Title: Into Eternity
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 1, 50ficlets
Prompt: 13, Forever
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

It was strange how his idea of forever could change just from being around humans. Stranger still that he didn't mind how much his way of looking at things had changed.

The Doctor sighed, turning over on his stomach and contemplating the threads of the blanket beneath him. He'd brought the Tardis here, to a planet he knew -- well, he thought -- would be a quiet, safe place for him to be by himself for a while, and here he was.

Sprawled out on a blanket in a meadow, keeping himself to himself. It would almost be like something out of a fairy tale if the field was filled with flowers. But it wasn't -- just green grass and blue sky, much like Earth.

So many planets were a great deal like Earth, he told himself, sighing as he looked around him. It wasn't that he went out of his way to look for planets that were the like the one he most enjoyed being on -- it just seemed to happen that way.

He was here alone, the same way that he went to every place lately. It wasn't that he wouldn't like to have a companion -- but no one had presented themselves lately who seemed suitable, and he wasn't going to spend his time traveling with just anyone.

There was no question of trying to duplicate any past companions. No, he'd tried to do that before, in other bodies, but he'd come to the conclusion that it was impossible.

Each person that he'd traveled with had their own special characteristics, their own personality, their own way of thinking and doing things. He didn't want to try to bring any of that back; it was better that they remain fond memories and nothing more.

The only person he'd choose to bring back into his life was Jack -- and the immortal had made it known in no uncertain terms what he thought of that. He was staying with Torchwood, and that was his final decision.

The Doctor was even starting to get used to that decision, in some ways. It was getting easier for him to think about the fact that Jack was gone, that they would never travel together again, never rekindle the relationship they'd had.

Now that was strange, the Time Lord said to himself, sighing again. That he could actually say he was getting used to not having the man he loved with him.

He'd lost loved ones before -- in a much more permanent way. People who he'd cared for had died, and he'd grieved for them. At least Jack was still around, and they still had the friendship that their relationship had evolved out of.

But it was colored now, with sadness and experience. They could never go back to the carefree, easy friendship they'd had before the first time they'd made love. It couldn't ever be the same, not with the deeper emotions that still flowed between them.

He'd thought that what he had with Jack would last forever -- after all, Jack was the one man who could offer him that kind of time. But he'd found out that he was wrong -- and he wasn't going to force Jack to grant him something that the immortal didn't want to give.

Forever was subjective, really, wasn't it? Even with the two of them, it meant something far different to Jack than it did to him. It wasn't a word that either one of them could use and be absolutely sure that the other understood his meaning.

Jack had forever. For once, there was someone in the universe who had more time than he did. It was an odd feeling, one that he still hadn't gotten accustomed to.

It had almost frightened him when it had happened; he'd seen something in Jack that was never meant to be, and it had nearly cost him the immortal's friendship. But fortunately, it hadn't, and that friendship had developed into so much more.

Now .... it was over, and forever stretched out in front of him. A forever that he would probably spend alone -- because, if he was honest with himself, he didn't want to replace Jack in his life. Either with a friend or a lover. It wasn't possible. He loved the other man too much to do that.

The Doctor turned over onto his back, clasping his hands behind his head and looking up at the sky. He'd been on his own before, and he'd done all right. It was always better to have someone watching his back, but he'd survive. He always did.

He wasn't going to lose someone else close to him, not in any way. He'd had enough of his hearts being trampled on, torn out, and broken. No more. It wouldn't happen again.

It was going to be a very lonely eternity.

***