Title: In Your Mind
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: Epsilon, challenge_the
Prompt: 42, Mind
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed softly as he rested his head against John's shoulder, wincing as a pain knifed through his skull. Being hit on the head could do that; even though he had more of a resistance to blows than humans did, he could still feel them.

And then there had been that time in the laboratory .... the Doctor shuddered at the memory, squeezing his eyes closed and burrowing into his lover's arms. He didn't want to think about that, didn't want to remember it.

He still didn't know the name of that race that had wanted to dismantle his brain, to look into his mind and try to figure out how it worked. He probably never would.

It was entirely possible that he'd go back to that world sometime in the future, but he didn't intend to do so any time soon. He'd come too close to losing his identity -- and his life. If they'd delved into his brain, they wouldn't have left a trace of him behind.

They had told him that when they'd had him strapped to that table, lifting those metal instruments that had flashed wickedly under the bright lights, telling him almost cheerfully that he would probably die, but that his life would be a "casualty of science."

And though he'd screamed and struggled, he hadn't been able to free himself from the bonds that had held him down; he was sure that his life would end there, and that there could possibly not be a chance for regeneration.

For with his mind gone, how could he come back? He might do so, but he would be a vegetable in an animated body. Something like the human concept of a zombie.

If it hadn't been for John, he might be dead now. The other man had managed to get him out of there, creating a diversion that had made all of those so-called "scientists" leave the crude operating theater with him still strapped to the table.

They obviously weren't as intelligent as they'd held themselves up to be, and the Doctor was grateful for that. John had been able to get into the room and untie him, then help him to his feet once he'd ascertained that the Doctor hadn't been harmed.

The Tardis had never looked so beautiful to him as when the two of them had rushed back to her and he'd pressed the button that had taken her away from that world.

A shudder went through the Doctor's thin body at the thought of what had almost happened to him; he'd almost lost the most precious thing he could possibly have. His mind. The mind that had all the centuries of knowledge and experience that made up who he was.

Losing that would mean losing his entire identity, everything about himself. Would he have been able to start over with the few regenerations he had left to him? That was a question that he didn't want to face; better that he should never know the answer.

Thanks to John, it hadn't happened. He owed his lover so much; John had saved him from a fate that terrified him more than anything else possibly could.

John had kept him from possibly having to regenerate again, before he was ready to. He feared that more than the idea of dying; he wasn't ready to give up this body yet, this body that he loved, that he wanted to spend decades in, even centuries.

This body was so like John's -- and it was the body that John loved. Of course the other man knew that there was always a possibility that he would have to regenerate, but neither of them wanted that to happen if it could be prevented.

Of course John loved him for more than this body. He knew his lover well enough to know that; it was impossible to put into so many words exactly why they'd fallen in love, but it was enough for him that they had. Neither of them needed to question their emotions.

The other man pulled him close, strong arms wrapping around him as he buried his face against John's shoulder and let out a heavy sigh.

"Don't think about it," John whispered, his lips brushing against the Doctor's hair. "It was horrible -- but it's over now, and they didn't get what they wanted. You're still you, Doctor. The other half of me. You haven't changed."

"I know," he managed to murmur, swallowing back a lump in his throat at the thought of what could have happened. "It's just .... frightening to think of what they could have taken away from me. And to think that you would have been left alone."

"It's not like I don't know how to pilot the Tardis," John pointed out, his arms tightening around the Time Lord. "But I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be without you."

Now wasn't the time for him to point out to John that he didn't want to be left alone, either, but that he knew his lover would age and die eventually. That was something they'd already talked about exhaustively, and he didn't need to bring it up at this moment.

"You won't be without me, love, not if I can help it," the Doctor assured him, taking a deep breath and trying to make himself relax in John's arms. "That was a close call, but thanks to you, we got through it. There's more of you in me than you might think."

"Because I rescued you from them?" John laughed softly, nodding. "You're right -- there's more of you in me that I would have dreamed. I thought that I was becoming more human, becoming more of my own person -- but you're still there, Doctor. And I want you to be."

"It's a good thing you have my memories -- and my mind," the Doctor said, looking up at his lover. "If you didn't, I don't want to think of what could have happened back there."

"I felt a bit strange at first, knowing I'm literally in your mind," John told him, his voice soft and husky. "But after today -- I couldn't be happier to have your memories and your experiences, Doctor. If I didn't, then I might have lost you for good. And I couldn't bear that."

"Thankfully, you didn't lose me -- and my mind is still as intact as it ever was. And just as much in sync with yours," the Doctor told him. "With the two of us working as a team, it's going to take more than alien scientists to take my mind from me."

"As long as I'm with you, no one is going to take your mind from you -- or take you from me," John murmured, bending his head to press his lips against the Time Lord's mouth.

"That's a promise I'm going to hold you to," the Doctor breathed as John's lips met his. And from the looks of things, it seemed that their minds were once again working along the same path, he thought with an inward smile, giving himself up to his lover's embrace.

***