Title: Is This Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Brendan Block
Fandom: Doctor Who/Secret Smile
Rating: R
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 34, Passion
Warning: on-going story
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Michael Cutter, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor rolled over in the bed that he shared with Brendan, stretching his lean body out under the covers and breathing a sigh of satisfaction.

He was still a little sore from the strenuous, almost violent lovemaking that he and Brendan had engaged in only a few hours before, but the soreness was worth it. He'd never felt so completely sated, so entirely satisfied in every way.

The passion that the two of them shared was something that he'd never experienced before; it still amazed him that he could feel this way about a human, that he could give himself so utterly to a man who he still didn't feel that he knew well.

What did he feel for this man who had the power to lift him into realms of physical passion that he'd never dreamed existed? He really couldn't put a word on it -- and he was hesitant to use the word love to describe his emotions.

Did he love Brendan? He wasn't sure that word encompassed all of the conflicting emotions that he felt for this man. It didn't even scratch the surface.

Love was something that seemed small compared to what he felt. It was a simple, one-syllable, four-letter word, and he didn't think it even began to carry the weight of all the contradictory feelings that Brendan aroused in him.

He cared for Brendan -- he had no doubt of that. But was what he felt love? There were so many different emotions bound up in his relationship with the other man that he didn't think he could describe his feelings so simply.

There was almost a challenge to their passion at times, a feeling that they were each trying to conquer the other -- himself by holding back, making Brendan scale impossible heights to bring them both satisfaction, and Brendan by taking him more fully each time they were together.

What was it that drove them to do that to each other? Why couldn't they be together in the simple reflection of what should be clear-cut feelings?

The Doctor sighed softly, turning his head to look over at the man sleeping beside him. He had the answer to that question, without even looking for it. It was because his relationship with Brendan was anything but simple.

The two of them would never fall into an easy pattern with each other; they were each too adamant on having what they wanted, not compromising their desires. They would always push each other to new heights, even when they weren't trying to do so.

It was only one of the many reasons that Brendan was the most exciting lover he'd ever had. This man challenged him in ways that no one else had ever thought of doing; this man made him feel more alive than he ever had in his entire life.

And not only that, but Brendan was completely fearless, rushing into any new situation with the attitude that the two of them could conquer whatever it was that they were up against. Not always the best idea, he had to admit, but he found that kind of courage admirable.

Had anyone else in his life ever been like Brendan? He didn't think so. Even Jack hadn't been able to make him feel so .... invincible.

Was this love he felt for Brendan, then? Did he think that he loved this man just because Brendan brought out a part of himself that he'd always wanted to be front and center? No, that was a part of why he felt as he did, but not everything.

Or maybe it was just because the passion between them flared higher and hotter than it ever had with anyone. Maybe that was the heart of what he felt; this passion that burned white-hot every time he caught the other man's eyes on him, assessing, taking stock.

In every other relationship he'd ever had, he had made sure that he knew what his feelings were before he'd let it progress to the point of intimacy. With Brendan, he'd thrown himself in headfirst, that passion overwhelming him from the very beginning.

Somehow, this man had drawn him out of himself -- and he continued to do so whenever the two of them touched, bringing out a side of him that he hadn't known existed.

He hadn't thought that he was capable of such passion, such desire. If anyone he'd known on his home planet had told him that he could give himself this completely to a human, he would have scoffed at them and told them that they were running mad.

But he couldn't deny the passion that Brendan aroused in him -- and whatever his feelings were, the only thing that really mattered was that they were equally matched in the man who he'd chosen to be with, that his passion was returned with equal fervor.

Maybe it would take a while for him to figure out exactly what he felt for this man -- and for those feelings to develop into what he could be more sure was love. But they had time, the Doctor told himself, turning on his side and moving closer to Brendan.

He closed his eyes, willing sleep to come and hoping that in the morning, Brendan would wake him up with yet another outpouring of the passion that flared between them.

***