Title: It's About Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Michael Cutter
Fandom: Doctor Who/Law & Order
Rating: PG-13
Table: 100_tales
Prompt: 93, Caring
Warning: Mentions of rape.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Michael Cutter, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"Thanks, John," Michael murmured as the Doctor sat down on the couch next to him and handed him the cup of tea he'd just made. The Time Lord curled his long legs up under him, raising his own mug to his lips and taking a sip of the hot tea.

"You're welcome," he said softly, keeping his eyes on Michael. The other man looked none the worse for wear after the harrowing days he'd been through so recently, but the Doctor could tell that he was tense, as though there was a coiled spring under that quiet surface.

He didn't want to bring up the subject, to ask Michael just what was wrong. There had been so much that he'd tried to avoid talking about over the last few days, but maybe it was time for that to stop. Michael couldn't avoid the subject of his kidnapping and rape forever.

He hadn't wanted to push his boyfriend into talking about something that obviously upset him, but he didn't want Michael to keep all of his emotions held inside. He knew only too well the kind of effect that could have -- he'd been through it enough himself.

Should he tell Michael about some of the things he'd been through? He wanted to; he ached for the man next to him, the man he'd grown to love. He didn't want Michael to feel as though he was alone in this, when nothing could be further from the truth.

But if Michael knew what had been done to him .... then he would have to explain more about himself. And that would be impossible to do, at least given the stage that they were at in their rather complicated relationship. It wasn't the right time.

He had to hold back a sigh at that thought. Would it ever be the right time? He'd been so sure that he was ready to tell Michael about himself on the night that he'd been kidnapped -- but that had changed everything.

And if he couldn't tell Michael .... He pushed the thought that followed as far away as he could, not wanting to let it enter his mind. No. He wouldn't leave Michael. He couldn't. Not after what had been done to him. That would be too cruel.

Michael depended on him at the moment. He couldn't just turn and walk away and leave this man to think that he'd been abandoned because he was somehow "tainted." He'd already expressed that fear to the Doctor, and the Time Lord had assured him otherwise.

The look on Michael's face when he'd spoken those words, softly and hesitantly, had nearly broken the Doctor's hearts. Had his lover really thought that he would leave just because he'd been through a traumatic experience that he wouldn't get over easily?

He would never do that, but Michael was human. It was easy enough for his mind to jump to that conclusion -- especially if he'd had lovers who had left him in the past because they'd somehow felt that he didn't live up to their expectations in some way.

Michael hadn't talked about his past lovers much to the Time Lord, and he hadn't pushed for any information. He'd thought that the other man would talk about that part of his life when he was ready, and he simply hadn't gotten to that point yet.

But he was caring more and more about Michael as time went on -- and if he was truthful with himself, he could admit that he loved this man. It was time for them to talk about their pasts, even if that might be a little painful and dredge up bad memories for them both.

He set down his mug carefully on the coffee table, moving closer to Michael as he did so. To his surprise and pleasure, the other man sighed and leaned into the Doctor's embrace; he usually wasn't the one who did the holding, and it was a nice change.

"Thank you," Michael whispered, his words further surprising the Doctor. He hadn't expected to hear that; to him, what he'd been doing for Michael over the past few days was what anyone would do for the person they loved.

Looking after him, taking care of him .... loving him. Wasn't caring for someone what love was all about? Being there for them when you were needed? He couldn't quite understand just why Michael would think it was necessary to thank him.

"For what, sweetheart?" the Doctor asked softly, bowing his head to brush a gentle kiss across the other man's forehead. "I love you, Michael. I'm only doing what anyone would do for their lover. And I'll take care of you for the rest of our lives -- if you'll let me."

Michael blinked, his eyes widening in what might have been shock as he stared at the Time Lord. The Doctor realized that this was the first time he'd said those three words to Michael -- and that they had been spontaneous, unplanned. It was obvious that they came from his hearts.

"For being here," Michael whispered, blinking back tears. "For caring about me. For .... for loving me." He stumbled over the last two words, as though he was almost afraid to say them. "For loving me as much as I love you."

The Doctor could almost feel his hearts stop; Michael had said those words, too. It was out in the open; they couldn't hide it from each other any longer. They couldn't pretend any more that their relationship was less serious than it was, less committed.

And that meant that he would have to make some decisions. He'd have to tell Michael about himself and give him the choice of being with him on more than the secretive basis they had now. He owed this man the truth -- the whole truth.

"I'll always be here," he answered, glad that his voice sounded strong and firm. It matched his feelings; he intended to be here for Michael, through whatever traumas he might have to deal with. He loved this man far too much to leave him, especially now.

"Thinking about you was all that got me through .... what happened," Michael said, his voice sounding choked. He bowed his head, but not before the Doctor saw the glint of tears in his eyes, the wetness beginning to trickle down his face.

He gathered Michael into his arms, letting the other man lean his head against his shoulder and wrapping his arms securely around his lover. "Shhh, it's all right. It's over, Michael. You don't have to think about it," he soothed, closing his eyes and swallowing hard.

"I think about it all the time." Michael's voice was trembling, his words hesitant. "I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking that you'll get tired of dealing with all this and want to leave ...." His voice trailed off on a gulp as he squeezed his eyes shut.

"Michael." The Doctor tilted his lover's face up to his, looking into Michael's eyes as he spoke. "I will never leave you. Please believe that. I know what it's like to deal with this. I've been through it. You don't have to worry that I'll abandon you. That will never happen."

"What do you mean, you've been through this before?" Michael's voice was a little stronger now, his eyes questioning as he looked at the Doctor. "You've been .... raped .... too?" His voice faltered on the word, as though he hated to say it or hear it.

The Doctor nodded, wishing that he didn't have to admit it, but wanting Michael to know that he could understand. "Yes. You're not alone, Michael. I know how you feel. I've been there. And I know that you'll get past this, even though it'll take some time."

"I hate to think of something like that happening to you," Michael murmured, his voice catching in his throat. "Just the idea of someone touching you like that, hurting you ...." His hands clenched into fists, and he swallowed audibly, obviously fighting to keep his emotions in check.

"It was a long time ago," the Doctor soothed him, knowing that was a lie but not wanting Michael to feel worse than he did. In fact, it had been rather recent; his last encounter with the Master hadn't been a pleasant one.

But that was in the past, he told himself firmly, pulling Michael closer against him. The Master was far away, and he was here with Michael. Caring for his boyfriend was his first priority; he could think about the past later, when he had leisure to do so.

Michael nodded, a small sigh leaving his lips. "I have a confession to make," he said soflty, looking down at his hands, now clasped in his lap. "I .... should have told somebody long ago, but I never did. And I think you're the person I want to hear it."

"Whatever it is, Michael, you can tell me," the Doctor said, twining his fingers through Michael's. "I'm here to listen, love. It's not about judging you. It's about love -- being here for you, taking care of you, and supporting you in every way that I can."

He settled back against the couch cushions, hoping that he was prepared for whatever Michael had to say. Whatever it was, he would listen -- and hope that he could help the man he loved in any way that he might need.

***