Title: Love Locked Inside
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Mick St. John
Fandom: Doctor Who/Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, fanfic50
Prompt: 28, Inside
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor or Mick St. John, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

Mick glanced over at the Doctor across the console of the Tardis, a smile curving his lips as he watched his lover. The Doctor looked as though he was completely caught up in trying to decide where they would go next; Mick didn't care where it was, as long as they were together.

When they were on Earth, as they had been until a few hours ago, he felt as though he had to keep his affection for the Doctor locked inside; he couldn't embrace his lover freely, or walk down the street hand in hand with him. He hated that he had to keep his emotions hidden away.

Well, they could hug or hold hands, Mick told himself. But they would raise some eyebrows if they did, even in the supposedly "enlightened" day and age that he'd been existing in when he had met the Time Lord. So they thought it was best if they were circumspect when they were there.

On other worlds, where neither of them were known, they could express how they felt about each. He loved the pleasure planets; those were places where they could freely express their emotions, and no one cared what they did. They could have probably had sex in public if they'd wanted to.

When he'd been living on Earth, he'd had to keep so much bottled up inside. The worst of that hadn't been holding back the information that he was a vampire. No, the worst of it had been when he was involved with Josef, and he hadn't been able to express his feelings openly.

For the brief time that he'd been dating that Beth bitch, society had thought it was just fine for him to express how he'd thought he felt about her, Mick thought, his lip curling in distaste. But when he'd been with a man, he hadn't been "allowed" to show those emotions.

It was ridiculous, really. He hated the fact that two men in love were still looked at with disfavor, even in the time period he'd spent most of his life in. True, things were getting better, but they still had a long way to go, and true freedom of expression wasn't going to happen any time soon.

That was one of the best things about being here with Doctor, he told himself, the slight frown on his face slowly replaced by a soft smile. He didn't have to keep his feeling locked inside; he had nothing to hide. He could express his love for the Doctor openly, without any fear of reprisals.

He hated keeping his feelings locked inside, hated feeling that he couldn't express himself. He should be used to that by now, though, Mick told himself with a wry smile. He'd been hiding the fact that he was a vampire for people for so long that it was second nature for him to hide.

Still, hiding the reality of what he was from people was far different from having to hide his feelings for the person he loved. It had been so hard to do when he was with Josef; that was one of the things that had torn them apart, even though they'd managed to maintain their friendship after the breakup.

As much as he'd loved Josef, he had finally accepted the fact that the two of them weren't meant to be a couple. They were far too different; they were alike in a lot of ways, in the fundamental ways that were the most important, they would never have been able to make a go of it.

But he and Doctor fit like the proverbial hand in glove. The two of them were meant to be; even though he hadn't realized it when they'd first met, he'd become convinced of that fact over time. They were perfect for each other; the Doctor was all he'd ever wanted.

The Time Lord glanced up at him, a smile curving his lips as he straightened up and leaned forward. "What are you thinking about, love?" he inquired, quirking one eyebrow at Mick. "You look awfully serious. Like you're lost in thought -- and that not all of those thoughts are pleasant."

"They aren't," Mick said with a sigh, then laughed ruefully. "But most of them are. I guess nothing is all happy or all sad -- there's a lot of shades of gray everywhere. I was just thinking about how different my life is now in so many ways than it was when I was on Earth."

"Well, of course it's different!" The Doctor frowned slightly, blinking in surprise. "Mick, you can't expect life here to be like it was on Earth. We're traveling through the stars, going to different planets -- and you're with someone who isn't human. It's different, to say the least."

"No, that's not what I meant!" Mick laughed, holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "What I mean is that here, I don't have to keep my feelings licked inside. I can let people know how I feel about you -- we don't have to hide the fact that we're a couple."

"And you feel that if we were on Earth, you'd have to." The Doctor nodded, looking thoughtful. "In the future, attitudes on Earth change a lot. But in the time that you live in, when we met .... You're right. You really can't express your feelings openly, if they don't fit into the norm."

"I learned that when I was with Josef," Mick said with a soft sigh. "Those attitudes are what broke us up, more than anything else. It's not that we cared less about each other -- it's that society expected a certain kind of behavior from us, and we didn't fit the mold."

"We don't have to fit into any particular mold, Mick," the Doctor told him, his voice soft and gentle. "Because there is none to fit into. We can be who we want to be, and you'll never have to worry about having to keep your emotions locked inside if you don't want to."

"This life is so much better than the one I left behind," Mick told him, moving around the console to take the Time Lord's hands in his own. "I've got to admit, I'd rather be here than where I was. But I'd be lying if I said there weren't things I miss about being on Earth, too."

"We all miss things that we've left behind," the Doctor said softly, his gaze not wavering from Mick's. "But there are always compensations. I hope that you're happy enough being here with me to not have second thoughts about going back to Earth. I'd miss you terribly if you did."

Mick could hear the forlorn note in the Doctor's voice; it hadn't occurred to him that his lover might get the wrong idea about his words and think that he wanted to leave. He squeezed the other man's hands, hoping that it was a reassuring gesture.

"I'm not going anywhere, Doctor," he said, keeping his voice soft and gentle. "You don't have to worry about me leaving you. I might miss some things about Earth, but when I do, we can always go back for a visit. I'd a lot rather be here with you than be alone anywhere else."

"My greatest fear is having the person I love most leave me," the Doctor whispered, his voice trembling a little. "If you left, I'd keep going, of course. But I'd feel empty inside. I don't think I could deal with you walking away from me, Mick. But I'm not saying that to make you feel obligated to stay."

"I don't feel obligated," Mick told him, his voice gaining strength as he spoke. "I'm here with you because I want to be. And because I feel like it's where I've always belonged. Being with you is the one time in my life -- even when I was human -- when I've been able to .... well, be who I am."

The Doctor nodded, the lines of his body relaxing as the tension left him. "I can understand that," he said softly, raising a hand to stroke Mick's cheek. "The human race places so many restrictions on everyone. You won't find that here. Not with me, love. Never with me."

"A good thing, too," Mick answered, his voice equally soft and husky. "I wouldn't want to think that you're like all the people I've known who tried to invalidate any relationship that didn't fit the norm. You're better than that, Doctor. You're different from anybody I've ever known -- and I love that about you."

"You're different from anyone I've ever known, too," the Doctor told him, a smile curving his lips. "I've never met a vampire before you -- well, not one who was trustworthy and who I could fall in love with. I'd never have thought that was possible, but you've changed a lot of things for me."

"I hope I've changed them for the better," Mick said, feeling a little uneasy. "I wouldn't want to think that I've held you back, or kept you from expressing anything. I know a lot of people might feel like they can't do that, given what I am. I make some people uncomfortable."

"Not me," the Doctor told him, shaking his head. "I may have felt a little odd with you at first, but that didn't last long. And far from keeping me from expressing my feelings -- you've helped me to find emotions I'd thought I couldn't feel any more. Thank you for that, Mick."

"Glad I could help," Mick murmured, relief sweeping over him. They were meant to be together; he should never have doubted that fact. Being here with the Doctor felt right; it wasn't just that he could express himself freely, but that he felt more comfortable here than he ever had anywhere else.

He didn't have to worry about keeping his love locked inside any longer. With the Doctor, he could be who he was -- and nothing that he felt for this man would be considered wrong. Leaning forward, he brushed a light kiss across the other man's lips, murmuring against his mouth.

"I don't know where I'd be without you, but I know it'd be a really lonely place," he whispered, pulling away slightly so that he could gaze into the Doctor's eyes. "I'm just glad that I'm here with you -- and that I don't have to keep anything inside any longer."

The Doctor nodded, moving closer into his embrace. When their lips met, any doubts that Mick might have had about where he belonged melted away; he knew that not only was he where he should be, but that if he lived to be a million years old, he would never, ever want to leave.

***