Title: Love on Our Side
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: doctorwho_100
Prompt: 60, Relief
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie looked up as the Doctor came into the control room, a worried expression on his face. There was a feeling of tension in the air that the Time Lord picked up on immediately; he could sense Jamie's worry from the moment their eyes met.

Crossing the room, he sat down on the couch next to his lover, taking Jamie's hands in his. "What is it, love?" he asked, his voice soft and, he hoped, soothing. "I can tell that something's bothering you, so don't say that it's nothing."

The other man shook his head, sighing and looking down at their clasped hands. "It's the usual thing I worry about," he said, his voice low. "Whether or not I should be here -- and if you're sure that this is what you want in the long run."

"You wouldn't be here if I didn't want you here," the Doctor told him, sighing inwardly at the realization that this issue still bothered Jamie. "I've told you that so many times, Jamie. And you know that I'm not going to lie to you about something as important as this."

"I have dreams all the time about being forced to go away with her," Jamie said in a small voice, not raising his head. "I keep hearing you say over and over that it's the best thing for me, and that I belong with her. It's a horrible nightmare."

"I don't doubt it," the Doctor told him, pulling Jamie into his arms. "I'm never going to say that, you know," he murmured into his lover's ear. "You don't belong with anyone but me. I may not have felt that way at first, but it didn't take me long to realise the fact."

"I know that you feel what I did was wrong," Jamie sighed, shaking his head. "But I didn't feel that I had any other choice at the time. I was trying to think of what you would do -- even though I probably didn't do what you would have in the end."

"I don't know about that," the Doctor said slowly, letting his mind go back to the days when Jamie had first come into existence. "It might have come down to that even if it had been me making the choice. I don't blame you for that, Jamie."

"How can you not?" Jamie burst out, finally raising his gaze to meet the Time Lord's dark eyes. "I can't help feeling that it's always going to be a barrier between us -- that you'll never quite be able to forgive me for what happened there. That you'll always associate me with genocide."

"No!" The word was spoken with more force than the Doctor had intended it to be, but he couldn't hold it back. "I'm not going to associate you with that time, or with what happened there. Please don't feel that way, Jamie. You don't bring back bad memories. Not at all."

Jamie nodded, but the haunted look didn't retreat; the Doctor couldn't help feeling that there was still something bothering him, and that what they had been discussing was only the tip of the iceberg. But he didn't want to pry by asking questions.

Still .... he would never know what was troubling his lover if he didn't ask. And he couldn't bear knowing that Jamie was burdened by whatever was weighing on his mind. If he didn't get it out in the open, then it would only fester and the burden would keep growing heavier.

"There's something else on your mind, isn't there?" he asked gently, wanting Jamie to tell him whatever the trouble was of his own free will. He hated to feel as though he was in some way forcing the other man to talk about something he'd rather not mention.

Jamie sighed, nodding slowly and looking down again. "I-I keep having these horrible dreams about you sending me away to that alternate universe," he whispered, his voice shaking. "I know you wouldn't do it, but .... you seemed so certain at first that it was where I belonged."

"Listen to me, Jamie." The Doctor took Jamie's face between his hands, gazing intently into his lover's eyes. "That is never going to happen. Never. The only place you belong is right here, with me. No one else can have you. Not while I still draw breath."

He continued, his voice growing stronger as he spoke. "I'm not going to deny that I cared for her. But she was like a daughter to me, Jamie. Not a lover, not in any way. She thought that was what she wanted of me, but I don't believe she really did."

"Then what do you think she wanted?" Jamie asked, his gaze riveted to the Doctor's face. "She wanted you, Doctor. Not because she loved you, but because she wanted to own you. To possess you. You were nothing more to her than some prize she could show off."

"She saw me as a father figure -- and she mistook that for love," the Doctor said with a sigh. "She wasn't exactly what you'd call a mature woman, Jamie. She didn't understand that what she felt for me was her need for someone to replace her father."

"I could feel it when she touched me," Jamie murmured, a shudder going through his body. "She didn't want me. She only wanted to be with me because I look like you. She had no feelings for me at all. She just wanted something that she could pretend was you."

"I have to agree with you," the Doctor told him, wrapping both arms around Jamie's waist and pulling him close. "She didn't want you -- though she would have taken you from me just to have something that she knew was a part of me."

"I couldn't have borne to go with her," Jamie whispered, burying his face against the Doctor's shoulder. "I'd have died there. I wouldn't have let her touch me -- not in the way that she wanted to. I would have killed myself before I'd have let that happen."

"Don't talk that way, Jamie," the Doctor said, his voice catching in his throat. "Nothing would be worth you taking your life. I'd rather know that you're alive and well somewhere far away from me where I can't get to you than feel responsible for your death."

"I wouldn't want to live without you," Jamie said, raising his face to look at the Doctor. There were tears streaking down his cheeks; he raised one hand to wipe ineffectually at them. "Being with her would be hell for me. I'd never stop thinking about you. I'd never be happy."

"You'll never have to live without me, sweetheart," the Doctor said softly, wiping away Jamie's tears with gentle fingers. "Please don't think about what could have been. It didn't happen -- and it never will. You're here with me, and that's where you belong."

Jamie nodded, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against the Doctor's. The Time Lord could almost feel the wave of relief that surged over his lover; it was as though Jamie's feelings were being transmitted loudly and clearly to him.

Maybe they were, he thought to himself; after all, the two of them were a part of each other, more than anyone else he'd ever known could possibly be. This man was closer to him than anyone; it wouldn't surprise him at all if everything about them was entwined.

His own relief coursed through his veins; hopefully, he'd now managed to banish any fears that Jamie might have of them not continuing to be together. He could understand where those fears came from, even though they were completely unfounded.

He wanted to keep this man by his side for the rest of his life; Jamie had become more a part of his life than any mere companion had ever been. No one had ever meant as much to him -- not in any life he'd ever had before, nor in any he would have in the future.

Jamie had to conquer the fears he had about being sent away. He couldn't let his lover continue to have those doubts; they would burrow deep inside him, eating away at him until he might actually convince himself that they had some merit.

It didn't matter that those fears would never come to pass. He had to help Jamie get past them, had to make him realize that there was no reason for him to think that he'd ever be sent away. He hoped that with time and love on their side, he'd be able to do just that.

The Doctor raised a hand to stroke Jamie's hair, his voice soft when he spoke. "I think we both need to forget about all of that, and look to the future. I have no regrets about having you with me, Jamie. None at all. I hope you don't have any either."

"None whatsoever," Jamie whispered, leaning forward to brush his mouth against the Doctor's. As their lips met, the Time Lord's worries were pushed into the background, the only thought in his mind the love he felt for the man clasped in his arms.

***