Title: Misery Loves Company
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 12, Miserable
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

He hated being alone. It had made him miserable when he was younger, in different bodies, and it made him even more unhappy now.

The Doctor frowned as he leaned on the console of the Tardis, heaving a sigh. Thinking about the loneliness that always seemed to be his only constant companion wasn't going to make him feel any better, but it seemed impossible to pull his mind away from those thoughts.

Funny how he'd always seemed to have an easier time finding companions when he was in a less attractive body, and when he looked much older. It seemed that people were more drawn to him in a friendly way when he was less physically attractive.

It made sense, really, if he thought about it. People were attracted to him as more than friends in this body, and that always added up to problems in the long run. Problems that he really didn't want to deal with, which was why he was alone now.

He'd never found it easy to understand why most of his companions couldn't be happy with having him as a friend. Why did they always have to push for more?

A shudder went through him at the thought; the only companion he'd ever wanted to have as a lover had been Jack, and that had ended badly, with the immortal walking away from him. They might still be friends, but it was an uneasy friendship, at best.

Of course, he was partially to blame for that -- he'd been half-afraid of what Jack had become, because it was something that he didn't understand. Did that prove that, in some ways, he could be just as intolerant as some members of the human race?

What Jack had become wasn't something that he understood -- and not being able to understand it made him wary. So he'd pulled away from Jack in some ways, and the immortal had senses that and backed away hmself. The Doctor couldn't really blame him for that.

But that had left him alone again, alone and aching with an emptiness that he had the distinct feeling no one else would ever fill.

Maybe it was time to begin looking for another companion, he told himself, sighing again. After all, he couldn't expect to spend the rest of his life alone. He'd only add to his misery if he did, and that wasn't the way he wanted to live.

He wasn't meant to be solitary. He'd known that from the first few times he'd been out into time and space in the Tardis, centuries ago when he'd been much younger, but looked older. He was meant to have a companion, someone to watch his back.

And also someone who would be his friend, someone he could count on and trust. He didn't want them to be involved with him in a personal way, but he needed that connection with someone who could share part of his life.

Besides, misery loved company, he told himself, the hint of a small rueful smile tugging at his lips. He also needed someone to share the unhappy times with him.

Would there be so many of those times if he had a companion? He sincerely doubted it. He always seemed to be at his unhappiest when he was alone; then, he could only sink into his own misery and not have anyone there to lift him out of it.

The problem with having a companion with him during those bad times was that he felt as though he dragged them down with him, communicating his inner loneliness to them. He didn't want to put anyone else through that if he didn't have to.

But what of his own need for companionship? He didn't want to consign himself to being lonely and miserable; that wouldn't be fair to him, any more than it would be fair to someone else for him to give them a life that they were unhappy with.

A no-win situation all around, he told himself, feeling more miserable than ever at the thought. There was no way out; it was simply a vicious circle.

It didn't have to be, a little voice piped up in the back of his mind. He could find the person who would be able to deal with the life he led. It would take some looking, but they were out there, somewhere in the world. It was only a matter of tracking them down.

He coudn't give up, couldn't let his misery overtake him. And he couldn't keep telling himself that no one could be happy with being his companion and simply giving him friendship and nothing more. That was a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There was someone out there who was the sort of companion he was looking for. And if that companion turned into something more .... well, then, he'd cross that bridge when he came to it, though he certainly wasn't looking for another relationship.

The Doctor straightened up and cleared his throat, reaching for the controls on the console. The press of a button, the flick of a switch, and he was on his way.

He was heading for Earth, in the early 21st century. He had no idea what he'd find when he got there, but at least he knew what he was looking for -- and he had a feeling that he'd find it.

***