Title: Moment of Truth
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Arthur Eddington
Fandom: Doctor Who/Einstein and Eddington
Rating: PG-13
Table: Buffet 2, fc_smorgasbord
Prompt: 97, Lover
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Arthur Eddington. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor awakened slowly, his eyelashes fluttering as he opened his eyes to look blearily around him. This wasn't the room he was used to waking up in since he'd been here on early 20th-century Earth. He must have spent the night somewhere else ....

His eyes opened wide as memory came back to him. He'd come to Arthur's room last night; he was here in Arthur's bed, in Arthur's arms. The other man was lying behind him, one arm wrapped around the Doctor's waist, his breathing slow and measured.

The Time Lord relaxed, a smile flitting across his features. How long had he and Arthur spent wanting each other, sleeping in separate rooms, kept apart by no more than the hallway and two closed doors? They'd wasted so much time already.

But maybe that was a good thing. He still didn't know just how he was going to explain to Arthur why he bore such a striking resemblance to John Smith when they finally did make love. He still needed time to think of what he was going to say.

What could he say? The Doctor sighed inwardly, wishing that he could push the thought away and simply revel in the feeling of being in bed with Arthur. But he couldn't; he had to think about the future, if the two of them were to have one.

They were going to become lovers. He didn't doubt that for a second. Arthur had welcomed him into his bed last night; he wouldn't be in the least surprised if they made love tonight. And there were physical characteristics that Arthur would recognize immediately as being John's.

He couldn't exactly hide that mole between his shoulder blades; that was one definite mark that would tell Arthur who he was. And this man had known his body intimately when he was John Smith. There would be no way to hide his identity.

He didn't want to hide who he was; he wanted Arthur to know and understand why he'd come back into his life as a different person. And he wanted Arthur to love him for who he really was, rather than seeing him as some sort of reincarnation of the man he'd loved and lost.

There had to be a way to make Arthur understand without taking the risk of pushing him away. But he had to accept the fact that Arthur might not understand, that he might not be able to believe in the truth of what the Doctor had to tell him.

If he didn't .... the Time Lord closed his eyes, holding back a sudden rush of tears. He would leave if it came to that, but he didn't want to lose the man he was rapidly falling in love with. And it would be worse for Arthur. It would be as though he'd lost John a second time.

He had no right to put Arthur through that kind of heartbreak again. He was already broken enough over losing John once; if he felt that he had lost the man he loved twice, he could very well have some sort of breakdown that he might not recover from.

And he would be responsible for that, the Doctor thought with another sigh. He couldn't let that happen; Arthur deserved better. If by some quirk of fate he ended up having to leave and not take Arthur with him, he wanted to leave this man with good memories.

Was that possible, given what Arthur would be losing if he left? The Doctor frowned, wishing that there was some way he could make all of these problems disappear, that there was some easy explanation for the predicament he now found himself in.

But there wasn't. He would have to tell Arthur the truth; it was the only thing he could do. And besides, Arthur deserved the truth. He had a right to know the truth about the man he was falling for, and the circumstances that had brought him here.

The Doctor gasped in surprise when he felt Arthur's arm tighten slightly around his waist; incredibly soft lips were pressed against the nape of his neck, then his throat. Turning over in Arthur's embrace, he faced the other man, reaching out to cup his cheek.

"What was the sigh for?" Arthur asked, his voice soft and tinged with worry. "Is there something wrong? Do you ...." His voice trailed off for a moment before he took a deep breath and continued speaking in a more subdued tone. "Do you not want to be here?"

The Time Lord was quick to shake his head; he didn't want Arthur to think that he would prefer to be anywhere else, when nothing could be further from the truth. "No, of course I don't," he said softly. "I'm right where I most want to be."

"Can I .... ask you something?" Arthur's voice was breathless, his words pouring out quickly, as though he wanted to have them out in the open. "Have you ever been with other men?" His dark eyes studied the Doctor anxiously, worry evident in his gaze.

Oh, dear. How was he going to answer that question? He didn't want to lie and say that he hadn't; it would be all too obvious when they made love that he hadn't been honest. But he couldn't exactly tell Arthur the exact number -- when he didn't know it himself.

Well, he could compromise and tell Arthur the number of men he'd been with in this body. "Three," he murmured, hoping that it didn't sound like a disproportionately high number to Arthur. "But only two men who I truly loved and wanted to be with."

That was most definitely the truth. He'd loved Jack; there was no way he'd ever be able to deny that, either to himself or to anyone else. And he'd loved Arthur when he was John Smith -- though not more than he loved this man now.

"You didn't love the third?" Arthur asked, a frown creasing his brow. "You don't seem like the type of man to sleep with someone you don't love --" Shaking his head, he pressed a finger against the Doctor's lips as the Time Lord opened his mouth to speak.

"Shhh, love. No, don't tell me." His voice was soft, but firm nonetheless. "I'm sorry I asked. I don't need to know. I know that you aren't the sort who would take his pleasure indiscriminately -- I don't have the right to ask about your past lovers."

"The only lover I want to have is you," the Doctor whispered, his dark gaze holding Arthur's. "There isn't anyone else for me -- not now that I've met you. I'm not going to deny that I have a past -- but my future with you is all that matters."

"I've been in love, you know," Arthur murmured, looking away. "But don't think that means I love you any less. I'm not using you as a substitute -- even though you look so much like John that I can't help but think of him in some ways when I look at you."

"I understand," the Doctor said, his throat tightening. How would Arthur react when he found out that the man in his arms literally was his lost love? He wouldn't thank the Doctor for perpetrating this deception, that was obvious.

But he didn't want to tell Arthur now. It wasn't the time, nor the place. He would have to say something before tonight -- though he wasn't sure just where and when that could happen. Maybe he would wait until they were alone together, in the privacy of this room.

He wanted this man to be his lover. He wanted Arthur to come with him into the stars; he wanted to show Arthur things that he would never have dreamed of seeing. He wanted the two of them to be everything to each other -- just as John Smith had been to Arthur at one time.

He was John Smith -- yet at the same time, he wasn't. Could Arthur accept him as he was, and let his love for John transfer to his feelings for the Doctor? Or would he turn away when he discovered the truth about the man he was with?

"We should probably get up," Arthur told him, leaning forward slightly to brush his lips across the Time Lord's mouth. "I'm going to be counting the hours until we're back here tonight, you know." The smile he bestowed on the Doctor held an unspoken promise.

The Time Lord nodded, managing a smile. He should be feeling much happier, he told himself sternly. He'd stayed with Arthur last night; even if they hadn't become lovers yet, the barriers between them had crumbled, and it would only be a matter of time before they were.

All he could do was wait until tonight, when they were alone in this room, and tell Arthur the truth about who he was. He couldn't keep putting off that moment of truth; Arthur deserved to know the whole story, whether he chose to believe it or not.

Arthur would know that the Doctor and John were one and the same when their bodies were bared; there was no way he could not know. The two of them had been on very intimate terms, and the Doctor knew from experience that a lover's body wasn't easily forgotten.

The moment of truth would come tonight -- and the Doctor wasn't at all sure that he was ready for it. But he would face it when it came, and hope that this night would bring the two of them closer together, rather than pushing them apart to go their separate ways.

***