Title: Never My Love
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: doctorwho_100
Prompt: 83, Never
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie leaned back on his elbows and looked up at the blue sky arching high overhead, closing his eyes against the glare of the sun and sighing heavily. He didn't quite know how to put what was on his mind into words, though he'd spent a while searching for them.

How could he phrase the question he had to ask in a way that wouldn't hurt the Doctor? The last thing he wanted to do was to make his lover feel unappreciated -- or feel that Jamie loved him any less, when that wasn't the case at all.

The Doctor had taken him away from what everyone else around him had seemed to think was his destiny, wanting the two of them to be together. He wasn't going to argue with that; it was what he had wanted, too, more than he could imagine wanting anything.

But there was still a little nagging doubt in the back of his mind about his own ability to make the Time Lord happy. After all, he was human; he couldn't be with the other man forever. He couldn't give the Doctor eternity. He didn't have that capability.

If only he wasn't trapped in a human body! Jamie sighed again, wishing with all his might that he could somehow change reality, that he could become a full-fledged Time Lord and not have the short life span that his humanity limited him to.

He wanted to talk about it with the Doctor, to voice his fears aloud and be reassured that those fears had no reason to be there. But he couldn't do so without making the Doctor feel that he was responsible for Jamie's happiness over being human.

The Doctor knew how he felt. He'd said it often enough in the past, and he didn't want to bring the subject up again. But these fears were new, in a way. They were something that had been attacking him recently, usually at night, during dark and confused dreams.

He couldn't count the times when he'd awoken with a silent scream stuck in his throat, his body drenched in a cold sweat, his single heart racing in his chest. And there had only been one thought in his mind, one thought that overrode everything else.

What if the Doctor grew tired of him? What if he decided that he didn't want to be with a human any longer, even if that human was literally a part of him? What if there was a time, especially as he grew older and less capable, when the Doctor didn't need him any more?

The thought made Jamie shudder, the fear coming back to him, leaving an acrid taste in his mouth. It was hard to push that fear back down; if he didn't talk about it with his lover soon, it would come out more and more until it took over his every waking thought.

"What are you thinking of, sweetheart?"

The Doctor's voice came as a surprise to Jamie; he gasped, his eyes flying open as he sat up. The Time Lord had returned from going into the Tardis for a few minutes; he was now sitting next to Jamie, looking down at him with a small smile on his lips.

Jamie almost didn't want to tell his lover what he'd been thinking; it somehow seemed like a repudiation of all that they were, all the feelings that he knew the Doctor held for him in those dual hearts. But he had to let those fears come to light, and this was the right time.

He was sure that the Doctor would tell him what he needed to hear, but he wanted to hear those words spoken out loud. He wanted the Time Lord's voice to dissipate all of those fears, to send them scuttling back into dark corners where they would never see the light of day agian.

Taking a deep breath, he looked down at his hands where they were clasped in his lap. He couldn't make himself look at the Doctor; if he did, then those fears would leap up even more ferociously to attack him, and make it impossible for him to get the words out.

"I'm scared, Doctor," he said, his voice barely a whisper. "I'm scared that there's going to be a time when you'll get tired of me, because I'm human. That there'll finally come a time when you won't need me, when I won't be enough for you. When you'll be done with me."

"Oh, Jamie." The Doctor's voice was soft and husky, his sigh sounding tired and regretful. "I'm sorry if I've ever said or done anything to make you think that could ever happen. You don't have to worry about that, sweetheart. It's never going to happen."

"How can you be so sure?" Jamie asked, his voice wavering and uncertain. "You've had companions that were human before. But none of them have ever stayed with you until they were old. I will. And sooner or later, you'll get tired of dealing with me and my human frailties."

The Doctor shook his head, sliding his arms around Jamie's waist and drawing the other man close against him. He didn't say anything for several long moments, simply stroking Jamie's hair, the two of them locked together in a close embrace.

"Never, my love," he finally whispered into Jamie's ear. "I'll never want to be without you."

Jamie's fears began to recede at the comforting words; his heart seemed to leap from his chest into his throat, choking him and keeping back the words he still wanted to say. Hearing those words from the Time Lord's lips meant everything to him.

"Never is a long time," he finally managed to say, his voice still a hoarse whisper. "How do you know that you're not going to get annoyed at me for not being able to do all the things I could do when I was a young man? You've never had to deal with an elderly companion before."

"Ah, but you're forgetting something," the Doctor told him, those soft lips brushing against his hair in a caress that was as light as a summer breeze. "You're not just a companion, Jamie. You're my lover. The man I've chosen to spend my life with. There's a big difference."

Jamie nodded, squeezing his eyes tightly shut and burying his head against the Time Lord's shoulder. He should have thought about that; of course he was different from any of the Doctor's other companions. Their relationship was unlike any that had come before.

"I hadn't thought about that," he admitted in a small voice. "I never do think about things that matter until I've already put my foot firmly into my mouth, do I? It must be one of the drawbacks to being human. I don't think about important things until I've already spoken."

The Doctor laughed softly, raising a hand to ruffle Jamie's hair. "Everyone has the right to a few missteps, love. And any fear is legitimate until it's disproved. But you never have to let those fears overtake you. They have no substance, Jamie. You'll always be with me. For all of your life."

"I know that I shouldn't have any worries about your feelings for me," Jamie said with a sigh, lifting his head to look into the Doctor's eyes. "But I'm only human, Doctor. It's another of the drawbacks to being what I am. I have a hard time seeing myself as being worthy of you."

"Ah, but you are, sweetheart," the Doctor murmured, raising a hand to stroke gentle fingertips down his lover's cheek. "You're more than worthy. Never doubt how much you mean to me, love. You're my world, Jamie. You could never be anything less."

"I'll never get tired of you either, you know," Jamie whispered, his gaze still locked with the Time Lord's. "I never could. I'll always want to be with you, Doctor. I just hope that you'll never get to the point where you don't want to have me around."

"Never, my love," the Doctor answered, his voice soft and husky. He bowed his head to capture Jamie's lips with his, the kiss sweeping away any vestiges of doubt that Jamie might have had. Within moments, he was lost in their kiss, all of his senses concentrated on the man he loved.

***