Title: Never Say Goodbye
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 100_situations
Prompt: 48, Miracle
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at his sleeping lover with a smile on his lips. He loved lying here like this, with Jamie beside him, watching the man he loved sleep. He almost felt closer to Jamie now than when they were making love.

There was something so sweet and vulnerable about the other man when he was sleeping; maybe it was becuase he was human and needed sleep more than the Doctor did. Or maybe it was because sleep made him look so young, all of his worries washed away.

It was a miracle that this man was here with him at all, the Doctor told himself, reaching out a hand to smooth back an errant lock of hair from Jamie's forehead. Who would have known that he would create a clone of himself through his severed hand?

When he'd made a desperate gambit to stop himself from regenerating, he hadn't thought that Jamie would be the result. And he certainly hadn't expected that the selfish, spoilt child he'd once called his companion would think that Jamie was somehow hers.

Well, he hadn't let her take Jamie away from him. Everyone else had seemed to think that it was what he should do, and he'd even thought that it might be best -- for a while. But Jamie had wanted to be with him, and he hadn't wanted to let this man go.

What would he have done if he'd gone against his better judgment and let her take Jamie back to that alternate universe with her? A shudder ran through the Doctor's slender body at the mere thought; he didn't even want to contemplate that idea.

He would be so unbearably lonely now, without Jamie in his life. Yes, he might have found someone to be his new companion -- but there would always be a part of his soul that yearned for the other man, the one person who was literally a part of him.

He'd have always wanted Jamie back if he'd made the mistake of letting that spoilt brat take him away. And he would never regret keeping this man with him -- not for a second. There was no room in his hearts for regret. They were too full of love for Jamie.

In the end, he hadn't really made the decision to let his human counterpart stay with him -- no, Jamie had made that decision. He'd been the one who had pleaded to stay; his own desire to be with the Doctor had convinced the Time Lord more than anything else could have.

Would he have been able to let Jamie go with her, even after he'd admitted to himself that he didn't want to? If they hadn't already made love, he might have been able to say goodbye. But after that first kiss, that first touch, after their bodies had melded together -- no.

After they had made love, there was no way that he could have ever said goodbye to Jamie. In that first coupling, his human self had become even more a part of the Doctor than he already was. The two of them had melded together, body and soul, dual hearts to a single one.

He had no regrets about any of it, the Doctor told himself. He would never have been able to live with himself if he had let her take Jamie; the other man had begged him not to let it happen, saying that he didn't love her, that he never could. And the Doctor understood that feeling.

She would never understand that the two of them didn't love her as a romantic partner, but as a daughter -- like the child she was and probably always would be. In fact, it was her childishness that had caused the Doctor to be in danger of regenerating, he reminded himself.

If she had been a different kind of person, she would have been able to understand that she couldn't have what she wanted all of the time. But she had been spoilt from birth, and she simply refused to see that her desires weren't the most important thing in the world.

He didn't really care where she was now. Her selfish, petty actions during the time of the metacrisis had made him see her more clearly, as she really was -- really nothing more than his stalker, a spoilt brat who wanted nothing more than to get her way.

The important thing was that Jamie was with him -- and always would be. The two of them were meant to be together; he might have wanted to deny that at first, but after that first kiss, that first touch, he'd known it was true. He wanted this man with him forever.

What did the opinions that anyone else might have about their relationship matter? The only thing that really mattered to him was that Jamie was here, beside him, the most important part of his life. And that he would remain here for as long as he lived.

The Doctor pushed that thought away as soon as it occurred to him; he didn't want to think about the fact that Jamie was human, with a very short life span compared to his own .He would lose the man he loved in what, for him, would almost be the blink of an eye.

But it wouldn't happen for a long time, he told himself, the words fierce and strong in his own mind. Jamie wasn't going to die, not any time soon, not as long as he kept his lover safe and protected as best he could. Jamie would be with him for decades to come.

He would also age; he would grow older, while the Doctor himself would barely age at all in the decades that passed. That was, if he even kept this body, he thought, a shiver moving with lightning speed down his spine. He might end up having to regenerate at some point.

That frightened him more than he could say. What if Jamie didn't love him any more after a regeneration? He didn't think that his lover was that shallow -- after all, Jamie was a part of him; he understood the whole regeneration process -- but it was possible.

Still, that was something that didn't bear thinking about, not now. If he was careful, he could be in this body for Jamie's entire life span, and even longer. He might not have to even think about regeneration for the entire time that they were together in this realm.

Better to think about why Jamie was here, and how grateful he was to have this man by his side and in his arms. It was nothing short of a miracle that he had Jamie in his life, and he was going to be thankful for that miracle each and every day.

How could he not be? Jamie had brightened his life from the first day they'd been together alone in the Tardis, even from the first moment that he'd decided to take this man into time and space with him, to fly in the face of what everyone else thought he should do.

Jamie was the sun that he revolved around, the center of his existence, his miracle. They might not be together for the rest of his life, but they would be together for all of Jamie's life, and he wanted to make that life as happy as he could.

He knew one thing -- he would make Jamie much happier than anyone else possibly could. Jamie had made the choice to be with him; this was where he wanted to be, and he must have known in his heart that this was where he'd always belonged.

No one was going to take his lover away from him; not the Master, not John Hart, and not a spoilt child who pouted and sulked when she didn't get her way. Jamie belonged with him, and Jamie wanted to be with him. That was the only thing that mattered.

Was it selfish of him, and even vain in some ways, to want Jamie to be with him? Maybe it was -- and if so, then he didn't really care. This hadn't been only his decision, after all. He'd brought Jamie with him at the other man's insistence, not only because of his own desires.

They both had exactly what they wanted, here with each other. Neither of them would be happy with anyone else, or being anywhere else. Maybe they were both being selfish, but the Doctor didn't care. He'd spent too much of his life being selfless.

It was time for him to be a bit selfish, to do something for himself. And if that meant having the man he loved with him, rather than making the sacrifice of letting him be with someone else merely to make them happy, then he wouldn't regret his own selfishness.

The miracle that was lying here next to him, his warm breath soft against the Doctor's skin, was all it took to make him the happiest man in the universe. And with any luck, he would be able to make Jamie just as happy to be with him as the Doctor was to have him here.

Moving closer to the other man, he slid his arms around Jamie's waist and pulled him close, settling down against the pillows and closing his eyes. Within moments, he'd joined his lover in the oblivion of sleep, a small, contented smile on his face and peace in his hearts.

***