Title: One Direction
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Peter Carlisle
Fandom: Doctor Who/Blackpool
Rating: PG-13
Table: 4
Prompt: 46, Choice
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Peter Carlisle. Please do not sue.

***

Peter glanced over at the Doctor, wondering where his boyfriend was taking him. It didn't exactly feel strange to be in one of the less populated areas of Vegas, and even less strange to be in an alleyway that probably wasn't one of the safest places in the world. But it wasn't a place that he envisioned the Doctor as being in.

No, somehow the other man seemed too .... too what? Elegant was the first word that came to Peter's mind, but that wasn't quite the right description. But whatever the proper word was, skulking down a back alley didn't seem to fit this man at all.

All right, so they weren't skulking, really, or hiding from anything. But he almost felt as if they were, since the Doctor apparently hadn't wanted anyone else to know whatever it was that he had hidden here. Peter assumed that it was his way out of this world -- though he couldn't imagine a spaceship being hidden in an alley. It must be far too big for --

The Doctor had turned a sharp corner, and Peter followed him, his mouth dropping open at the sight that met his eyes when he did. It was .... a police box? No. This had to be some joke of the Doctor's. It had to be. He absolutely couldn't travel around space -- and time, no less -- in a police box. This was absurd.

He finally recovered his senses long enough to look over at the Doctor, raising his eyebrows in question and waiting for the Time Lord to burst into a volley of giggles. But he didn't; he only looked back at Peter with a look of expectation, as though he was waiting for his lover to say something. Peter had no earthly idea what to say.

"This .... is a joke, right?" he asked, thinking that the Doctor was very good at keeping a poker face when he was probably laughing hysterically inside. But to his surprise, the other man frowned a bit, shaking his head and moving towards the blue police box, laying a hand on the somewhat battered door and holding out his other hand to Peter.

"No, it's not a joke," he said softly, his gaze meeting Peter's. "This is my ship. She's called the Tardis -- it stands for Time And Relative Dimension In Space. I ...." He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's hard to explain, and whatever I say might not make sense to you."

"Try to make sense," Peter told him, reaching for the Doctor's free hand and twining their fingers together. He didn't know why, but evidently, the Time Lord was having a difficult time explaining something about this .... this ship to him, and he didn't want to give the other man a hard time. But it was a little hard to believe that he could travel through space in .... this.

"I have a bond with her, Peter," the Doctor said, looking first at the blue box and then back to his lover. "It's something that's .... unusual, even for a Gallifreyan. Others of my race didn't bond with a Tardis the way I have -- it's something that I can't explain. I just know that it's happened, and that there's something in me that needs her."

"A bond?" Peter looked started, turning to the Doctor with a worried look. "Does that mean that you can't leave the ship -- or that it has some sort of hold over you?" He felt instantly stupid for saying the words -- of course the Doctor could leave the ship. That was obvious, wasn't it? If he couldn't leave, he wouldn't have been out and about in Vegas, and met Peter.

"Of course I can leave," the Doctor said, smiling slightly and giving Peter's hand a squeeze. "But she's helped me through a lot of crisis situations -- and kept me alive, at times. I'm a part of her, she's a part of me, and that's how it's always been, ever since the first time I laid eyes on her. She's .... very special to me."

"Then I doubt she'll think much of me," Peter muttered, looking down and scuffing his shoe along the concrete of the sidewalk. It sounded as though the Doctor was trying to tell him that they couldn't be together, that he already had the sort of bond that Peter thought the two of them had formed. Maybe this was the Doctor's way of letting him down easy ....

"Peter." The Doctor's voice was soft, soothing, obviously meant to calm his fears and reassure him. "She knows I love you. She doesn't control me -- she's the ship, I'm the pilot. I've spent years being alone -- and she doesn't want that for me, any more than I do. She wants me to find someone I'll be happy with. She couldn't possibly dislike you, not knowing how I feel about you."

"Does this mean that I'll be sharing you with your .... spaceship?" Peter asked, still no looking at his lover. He couldn't fathom having to take second best in someone's affections -- it had happened too often before, and he wasn't willing to face it again.

Especially not with this man. The Doctor had already burrowed so deeply into his heart and soul that he would never be able to cast those feelings away from him, even if he wanted to. There was no way he could walk away from the Doctor and lock the other man out of his life; they were already too much a part of each other.

If the Doctor wanted him to leave .... maybe that was what he was trying to tell Peter. That their meeting and falling in love had been a beautiful interlude in his life, but that it would be over sooner rather than later, and that he couldn't be with Peter. He had a life that he had to go back to, a bond with this ship, something that Peter could never be a part of.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he turned back the way they had come, still not looking at the Doctor. He should just go. There was no reason for him to stay here; not now, not when the Doctor had made it clear that he wasn't needed. He wouldn't give up the memories of what they'd had, but that was all they could be from now on. Just bittersweet memories.

He didn't look back, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other, so blinded by the tears he kept blinking back that he couldn't see where he was going.

Maybe it was best that it ended like this. The Doctor was where he belonged, they'd made some wonderful memories, and now they could go their separate ways. It didn't matter that he would feel empty for the rest of his life, wondering where the Doctor was and if he was happy. He couldn't share the Doctor. He wouldn't. It was best for both of them if he left now.

He didn't see the bereft look on the Doctor's face, the expression of utter despair that had settled across the Time Lord's features when he'd turned away. When he felt the other man's hand on his shoulder, he stopped, but didn't look up. He couldn't look at the Doctor without crying; if he looked into those eyes again, he'd burst into tears and break down here on the street.

"Peter, what are you doing?" The Doctor's voice was soft, trembling slightly, sounding hesitant and tentative. "I wasn't telling you to leave. I'd never do that. If that's what you think I meant by bringing you to the Tardis, you've misunderstood. I wouldn't have brought you to her if I didn't want you to stay with me."

"I can't," he managed to choke out, still not looking at the other man, keeping his eyes focused on the end of the alleyway. "I won't share you, not with anyone. Or anything. You've already told me you have a bond with your ship. A bond that doesn't include me, that I can't touch. Fine. You've let me down easy, so I'll make my exit."

With that, he took a step forward, then another, focusing on getting out of the alley and away from the Doctor. He couldn't look back. If he did, if he saw those eyes again, that face, he wouldn't be able to walk away. He'd have to stay, and he knew that he'd regret it. He couldn't give his heart to someone who wouldn't be able to give their own heart fully to him.

"Peter, please!" The Doctor's voice was pleading now, rising to a note of desperation. "Don't leave me. That's not why I brought you here. Yes, I have a bond with her, but it's not the kind of bond I have with you. It's completely different from us -- Peter, listen to me! I depend on her, but I'm not in love with her! I'm in love with you!"

"Are you?" Peter couldn't make himself turn around; he couldn't look at the Doctor. He was almost sure that he wouldn't be able to resist what he knew would be a pleading look on that face -- if he looked at the man he loved, he wouldn't be able to walk away. He'd end up giving his heart to someone who wasn't free to give their own, and he couldn't go through that.

"Of course I am," the Doctor whispered, his voice shaking so badly that the words were barely a whisper. "I've loved you since that first night we had together. I want to spend the rest of my life -- lives -- with you. Peter, please believe that. I love you. I always will."

The Doctor's voice broke into a sob on the last words; this time, it was the Time Lord who turned away, burying his face in his hands. Peter couldn't stand it any longer; he couldn't turn away from the Doctor. He took the the other man into his arms, wrapping one arm around the Doctor's waist, his free hand stroking his hair, trying to soothe him.

"Shhhh, don't cry," he murmured, closing his eyes to hold back his own tears. His mind was screaming at him to run, that this was a mistake -- he would only end up getting hurt, more badly than he'd ever been before. But he would hurt the Doctor even more by leaving him, his heart argued, pushing aside the more practical words. He couldn't hurt the man he loved.

The Doctor had wrapped both arms around his waist, clinging to Peter as though he would never let him go. Peter rested his cheek against the silky softness of the other man's hair, struggling to keep back his own tears. He could feel the Doctor's tears soaking through the fabric of his shirt; one more regret he'd have in his life, that he'd caused the man he loved this kind of pain.

"Please don't leave me," the Doctor sobbed, those small, delicate hands clutching at Peter's shirt, as if he could keep the other man there by doing so. "I need you, Peter. I love you. I can't watch you walk away from me. Not like this."

"I don't want to," he whispered, his own voice unsteady. "But I can't give myself to someone who can only give me a part of themselves, Doctor. Don't ask me to accept that. I've done it before, and I can't do it again. I can't put myself through that, not a second time. It's better that I walk away now and leave us both with memories we'll treasure."

"I'm not asking you to share me with anyone," the Doctor said, his voice catching on the words. "I wouldn't do that, Peter. The bond that I share with the Tardis isn't anything approaching sexual -- yes, she's a living organism, and she protects me. She even loves me, in a way, and I love her. But it's not the kind of love I have for you. It's nothing like that."

"So what is it, then?" Peter asked, hating the way his voice trembled on the words. "You said you have a bond with your ship. It's obviously something that means a great deal to you -- and that means that you're not completely able to give your heart to me. I'm sorry, Doctor, I can't accept a relationship like that. I've done it once. I won't do it again."

"She protects me. She's a safe haven for me." The Doctor raised his face to Peter's, tears streaking down his cheeks. "I suppose you could say it's .... a nurturing relationship. But that doesn't mean that I don't love you fully and completely, Peter. I do. You won't be sharing me with her. You won't be sharing me with anyone. Ever."

Peter was silent; he couldn't answer without words that he knew he'd regret pouring out. He should leave; he knew that. He should gently but firmly push the Doctor away from him, tell him that he'd never forget him and what they'd shared -- and walk out of his life without a backward glance.

That was what he should do.

But he couldn't do it. He loved this man far too much to walk away; he had no choice but to go into the future at the Doctor's side, and try to build something together. Maybe things would work out between them, and maybe they wouldn't. Maybe what he feared would come to pass, and his heart would be broken again.

And then again .... maybe it wouldn't. Maybe the Doctor was the man he was meant to share his life with. Maybe this was the person he'd been waiting for all of his life; maybe now was the time for the curtain to rise on the main act after all the overtures had faded into the distance.

Peter sighed, firmly shoving his doubts and fears to the back of his mind. He'd made the choice when he'd first met the Doctor, hadn't he? He'd known that this man was going to be his, that he'd give up everything in his life to be with him. He couldn't turn his back on that decision now. The Doctor needed him -- and, truth be told, he needed the Doctor.

He closed his eyes, stroking one hand through the Doctor's hair again. He couldn't give this up. He couldn't go through the rest of his life remembering what it felt like to have this man in his arms, knowing that they'd never be together again. He knew all too well what it was to have someone he loved walk away from him; he wouldn't do it to someone else.

"Please don't leave." The Doctor's words were barely audible, muffled against his shoulder. "I can't make you stay with me if you don't want to, but I'm begging you, Peter. Give this a chance."

Peter placed a finger under the Doctor's chin, tilting that beautiful face up to his. No, he couldn't go through the rest of his life without seeing that face on the pillow next to his every morning, without holding him and making love to him every night. If he walked away from the Doctor now, he'd be leaving a part of himself behind -- the best part.

There was only one direction he could in -- and that direction was forward, with the Doctor. Turning away now would be turning his back on the only future he could envision for himself, and he wasn't prepared to do that, even if it meant that he would get hurt at some point.

He'd made his choice, and he would stick to it.

"I'm staying," he whispered, using the pad of his thumb to wipe the tears away from the Doctor's face. "I couldn't leave you. You're already too much a part of me, Doctor. It would be like ripping my own heart out to turn away at this point. I may end up regretting this, but I don't have any choice but to be with you."

"You won't regret it," the Doctor murmured, raising his own hand to wipe at his tears and sniffling a little. "Do you .... want to see inside the Tardis, or would you rather go back to the hotel?" He cast a glance back towards the ship, then rested his gaze on Peter again, his dark eyes questioning, still looking strained and worried.

Peter hesitated, looking at the blue police box at the end of the alley, then back at the Doctor. "If you want me to see inside it, then I suppose I should. After all, I'll be traveling in it with you for quite a while," he said softly, brushing his lips against the Doctor's cheek. "Probably sooner than I'd thought I would."

"That's true," the Doctor said, turning towards the ship. Taking Peter's hand, he twined those long, slender fingers through the other man's taking a few steps towards the Tardis with Peter beside him. "This .... may feel a little odd to you at first. She's bigger on the inside than she looks on the outside. Much bigger."

"Oh?" Peter raised his eyebrows, measuring the Tardis with his eyes again. "It looks like a normal police box to me. An old one, but otherwise, normal."

"The Tardis is anything but normal," the Doctor told him, leading him to the door and turning to him with a smile. "And I think that from this moment on, your life is going to be anything but normal, too." Opening the door, he stepped back and held it open, letting Peter step inside and following him in, pulling the door firmly closed behind them.

***