Title: One Last Kiss
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: past Jack/Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 30_losses
Prompt: 3B, Last Kiss
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

He could still feel Jack's last kiss on his lips.

The Doctor raised a hand to his mouth, pressing thin fingers against his lips as though he could erase the memory of that kiss by a touch. It was impossible, of course. That kiss would linger on his lips for the rest of his life.

Even if he regenerated, he would still feel the pressure of the other man's mouth on his, the bittersweet finality of that last kiss. It would be forever etched into his mind, even if he became a different man and he didn't still feel the pain of Jack's betrayal.

That was what it was, wasn't it? he asked himself, reluctantly facing the question head-on for the first time since Jack had left. Maybe his lover hadn't seen it that way, but for the Doctor, there was no other way to view the fact that Jack had left him.

He could try to wash away the feel of that kiss; he could close the door on his memory, try his best to forget the nights that he'd spent wrapped in Jack's arms. He could try his best to push aside the pleasure of their lovemaking, the way Jack had made him feel.

He could try to forget the words that the other man had said, whispered words that had sunk into his consciousness and embedded themselves there. Words that he had believed, words that he had thought would always ring true.

And he could try to forget how his world had come to a grinding halt when Jack had said goodbye.

He shouldn't depend on one person so much. He should know more than anyone that love never lasted forever, no matter how strong the emotion was. If his long life had taught him anything, it was that he couldn't depend on anyone but himself.

Maybe it would have been easy to hold on to all of that, to let Jack go in his hearts, if there hadn't been the memory of that one last kiss he'd placed on the Doctor's lips before he'd whispered his last goodbye and walked out of the Tardis and out of the Time Lord's life.

Of course, Jack wasn't out of his life for good. They would eventually see each other again. But he wasn't going to hurry towards that meeting; it would be far too painful. He still wasn't over his feelings for Jack, and he would have to be before he could face the other man again.

There had been plenty of former lovers in his life in the past. He'd seen them again with no problem, even when he'd been in the same body that they'd been involved with. But this was different. Jack was no mere companion, no temporary lover.

Jack was the man he'd wanted to bond with, the man he'd accepted into his hearts and soul with no reservations. The one who could give him the forever that he craved, the one who had promised to stay with him and never break his hearts.

He should have known better than to believe in those promises.

It was easy to make promises, the Doctor told himself, his fingers still pressed against the softness of his mouth. It was far harder to actually keep them -- or to realize just what kind of hope they could hold out to the person who was hearing them.

Jack's promises never had any meaning behind them -- at least not the ones he made in the throes of passion. He should have known better than to believe them, than to think that he was the one who would make Jack change.

That had been a forlorn hope from the start. But he'd still held that spark of hope in his hearts that Jack would stay with him forever; he'd let himself hope against hope that the immortal wouldn't tire of him and walk away to find some new path to follow.

It was inevitable that those hopes would come crashing to the ground. And that he would spend what seemed like nothing but a series of endless days and nights looking back at the time they'd been together and wishing that it had all been so different.

He despised himself sometimes for feeling that way. He wasn't a weak man; he was a Time Lord, the Doctor, the Oncoming Storm. He wasn't someone who spent time lamenting a lost lover, a relationship that had been doomed to end badly right from the start.

But then, he'd never known anyone like Jack Harkness before.

It would have been impossible for him not to mourn the demise of their relationship. That one last kiss that Jack had left him with ensured that he would remember what they had been for the rest of his life; a kiss that would burn on his lips for all eternity.

He would never be able to replace Jack, not in his bed and not in his hearts. The man had been so much more than a companion; he'd been not only the Doctor's lover, but the one person in the universe he'd ever wanted to bond with.

That chance was gone, lost when Jack had kissed him and then walked away. Any hope of that kind of a bond lasting for the entirety of their lives had walked away with him, and maybe he should be thankful for that. Maybe it wouldn't have worked for them.

But that last kiss that still burned upon his lips told him that they might have worked. The passion that had flowed between the two of them was like nothing he'd ever experienced before, and never would again. That was something that came once in a lifetime, if that.

That passion was gone, and it was never going to come back. Even if he and Jack were able to somehow rekindle their relationship, it would never be the same. It had all changed when Jack had walked away; he would never completely trust the immortal again.

Though he still had that last kiss; the kiss that he would always remember, the taste forever lingering on his lips to remind him of the sweetness of what they had shared. The memory was all that he had left, a memory that burned in his mind, in his hearts, and on his lips.

The memory of that one last kiss would have to be enough.

***