Title: Only My Heart Talking
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: Amnesty in January, 5_prompts
Prompt: 2, from Table 3 -- If I could have one wish
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

"What would you wish if you only had one that could be granted?" Jamie asked the Doctor as the two of them lay in bed together, the Time Lord's head resting on his shoulder. "I know what mine would be, but I can't think of what you might wish for."

The Doctor smiled at his lover's question, turning it over in his mind. "To be quite honest, I'm not sure either," he admitted, settling himself more comfortably next to Jamie. "I've never really considered a question like that. I don't know what I'd wish for, love."

"I know exactly what I'd wish for." Jamie laughed softly as he raised a hand to stroke his fingers through the Doctor's hair. "I'm sure you can guess what it would be, if you think hard enough. I've certainly talked enough about it for you to know."

The Doctor was fairly sure he knew what his lover's one wish would be, but he wanted to hear the words from Jamie; as much as he knew it might only depress the both of them to talk about the subject, he knew that it might be therapeutic for Jamie to do so.

"What would your one wish be, sweetheart?" he asked, his voice soft and gentle. He closed his eyes, loving the feel of Jamie's fingers twining through his hair; somehow, this man always knew just the right way to touch him.

"You know what it would be," Jamie whispered, his voice barely audible. "I would wish that I could be a Time Lord, instead of being trapped in a human body with one singel heart -- so that I'd be able to spend eternity with you."

The Doctor could feel his throat constricting, tears coming to his eyes. He had known that this was what Jamie would say -- and he also knew that it was an impossible dream, a wish that couldn't come true. And he wanted more than anything to grant that wish.

Maybe it was selfish of him -- but he wanted that wish for himself, as much as for Jamie. He wanted this man to be with him forever, to be by his side until both of their lives came to an end and they could walk into the next realm of being hand in hand.

He knew that when he finally did reach that point, Jamie would be there, waiting for him, holding out his hand and smiling at him, transfixing his gaze with that beautiful smile that he so loved. But that was far, far in the future -- and there would be years, even centuries, for him to be alone.

The thought made him want to burst into tears. He hated being alone; even in the times when he'd thought it was best, he'd always been restless, feeling that he was missing something important in his life and longing for the day when he would have a companion again.

Now he'd found the perfect companion, the one he wanted to have by his side until the end of time -- and fate had conspired to put that person into a human body, one that would age and die all too soon. In giving him his greatest happiness, fate had also presented him with unbearable pain.

"Doctor, what is it? What's wrong?" Jamie's voice pulled him away from his thoughts; it took him a few moments to realize that he was crying, silent tears streaking down his cheeks to leave glistening trails down the soft skin of his lover's chest.

"It's just .... just ...." The Doctor took a deep breath, trying to steady himself and gulp back the tears that had risen unbidden to his eyes and overflowed before he could stop them from falling. "It's the thought of losing you one day. Of knowing that you're human."

Jamie sighed softly, blinking rapidly as though he, too, was forcing back tears. But when he spoke, his voice was soft and gentle, even though the Doctor could sense the regret behind his words, the sadness that the other man must be feeling.

"It's only my heart talking, you know," he murmured, his hand still stroking through the Doctor's hair, as though to soothe him. "I know it isn't possible for me to become a Time Lord. I'll have to be satisfied with just having the brain of one, in a fragile human body."

"I love your body, whether it's fragile or not," the Doctor whispered, feeling his throat constrict again. If only he could Jamie his one wish, make him a Time Lord. If only he had considered the possibilities before he had so desperately tried to keep himself from regenerating ....

No, there was no use looking at their lives in that light. If he hadn't been so desperate to stop what was happening at the time, he would be gone, and Jamie would never have existed. They would never have known each other, and he would be merely a memory now.

They might not have the perfect existence, but they had each other. And really, when weighed against that single fact, was anything else really important? As long as he had Jamie, he could survive anything, stand up to any situation, face any danger.

He wouldn't have Jamie here forever; he knew that. But even when the other man was gone, his human life over, he would still be a part of the Doctor; Jamie was his in a way that no one else could ever be, a veritable part of his body, his mind, his soul.

"The rational part of me knows that one wish can't ever come true," Jamie told him, a slight catch in his voice. "But when I think about that wish, and think that maybe, if we're lucky, it might come true one day -- that's my single heart talking, telling me that I can't give up hope."

"If there's any hope that you can become a Time Lord, and have the body and the lives to go with your brain -- then I'll help you find it, love," the Doctor whispered, laying his hand on Jamie's chest to feel his single heart beating. "I promise you that."

"I know you will, Doctor," Jamie told him, laying his own hand on top of the Time Lord's. "If there's a way, we'll find it. I don't think we need to go actively searching for it, but if we're lucky, maybe one day it might come to us. We just can't stop hoping that it will."

If only he could have that open, ingenuous hope that Jamie so obviously did! He wanted to believe that this could happen, the Doctor told himself. He wanted to believe more than anything that Jamie could become a Time Lord, that his lover could be with him forever.

Did he have that kind of belief in him? Or had it died with one of the many times that he'd been held captive by the Master, or one of what seemed like hundreds of disappointments, maybe thousands, that he'd had to face in his long life?

He had to believe. It was like believing in Tinker Bell when you read Peter Pan, and clapping your hands to show that you believed in fairies. He had to believe that Jamie could indeed be granted his one wish; he had to hold on to that hope with everything he had.

"I know that it's a slim hope, and that it's only my heart talking and wishing out loud," Jamie said with a regretful sigh. "But I can't completely put out that little spark of hope, Doctor. I can't turn my back on that belief that one day, it could happen."

"It might be a slim hope, but it's one that's worth holding on to, love," the Doctor told him, moving his hand from Jamie's chest and moving his head to press a kiss where his hand had been. Jamie's skin was soft and warm under his lips, his single heart beating steadily.

"It's a hope that I'm not going to let go of," Jamie declared, his tone strong and firm. "I believe that wishes can come true, Doctor. It's happened before, and it can happen again. And if it doesn't happen -- well, then I'll still have had my time with you, won't I?"

The Doctor nodded, holding back another rush of tears that threatened to overflow and slip down his cheeks again. In spite of obviously wishing that he had more than his brief human life span, Jamie was obviously starting to accept the fact that he would live out his life as a human.

He could only hope that the man he loved would have his wish granted. There was no telling if it would come true or not, but as the Doctor settled himself more comfortably into his lover's arms, he sent out his own fervent wish that what they both wanted would indeed come to pass.

***