Title: Paintings in My Mind
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, 100_tales
Prompt: 99, Writer's Choice - Mind
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie closed the photo album he'd been looking at, getting up and carefully putting it back on the shelf in the Tardis' library where the Doctor always kept it. Moving back to the couch, he sank down onto the comfortable cushions, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.

It was almost strange that the Doctor kept all of those photo albums; he could recall every moment that he'd shared with all of those past companions, the memories etched crystal-clear into his mind's eye. Why keep old photos when one had total recall?

But maybe there would come a time when those memories wouldn't be so sharp, when they would start to fade around the edges, become blurry and indistinct. After all, that was what memories were inevitably like; they were designed to fade in time.

Even when one could recall every moment, every look, every laugh, every touch, those memories would always become a thing of the past, only to be taken out and looked at when one wanted to be nostalgic. And Jamie had noticed that the Doctor did so very rarely.

His memories obviously meant a great deal to him; he wouldn't keep those photo albums if they didn't. And Jamie knew that, even though some of his companions had irritated him and even angered him at times, that the Doctor had cared about all of them and considered them close friends.

There were some who had wanted to be more than friends; those memories still made Jamie cringe, and he was sure that the Doctor felt the same. But those companions were a part of the past as well, and the ones that he least wanted contact with were far away from them.

Those pictures in the photo album were all there in his own mind; having the Doctor's memories put those moments that the Time Lord had shared with his former companions right there front and center. He couldn't get rid of them, even if he had wanted to.

And somehow, he didn't. Those memories might not technically be his, but they were a part of him, in a way. He was intrinsically linked to the Doctor; those memories formed a part of the past that he wanted to hold on to, so that he could always remind himself of where he'd come from.

They were like paintings in his mind, painstakingly colored by some unknown artist. He knew every feature of every one of those former companions, as if he'd known them himself, walked with them, talked with them, laughed with them, had them in his life as friends.

In some ways, they would always be a part of his life, even though he had never known them, simply by virtue of them having been part of the Doctor's life. He would always know their names and their faces; he might not have technically met them, but he knew as much about them as the Doctor did.

Those people actually seemed like his friends, people who had been close to him, that he held dear to his hearts -- even though they had never met. Thanks to him having the Doctor's memories, he could also feel the emotional connection between his lover and these companions.

There were some that he wished weren't there, though he knew that it would be impossible to delete those memories from the Doctor's mind -- or from his own. And even though some of those companions had been a disappointment to the Doctor, he knew that his lover had still cared for them.

But none of those companions had been what he was to the Time Lord, Jamie reminded himself. Some of them had wanted to be the Doctor's lover -- but they had never become what they'd longed to be. He was the only companion who had that honor.

He pushed away the thought of Jack Harkness; that was a relationship from the past, one that the Doctor had assured him many times was over and done with. He didn't have to worry about Jack coming back into the Doctor's life as anything but a trusted friend.

None of the others would come back into his lover's life as a companion, either. Those people were part of the past, even the ones that the Doctor could still visit. They had moved on with their lives -- and the Doctor's life was with him now. Those companions were only memories now.

He'd been afraid of ending up as one of those memories at some point, Jamie mused with a faint smile. But now that he was a Time Lord himself, he knew that wasn't going to happen. He would always be right here, by the Doctor's side; nothing would ever separate the two of them.

He would never be relegated to the Doctor's memories, or to a place in the Time Lord's past. He would stay here, right by his lover's side, always with the Doctor whenever he was needed. He would never leave; he knew exactly where he belonged, and he was where he wanted to be.

When he'd first been brought into this life, he had been so afraid that the Doctor wouldn't want to keep him here; even after the Time Lord had made that decision, Jamie had still had his doubts about how much he was wanted. But those doubts had been dispelled forever.

Of course the Doctor wanted and needed him. His lover had said those words so many times that Jamie had no reason to doubt them; he knew that the Doctor wouldn't say it unless he meant it. And the Time Lord had proved many times over that he wanted Jamie in his life.

He would never be one of those memories in a photo album; he would always be right here with the Doctor. If he was ever relegated to nothing more than some photographs and a memory, things would have to change a great deal for them, and Jamie didn't think that they would.

They might have their disagreements over time; no couple could be together for years on end and always get along perfectly. They both expected that; so far, there had been no major arguments, but even when they came, Jamie was confident that he and the Doctor would manage to work things out.

He'd never have to worry about becoming part of the Doctor's past. He would always be a part of the present -- and the future. Of course, they would have a shared past, but it would be one that they could look back on together, and smile at what that past held.

Those other companions would always be in the Doctor's mind -- and in his own. They had their place in the Time Lord's past, and they always would. Jamie accepted that; he knew that no one could have lived as long as the Doctor had and not have a past that was rich with memories.

The memories would always be there, like paintings in his mind, the gallery always there for him to look at. But he would never have to worry that his own portrait might join that gallery one day. He knew that the Doctor would never relegate him to the past.

Jamie frowned slightly as another thought struck him. What would happen if he regenerated? Would the Doctor no longer want to be with him? Was he even capable of regeneration, as any Time Lord should be, or would he remain in this body forever because of how he'd become a Time Lord?

Those were questions that neither he nor the Doctor would be able to answer any time soon, Jamie thought with a soft sigh. He was worried about what the future could possibly hold for them, but he wasn't going to let himself be so caught up in those worries that they overwhelmed him.

He would look at those paintings in his mind every so often, and he would let himself sink into those memories now and then. But they weren't really his memories, and he would always feel in the back of his mind that he was only borrowing someone else's.

That didn't really bother him, Jamie thought as he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. He was willing to keep his distance, to only look at those paintings in his mind as though he was strolling through a gallery and simply looking around, an impersonal observer.

He didn't know those people; the Doctor did. He couldn't think of them as his memories, or his friends -- even though, thanks to the Doctor's memories, he knew them better than most people ever would. But still, they were only paintings to him, only memories that belonged to another person.

And he was perfectly happy to keep it that way, Jamie told himself as he got to his feet and headed out of the library. He was the one who the Doctor had chosen to be with him this time around -- and he was the one companion who could, and would, stay here forever.

***