Title: Potential Danger
Pairing: John Reese/Jordan Hester
Fandom: Person of Interest
Table: 64, 5_prompts
Prompt: 1, This is not a conversation I want to have right now
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely John Reese or Jordan Hester, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.
***"What are you not telling me, John?" Jordan's voice was tight, controlled; he wouldn't look up at John, wouldn't meet his eyes. "I might not know you as well as I'd like to yet, but I do know you well enough to know when you're keeping something hidden."
John cursed himself for ever having told Jordan how dangerous tomorrow night was going to be for him. He and Harold had a plan for rescuing someone from a bad situation, and this time, it was going to require more finesse than he usually had to use.
He would be all right; he was fairly sure of that. He seemed to have a facility for coming through even the most dangerous scenarios with little more than some scars and bruises; he wished that he could make Jordan understand that, and not worry so much.
If he'd had any sense, he wouldn't have told his boyfriend how dangerous this situation could be, he told himself wryly. He had known that Jordan would be concerned; maybe he had just needed to know that someone other than Harold cared about what happened to him.
"I'm telling you what you need to know, Jordan," he finally said, keeping his voice soft. "I don't want to put you in the middle of something that could be potentially more dangerous than what I usually deal with, but I didn't want to leave you completely in the dark, either."
"John, please tell me more about what you're doing," Jordan whispered, a pleading expression on his face. "I want to know just what you're going to be facing. And if there's any way I can help, if there's any way I can make this less dangerous for you, then I will."
He didn't want to deal with this. As much as he loved Jordan, he didn't want to worry that his boyfriend might take it upon himself to try to interfere in some way -- and that he would inadvertently make this even more dangerous than it already was.
"I can't tell you, Jordan," John said, his voice going flat and blank. "I wish I could, but I can't. I'm not going to let you get into the middle of this. I'm not going to risk anything happening to you. Don't ask me any more questions, because I can't give you the answers."
"Then at least tell me why you're trying to help this person." Jordan's voice was quiet, but insistent. "I've got a right to know that much, don't I? If the man I love is walking into a situation that's more dangerous than usual, I should know just why I might be losing him."
"You're not going to lose me." John reached across the kitchen table to take Jordan's hand, twining their fingers together and squeezing gently. "Jordan, you have nothing to be afraid of. Yes, this will be more dangerous than usual. But I'll be all right."
"You can't promise me that." Jordan looked up, blinking, the shine of unshed tears in his dark eyes. "I don't want to lose you, John. I just found you. I'm not going to let this .... hero complex you have take you away from me because you're trying to help someone you don't even know."
John sighed, raising a hand to rub at his eyes, feeling frustrated and more than a little annoyed. "And how would you have felt if there'd been somebody in my life who had taken that attitude when I was trying to help you?" he snapped, instantly regretting his words.
Jordan's face had gone pale; he looked stricken, as though John's words had wounded him. They probably had, John thought, wishing that he could take back what he'd said. But the words were out; he couldn't unspeak them, and Jordan's couldn't pretend that he hadn't heard them.
"I'm sorry," he said softly, squeezing Jordan's hand again. "I didn't mean that, Jordan. You know I love you, and you know that I'll be more careful than usual tomorrow night. I'm not going to do anything that's going to expose me to more risk than I need to take."
"It's taking enough of a risk just to do what you do," Jordan murmured, looking away from John. "I don't have the right to ask you not to do this, and I won't. But you do know that I don't want you to, right? I do have the right to tell you that."
John groaned inwardly, cursing himself for telling Jordan even the little that he had about tomorrow night. "Jordan, this is not a conversation I want to have right now. I don't want you angry at me. I want to enjoy being with you, not fighting about what I do."
"We're not fighting." Jordan's gaze was back on his face again, those dark eyes full of fear, a fear that made John feel even more guilty. He shouldn't put Jordan through this. He shouldn't make his boyfriend feel that they would lose each other.
"Yes, we are. We're arguing, and I don't want that." John stood up, pulling Jordan to his feet and into his arms. He buried his face against the other man's dark hair, closing his eyes and pressing Jordan close against him, not wanting to let him go.
He didn't want this. He didn't want Jordan to have to be afraid of losing him every time he had to do his job. He didn't want his job to come between them. After all, if it hadn't been for that job, he would never have met Jordan and found the love of his life.
"I'm not going to argue with you any longer," he said softly, trailing gentle kisses across Jordan's cheek. "I'm going to do what I have to do tomorrow night, and then I'm going to come straight here. To you. To be with you, and to prove to you that I'm all right."
"I wish you weren't dong this," Jordan whispered, resting his forehead against John's. "I wish that I didn't have to worry about you, and wonder if you're safe. I wish you did just about anything but what you do. But I'm not going to try to stop you."
"I just want one promise from you, Jordan," John told him, wishing that he could make himself sound stern, but knowing that he didn't have it in him. Not tonight. "I want you to promise me that you're not going to try to come after me with some misguided idea of keeping me safe."
Jordan raised his head, his dark gaze meeting John's. "I promise," he said, his voice hoarse and strained. "Not trying to follow you and figuring out some way to keep you safe may be the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but if you don't want me to, then I promise I won't."
"Thank you," John whispered, brushing his lips across Jordan's. "It's not that I don't appreciate you wanting to help, Jordan. I do. You know I do. I just .... I don't want to put you in any danger. Just being with me could put you in enough danger as it is."
"I wish you weren't the one walking into a dangerous situation," Jordan answered, still sounding hoarse, as though he was having difficulty getting the words out. "But I trust you, John. I trust you to come back to me safe. I'm counting on you to do that."
"That's my promise to you," John murmured, taking Jordan's face between his hands and gazing into his lover's eyes. "I'm going to come back to you tomorrow night, Jordan. I may be a little banged up, but I"ll be with you. I'll always come back to you. Count on that."
"I will," Jordan told him, his voice gaining strength, his gaze never leaving John's. "And I'll always be here waiting for you, John. You'll always have me to run to, any time you're in potential danger, or any time at all." His smile wasn't forced or tearful; it was a genuine smile.
John said nothing else; he only pulled Jordan close, holding his lover tightly against the warmth of his body. He hadn't wanted to have this conversation, but in a way, he was glad that they had. He only hoped that it wouldn't be a conversation they'd have again in the near future.
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