Title: Secret Life
By: angstytimelord
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Law & Order
Pairing: Michael Cutter/Jack McCoy
Table: 5_prompts, Month of November challenge
Prompt: Day 23 - No one knows
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own Michael Cutter or Jack McCoy, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.***
Mike raised his head from his desk as a shadow fell across the door of his office; for a moment, he thought that Jack was coming in, or someone else wanted to ask him a question. But it was only someone passing by, walking down the hall to their own sanctuary.
He couldn't help but wonder if people threw him knowing looks now and then, looks that were veiled by smiles and expressions of innocence. How many people were there in this office, in this building, who might know about the relationship he and Jack shared?
No one knows, he told himself, trying to keep his inner voice calm and sedate. How could they? He and Jack didn't parade their relationship to anyone; when they had done things in Jack's office, they'd been careful to keep themselves quiet.
Maybe it wouldn't always be like that, he cautioned himself. Maybe they would get careless one day, and cross a line that would let people know beyond a shadow of a doubt what was going on between them. Maybe they wouldn't always be this safe.
And once they did, then all hell would break loose. He had no doubt that Jack would lose his job -- and he would be torn down alongside his lover. The two of them would be disgraced; they would more than likely never be able to practice law in any way again.
Did that really matter? Mike asked himself, propping his chin in his hand and looking out of the window. Nothing mattered as much as being with Jack did. If he lost the man he loved, if they had to give each other up, then the rest of his life would seem cold and empty.
He'd thought for so long that his job was enough for him, that it would keep him happy and satisfied. It certainly kept hm occupied; there didn't seem to be enough hours in the day for him to work. But now, he had something more in his life than just a job, more than his ambition.
If he lost Jack, then life would lose its savor. He might be forced to give up their relationship to protect his job, and Jack's; they might come to a point where they would never be able to touch each other again outside of the confines of a handshake.
He couldn't live like that. If Jack was no longer his master, not only his boss at work, then something inside hm would wither away and die. He needed the relationship that they had now -- and that meant that no one could know about what they shared.
Mike was sure that Jack felt the same way about him. He didn't know for sure that his lover needed their relationship as badly as he himself did, but he knew that it satisfied something within Jack's soul. And he knew that Jack couldn't find anyone else exactly like him.
Oh, he could probably find men who were willing to be his slave. But he would never find anyone who was as fiercely loyal to him as Mike was -- or who loved him in the way that Mike did. He would never find that kind of unswerving devotion with anyone else.
If anyone were to find out just how far his devotion to Jack went, then they would be in trouble. He paled as he thought of all Jack's enemies -- and his own. There were so many people who would love nothing better than to see the two of them brought low.
Those enemies had to be kept from finding out anything about their secret life outside of the office. Nothing about it could come to light; Mike knew all too well that they couldn't trust anyone with their secret. It was too juicy a piece of gossip.
Even people who they might think that they trusted could very well whisper behind their hands to others -- and word could get out. They had to be very careful, very discreet, and make sure that they appeared to be nothing more than friends and colleagues.
No could could know how much he loved Jack McCoy, how this man had become his whole life in what was a relatively short time. He had loved Jack before their personal relationship had begun -- but now, that love had taken on a whole new meaning.
There was nothing he wouldn't do for Jack. This man owned him, heart, body and soul. But there was no one he could talk to about the way he felt, no one who he could trust to keep their secret. He had to hold it within himself, and keep his feelings hidden from public view.
That was the hardest thing to do, Michael thought with a sigh. Keeping those feelings out of his eyes, making sure that he looked at Jack with the cool gaze of a working colleague, nothing more. He had to keep his heart hidden, pretend that it didn't exist.
No one knew about them -- of that he was sure. They had been so careful to keep anything person out of their dealings within their jobs; there had even been times when they might have come across as being on opposite sides of the fence at work.
Well, there were times when they did disagree on some of the cases they worked on, Mike thought, a small smile crossing his features. He and Jack were two different people, with different opinions on some issues; of course they weren't always going to agree.
But when they were behind closed doors, he wasn't Michael Cutter, ADA. He was Jack McCoy's slave, a man who had given himself over to another in every possible way. Jack didn't want him to submerge his own identity, but he did expect to be obeyed unquestioningly.
It was a good thing that he'd found a man who could be all to him that Jack was without losing part of who he was in the process, Michael reflected. A lesser man than Jack McCoy might have gone out of his way to take advantage of that complete surrender.
Jack would never do that. He could trust the man he loved to lead him, but never to overwhelm him. Jack knew just when to push -- and when to hold back. And now that they were settling into their relationship, he was starting to push at more boundaries than he had at first.
No one knew about the two of them, and it would have to stay like that. He would never be able to tell anyone how he felt about Jack, not even his closest friends. But he would know in his heart -- and wasn't that the only thing that really mattered?
He knew what they shared, and Jack knew. No one else needed to know, Mike thought as he returned his gaze to the papers on his desk. The two of them shared their secret life, and their feelings for each other. And for them, that would always have to be enough.***