Title: See the Light
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Peter Carlisle
Fandom: Doctor Who/Blackpool
Rating: PG-13
Table: doctorwho_100
Prompt: 70, Storm
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Peter Carlisle. Please do not sue.

***

He'd been called a storm, the Doctor thought grimly. He couldn't deny the appellation. There had always been a dark side to him, a side that he didn't like others to see. He tried to keep it in check, but there were times when it had to be allowed to surface.

That side of him was something that he kept under rigid control; he couldn't remember a time in his long life when he'd ever let it out completely. He didn't want to. It was dangerous, a beast that had to be reined in carefully.

Peter had never seen that side of him. He didn't want his lover to see that darkness; if he did, there was a good chance that he would be appalled and turn away from him. He couldn't live with losing Peter; that wasn't an option in any way.

The Doctor had no doubt that seeing the darkness that resided in him, if it was allowed its full freedom of expression, would make Peter back away from him.

Maybe he shouldn't be so worried about that, he thought with a sigh. After all, Peter had seen the worst of so many people during his career as a detective. He was used to things like that; if anyone understood the darker side of a soul, he did.

But he didn't want Peter to have a visual of his own dark side. He knew just how deep the black pit of that dark side could be, and it wasn't something that he wanted to expose his lover to, even if he was confident that Peter could handle it.

A man who had seen the darker side of human nature probably wouldn't be appalled by what could reside in the Doctor's soul. But still, he didn't want to take any chances. That storm that was hidden deep within him wasn't something he wanted to put on display.

Of course, he had no problem with his enemies seeing it. They had to, at times, so they would know what they were dealing with.

How could he expect Peter to want to deal with that darkness after all the time he'd spent chasing down people who were murderers, rapists, thieves? His love had wanted to leave that life behind him; it wasn't fair to make him take something of a step back into it.

And not only that, but he was sure that no human depravity could possibly live up to the darkness that resided within his soul. It was a maelstrom that he himself would want to quail away from if it was ever pointed in his direction.

Was that something Peter would be willing to deal with? The Doctor wasn't sure, and he didn't want to ask his lover to face that side of him. Peter had already seen enough in his life. It shouldn't have to color the life he was leading now.

Though his life would be shadowed by that darkness, the Doctor thought ruefully. It would have to be, if Peter stayed with him.

As though in answer to his thoughts, Peter came into the control room, a smile on his lips as he moved towards the Doctor. The Time Lord turned to him, trying to push his uncomfortable thoughts out of his mind as he faced his lover.

"Hello, sweetheart," he said softly, his dark gaze meeting Peter's. "I wonder how you always seem to know just when to come in here? It's almost as if I summoned you by thinking about you." His words were light, but there was a deeper meaning behind them.

"You were thinking about me? I'm flattered." Peter's words were said laughingly, but the Doctor could sense that the other man somehow knew there was something hidden underneath the surface that he needed to talk about.

"You were looking awfully serious when I first walked in," Peter continued, his voice soft. "Is there anything you need to tell me, love?"

The Doctor didn't particularly want to broach the subject with Peter -- but the sooner he made himself do it, the sooner they would talk it out. He took a deep breath, hesitating for a moment, not knowing where to start.

Peter looked at him with anxious eyes, slipping his arms around the Time Lord's waist and pulling the other man close against him. "Whatever it is, it's obviously bothering you," he murmured, brushing his lips against the Doctor's cheek. "Tell me, sweetheart."

When he opened his mouth, the words came tumbling out before he could stop them. "I'm afraid that when you have to see my dark side, the storm that's always boiling inside me, that you'll turn away. I'm afraid you won't want to deal with it -- with me."

The other man's eyes widened in a look of disbelief before he shook his head, his words emphatic when he spoke again.

"Doctor, that's not something you should ever concern yourself with. Do you think that I haven't seen enough of the dark side of people to know what it can be like? Everyone has it, you, me, every living being. It's nothing I can't deal with."

The Doctor almost wanted to let out a sigh of relief, but there were still some worries that he had to speak of now, while he felt that he could. "But you've seen so much conflict in your life, Peter. What if you don't feel that you want to see it any more -- especially from me?"

He'd expected some hesitation on Peter's part, but the other man only shook his head emphatically. "Then if I do see that side of you -- and I'm sure that I will, at some point -- I'll know that what you're doing is for the good of the universe. I don't doubt that."

"You don't?" The Doctor was surprised to hear those words; he'd thought that Peter would be hesitant about his motivations. "You're more understanding than most people, then."

Peter laughed softly, raising a hand to stroke the Doctor's unruly hair out of his eyes. "I have to be," he said, his voice soft. "You know what kind of a job I've had. That's not easily left behind me, Doctor. It's something that's going to stay with me."

"But you've never seen me in that way," the Doctor interrupted, his tone betraying his anxiety. "I don't want you to be disgusted, Peter. I don't want you to turn away from me because you've seen too much of that already, and you can't take seeing it in your lover."

The other man shook his head again, enfolding the Doctor even more closely in his arms. "That isn't going to happen. I know your dedication to keeping the universe safe, Doctor. If you do have to let that dark side come out, it's because you have no choice. I can live with that."

He continued after a moment, his tone lighter, almost bantering. "And actually, I think it's going to be exciting to see that storm in action protecting the world. Sexy, in a way."

The Doctor nodded, feeling relieved at Peter's words. This man wasn't going to be disgusted by his dark side and turn away. He would understand -- and he would know that anything the Doctor did was for the good of the universe, a decision that he'd had to make.

"Sexy?" The Doctor laughed softly, shaking his head. "I don't know if you could call it that. But it's probably something that you won't expect to see -- and a side of me that I don't let come out often. I'm not proud of it -- but sometimes it's needed."

"I know it is," Peter told him, his voice gentle. "You're the first line of defense for the universe. You can't hold that dark side back all the time, Doctor. Though I have to admit that I see the lighter side, even if the darker one might take precedence once in a while."

"I'm glad that you can see the good in me before the bad," the Doctor murmured, closing his eyes and resting his head against Peter's shoulder. "Sometimes I can't."

"You shouldn't feel like that, love," Peter whispered, his lips brushing the Doctor's forehead. "It's hard to see the light in ourselves at times, for anyone. But you have to remember that every time your dark side comes out, it's for a good reason."

"The intentions are always good, even if I personally don't like how I might have to carry things out," the Doctor sighed. "But I'm glad you understand that, Peter. I was afraid you wouldn't. I didn't want you to see me as being like all those people you've had to deal with."

"I could never see you like that," Peter said softly, cupping the Doctor's cheek and stroking his fingers over the Time Lord's soft skin. "All I can see when I look at you is the man I love. I see the light, not the dark. And I always will."

The Doctor nodded, his worry slowly seeping away. The storms of his nature would always find a safe haven here -- with the one person who could see the light shining through that darkness.

***