Title: A Series of Separations
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Giacomo Casanova
Fandom: Doctor Who/Casanova (Masterpiece Theater)
Rating: PG-13
Table: 4
Prompt: 86, Separation
Author's Note: The character of Giacomo Casanova is based on the BBC version of Casanova starring David Tennant.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Giacomo Casanova. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sat with Giacomo in silence; he really didn't feel like talking, and besides, the silence with Giac was companionable. He wasn't the sort of person who made one feel as though they had to keep up a running stream of conversation.

He was already regretting his decision to come here to say goodbye to his one-time lover; it wasn't as though Giac would ever have known what happened to him, and he should have left it that way. It was going to be hard to tell the young Italian that he planned to do away with himself.

Maybe Giac would understand -- but somehow, the Doctor didn't think so. He was so ebullient, so full of life; he embraced everything around him, the bad with the good. He wouldn't think much of a decision to throw a life away.

Glancing sideways at the other man, the Doctor was disconcerted to find that Giac was watching him, a slight smile on those handsome features.

"Why did you come here, caro?" he asked, his voice quiet and gentle. "I don't think it was just to see me. Neither do I think that of all the places you could go, this would be the one that you'd choose to drown your sorrows."

The Doctor swallowed, searching for an answer before he spoke. He didn't know what to tell Giac; he had a feeling that if he tried to give the other man a dishonest answer, he would be found out. Giac had a way of being able to reach inside his soul.

He couldn't hide from this man. His emotions were open and laid bare; there was something about Giac that urged him to unburden himself. He didn't know exactly why, but he felt that he owed it to this perceptive man to do so.

"I ...." He didn't know what he should say. Giac was looking at him expectantly, one brow raised in question, but not rushing him. but obviously expecting some explanation. "I wanted to see you. To talk to you. Before ...." He let his voice trail off.

"Before you return to your Jack, to give him another chance?" Giac asked softly, one hand raising to stroke the Doctor's cheek. "That would seem the thing for you to do."

The Doctor shook his head, feeling the tears rise behind his eyes again. "I can't do that. He's already told me that he doesn't want to spend his life with me, and I can't stay with him knowing that sooner or later, he's going to leave. I can't."

Giac nodded, looking grave. "I understand how you feel, my angel. Believe me, I do. I've dealt with that feeling far too many times in my life, and I know how it can seem so overwhelming that it seems the only way out is sweet oblivion."

The Time Lord looked up, eyes widening, surprised that Giac would say such a thing. He hadn't thought that the other man realized just what he might have in mind -- but maybe Giac was more perceptive than he'd given him credit for. Or he'd just been very obvious.

"I know your state of mind, Doctor," Giac continued, his voice growing a little stronger as he went on. "I'm sure that others throughout time have felt the same as you do. But you know, giving in to your despair is a mistake. There is still so much for you, so much to live for."

The Doctor shook his head, disagreeing. "No, Giac, there isn't. No one can give me forever. Jack was the only person who could -- and he doesn't want to. He doesn't feel for me as I do for him. And I won't force him into something he doesn't want."

"Your life seems to have been a series of separations, my sweet one," Giac murmured, taking the Doctor's hand and squeezing it gently. "From me, from your Jack, from countless others. I do not blame you for feeling hopeless. But you mustn't give up."

A series of separations. Yes. Giac had it right, the Doctor thought. That was exactly what his life had been. Sometimes it seemed he'd never had anything more than that.

"That's more true than you know," he managed to say, the words catching in throat. "Everyone leaves me, Giac. Either because they have to, or more usually, because they want to. I've never found anyone who'd stay with me. I don't think I ever will."

"You know that I would, if it were possible, my beautiful one," Giac told him, twining his fingers through the Doctor's and looking down at their hands. "But I firmly believe that you have a life to live that I cannot be a part of. I would only hold you back from that."

The Doctor swallowed back words of protest; he didn't want to argue with Giac, not now. "I don't have anything ahead of me other than more of the same. I've lived long enough. I've done enough. I can't keep going on .... not alone. I can't deal with it any more."

"But you have to, my angel." Giac raised a hand to cup the Doctor's chin, forcing the Time Lord to look into his eyes. "You are too vital a man to give in to what is only a momentary despair. I can see too much in your eyes, in your spirit. You aren't really ready to let go."

"I'm not like you," the Doctor whispered, disentangling his hand from Giac's grasp, moving to the Tardis' console and leaning over it. "I can't go from one to the other and be happy that I've given so many people whatever I give them. I need someone with me. I can't stand being alone."

"We all get lonely, caro." Giac had come up behind him, sliding both arms around the Doctor's waist. "I am certainly no exception."

"Yes, but you can go from one person to another, taking happiness from all of them. I can't do that, Giac. There's nothing wrong with it," the Doctor hastened to say, not wanting Giac to think that he was condemning that way of life. "But it's not who I am."

"That is not a way of life that would make most people happy, I agree," Giac answered with a sigh. "And there are times when I feel that it doesn't satisfy me. But I let the wind blow me along, my angel. It is a way of .... enjoying life, making the most of the time I am given."

"It's not my way," the Doctor whispered, his voice shaky. "I wish it could be .... but I'm not made in the same way you are, Giac. I need someone who's going to pledge themselves to me. I need someone to be with me forever. And I can't have what I need."

"I may not be forever, my angel," Giac told him, resting his head against the Doctor's shoulder, "but I can offer myself to you whenever you need me. The feelings I have for you will always come first with me -- you must know that."

"I do know," the Doctor whispered, placing one hand over the other man's. "I suppose that's part of why I came here. I .... I needed to see you. To talk to you. Maybe to get some sort of comfort from you. A feeling that I could make myself go on."

"If I've given you that, then I've done some good." Giac lifted his head to whisper into the Time Lord's ear, his voice soft and throaty. "Now, I believe that we should make our way to the bedroom. There is no need to waste the time that we have together, now is there?"

The Doctor turned around in Giac's arms, letting the other man push him back slightly against the Tardis' console, their gazes meeting and holding.

What Giac was offering him wasn't a solution to all of his problems. It wasn't something that was going to last forever. They would have an interlude, they'd be together for a while, and then he'd have to leave. It was inevitable.

But he could have this time with someone he loved, and leave with the knowledge that he and Giac shared something special. Maybe that was enough to go on with.

It had to be enough. Because, as much as he'd wanted to do away with himself, to sink into that black void and never have to come out it and deal with his problems again, he couldn't do that. He had responsibilities that he couldn't turn his back on.

"No, there isn't," he whispered, closing his eyes as Giac's lips met his. He wasn't going to think about Jack now. He was going to enjoy this time with Giac, accept it as a gift and be grateful for it.

Taking Giac's hand, he pushed himself away from the console and led the way down the hall to his bedroom. He was going to lose himself, at least for a while, even though it wouldn't be the permanent oblivion that he'd originally been seeking.

***