Title: Shadow of A Doubt
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: R
Table: 1
Prompt: 20, Forest
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

This was a pleasant place to spend a few hours -- or even a few days, the Doctor reflected, shoving his hands into his pockets as he picked his way along the path in the forest glade the Tardis had materialized in. He hadn't gone out of his way to choose such a peaceful place, but he was glad they'd managed to find it nonetheless.

They. He wasn't sure whether to smile or sigh at the thought. Had it been the right thing to do, leaving Earth with his human self in tow? There were people who'd expected his other side to be with another person, one who they might think deserved him more. But that wasn't the way that the Doctor saw the situation at all.

What had she done that made her worthy of him? Nothing, nothing at all. She'd constantly gotten into trouble that he could have otherwise avoided, and she'd been so selfish that she hadn't given one thought to him, the person she supposedly loved. No, she didn't deserve to have so much as one particle of him.

And she wouldn't. That was one thing that he would make sure of, no matter what he had to do. The Doctor's fists clenched in his pockets, his temper manifesting itself before he took a deep breath and consciously tried to calm himself down.

Besides, he didn't fancy women in that way. Why couldn't the female companions he'd had since he'd been in this body accept that? He loved who he loved, and if that made him something less of a man in their eyes, then so be it. He wasn't going to change his way of life for the sake of people who refused to accept him for who he was.

No one was going to force him to give up his human self. It didn't matter to him that they were technically the same person -- this man belonged to him. He didn't care if everyone he knew thought he was insane, or turned away from him because of who he chose to love. That was none of their damned business.

And anyway, he wasn't the one who had brought up the idea of the two of them staying together. His human self had broached the subject, all on his own, with no subtle hints whatsoever coming from him. Of course, he'd been thinking of it, but it wasn't as if he'd put those words out there into the cold light of day.

Still .... the Doctor bit down savagely on his bottom lip, then winced and raised his hand to his mouth. No, he hadn't drawn blood. Thankfully. The thought that had just occurred to him was disturbing, but he couldn't discount it. Not when it was entirely possible that it was true, and the current state of affairs was completely due to him.

What if his human self had somehow picked up his thoughts? It was certainly possible; they were, after all, the same. Maybe his human self could read his thoughts -- or maybe they even shared thoughts and feelings? He couldn't be sure; there was no way for him to study just how the other Doctor's mind worked.

The Doctor sighed, looking down at the leaves strewn over the ground. It was beautiful here, peaceful beyond any place he'd been to in quite a while. If only they could stay here, never have to go back to the disturbing questions of reality ....

That was even less possible than some of the other ideas he'd had of where they could go. How was he going to explain to the universe at large that he was in love with .... himself? No matter what culture he tried to blend into with his chosen lover, they were going to be looked at askance, simply for being who they were.

Besides, he cared about so many people on Earth. He didn't want to just cut them out of his life simply because they might not approve of who he chose to love. He couldn't sever the ties that easily, not even for the man who he was determined to keep by his side as long as he could. There were some sacrifices he wasn't prepared to make.

He had so many worries about going back to Earth. He stopped himself before he bit into his lip again; he didn't want to have blood in his mouth. Nasty taste, that. He sighed again, scuffing the toe of one trainer along the ground, creating a satisfying furrow in the dirt. If only his life could be as simple and straightforward as that line he'd just drawn ....

The Doctor snorted aloud, almost wanting to laugh. His life had never been simple, and taking on a situation that was only going to cause him more problems was characteristic of him. But it wasn't just a "problem," he told himself fiercely, shaking his head. He'd done this of his own free will; and he would gladly do it over again.

His human self couldn't be counted as merely being a "problem." No, this was the man he loved, the man he wanted to be with. It didn't matter that the other Doctor was exactly like him -- was him, for all intents and purposes.

No, what mattered was the emotions that coursed back and forth between them, the feelings that were only growing stronger with every day they spent together. And it wasn't just the physical side of those feelings that mattered so much, he said to himself; what he felt for his human self went far beyond the physical.

Where was his human self? Had he stayed behind in the Tardis, after all? The Doctor frowned, turning to look behind him. He'd strayed far from the police box; he could still see it, but he was several hundred feet away. He'd followed a path through the trees, and was now in a clearing, the sun shining fully down on him.

He had to raise a hand to shade his eyes when he looked back at the Tardis, blinking in the bright sunlight. Yes, there was his human half; looking around with a frown on his face, as if he was looking for someone. The Doctor raised his hand, waving to catch the other Doctor's attention. He would have called out, but he didn't want to break the silence of the forest.

He waved again, this time catching the eye of the man standing in front of his ship. A smile spread across the human Doctor's face, and he began to pick his way along the path, making his way towards the Doctor. The Gallifreyan watched the other man, feeling a wave of emotion sweep over him, so strong that it startled him.

What was it about this man that pulled him inexorably closer? Why did he feel that he somehow owed it to his human self to keep the two of them together? Was it because he didn't want to lose himself, for purely selfish reasons? Or was it because he truly felt that they belonged together, regardless of whatever conventions society would try to place on them?

The latter explanation. Definitely the latter, he told himself silently, lowering himself to the ground and crossing his long legs in front of him. He could feel the human Doctor's presence when the other man sat down beside him, though they didn't speak for several minutes.

"What are you thinking?" His human self's voice broke into his thoughts, making him look over at the other man with a slight smile. He reached out to take the human Doctor's hand in his, fascinated as always by the seeming fragility of his bones. He knew otherwise, the Doctor thought wryly. This man was anything but frail.

He didn't want to answer, but he knew that he owed it to his human self to do so. "I was .... thinking about us, and the problems that we're going to face when he do go back to Earth," he said honestly, looking over at the other man. The human Doctor nodded slowly, his soft sigh matching the Doctor's.

"None of them wanted me to be with you, did they?" he asked, his voice barely audible. He was bending the Doctor's fingers slowly back and forth, his touch gentle; the Gallifreyan couldn't imagine how he had lived for so long without that touch. Had his former lovers felt that way when he touched them? He couldn't help but wonder. After all, he had the same touch.

Or was it the same? He wished that there was some way he could know, know if his touch felt the same as the human Doctor's did, if there was something about each one of them that somehow captivated the people around them. If there was, then he might be able to understand why his female companions had wanted him as more than a friend ....

The Doctor forced his thoughts away from the path they were taking, trying to concentrate on the matter at hand. He wished that he didn't have to answer this particular question, but there was no use trying to avoid it. It had to be answered at some point.

"No, they didn't," he said, wanting to sugar-coat the words in some way, but knowing that he couldn't. "They thought that you should be with her -- because she's always wanted me, and because you're both human. It seemed to them to be some sort of poetic justice, a way for her to have what she's always wanted, though she didn't deserve it."

"I couldn't be with her!" the human Doctor burst out, his voice at once indignant and almost frantic. "I .... I don't feel anything for her. Friendship, yes, because I have your memories. But not love -- certainly not romantic love. I could never feel that for an immature child. They should know that, if they know that I'm essentially you."

"I'm at a loss as to why they can't accept that you wouldn't fancy women, considering that you and I are the same," the Doctor admitted, feeling frustrated. "It makes no sense, really -- that everyone would expect you to pretend to be something you're not. But that isn't going to happen," he asserted, his voice gaining strength with his words.

"You won't make me go with her, will you?" his human self whispered, his voice sounding shaky. The Doctor looked at him sharply, startled to realize that the other man was on the verge of tears; he was obviously having a hard time keeping his voice from trembling, and the Doctor could feel that thin hand shaking in his own.

"Of course I won't," he said softly, squeezing the other Doctor's hand. There. He'd committed himself, even though if he was honest with himself, he'd have to admit that he still had his doubts about just how they were going to be together. But his emotional attachment to his human self swept all those doubts aside.

"I want to stay with you," the human Doctor told him, not looking at him. Instead, he was looking at their clasped hands, as though there was some sort of answer to be found there. The Doctor tightened his grip a bit, wishing that he had some way of communicating silently to his human self that he wasn't going to be abandoned -- or forced into anything he didn't want.

He loved this man. Why couldn't he come right out and say it? he berated himself silently. He really didn't need to ask himself that question, now did he? It was because this man was himself, and he still felt strange about their relationship, such as it was.

"Why should you?" the other Doctor asked, his eyes finally meeting the Doctor's. With a shock, the Time Lord realized that his human self was somehow able to know what he was thinking. Was it only because they were cut from the same cloth, two separate entities that somehow shared a consciousness? He would probably never know.

And did it really matter? No, he told himself, locking down his doubts and forcing them away. The only thing that mattered was what they felt for each other -- something that strong shouldn't be denied, surely. Even if others thought it was wrong, he knew in his hearts that it wasn't. And he didn't give a bloody damn what anyone else might think.

"Because the people who will more than likely disapprove the most are the ones who mean a great deal to me," he admitted, keeping his eyes focused on the ground. This time, he was the one who couldn't look at his human self; of course he wasn't going to abandon this man, or send him off to a life he didn't want, but it wasn't an easy choice to make.

"If you want me to leave, then I will," the human Doctor murmured, his voice choking. The Doctor looked over at him quickly, alarmed at the sound of his voice. Leaning over, he slid one arm around the human Doctor's waist, pulling him close and shaking his head as he did so.

"Of course I don't want you to leave," he said softly, placing a finger under the other Doctor's chin and making the other man look directly at him. "If I wanted that, then I'd not have brought you here with me. I want us to be together, but we both have to realise that it won't be easy, no matter where we go."

"I know that." The human Doctor's eyes were brimming with tears; he raised a hand to wipe ineffectually at his eyes, looking away from the Doctor. "I didn't expect it to be easy. But it would be worth anything I might have to face to stay with you. I don't care how odd it may look to people. They're on the outside. They don't know how we feel about each other."

"No, they don't," the Doctor agreed, shifting his body slightly and pulling the human Doctor into his arms. The other man stiffened for a moment, then relaxed and leaned against the Doctor, resting his head against the Time Lord's chest. "I wish that we didn't have to hide what we are to each other, but that may end up being what we have to do."

"Then I'm willing to do it, if you are." His human self sighed again, both of his arms sliding around the Doctor's slim waist. "I don't want to, but .... if that's the only way that we can be together without having people hound us as though we're criminals for loving each other, then I can cope with having to do it."

"So can I," the Doctor said softly, his breath catching in his throat a bit. This man, this human with a finite life span, was offering to spend the life that he had hiding who he was so they could be together. It was the kind of sacrifice that the Doctor had never expected anyone to want to make for him.

"I would do anything for you," the human Doctor whispered, lifting his head and fixing his gaze on the Doctor. "Anything. You only have to name it -- and if it's within my power, then it's yours. You should have known that from the first time we touched."

"I think I did -- but I didn't want to admit it, even to myself," the Doctor replied ruefully, raising a hand to run it through his tawny hair. "It's never easy to admit that you have your shortcomings as a person, especially when it may involve feeling as though you've betrayed someone you love. I hope I never become that sort of person."

"You never will," his human self told him, raising one hand to place it against the Doctor's cheek, their gazes never wavering from each other. "Do you know how I know that?"

"No, I don't," the Doctor said softly, placing his hand on the other Doctor's cheek in an imitation of what the other man was doing. "Are you gong to tell me?"

"Because I am you," the human Doctor answered simply, smiling a little. "You know that. And as much as people may frown on what we have together, I'll never think that it's wrong. I hope you won't, either."

"Never," the Doctor murmured, leaning forward and meeting the other man's lips with his own. With that kiss, all the doubts he had about their relationship and their future seemed to melt away into thin air. No, it wouldn't be easy. But he was always up for a challenge -- and with this man by his side, he was sure that they would make things work in the long run.

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