Title: Signs of Age
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: 100_tales
Prompt: 98, Writer's Choice -- Age
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie looked at himself critically in the mirror, searching his face for any sign that he was changing, that he wasn't still exactly like the Doctor, at least in looks. There had to be signs -- wrinkles, grey hairs, something in his expression that marked him as different.

But there was no indication that he had changed at all. Maybe he shouldn't be expecting to see changes in himself so soon, he reflected, turning away from the mirror with a soft sigh. After all, he hadn't been with the Doctor that long yet.

It took humans quite a while to get grey and wrinkled, didn't it? He wasn't going to change so quickly. It would be a long time before he began to become unattractive, someone who the Doctor might turn away from with a wince at what he was starting to look like.

No, that wasn't going to happen, he told himself firmly. The Doctor wouldn't stop caring about him just because he was aging. The Time Lord wasn't that sort of person; he cared about what was within, not just the outer packaging.

Was he himself like that? Jamie wondered. Did he care more for what he looked like than who he was in his heart and soul? He hoped not. He didn't want to be that sort of person; he knew that the Doctor had met several people who were like that, and he didn't want to be on that list.

He certainly didn't want to be like that spoilt stalker child who had nearly destroyed two universes by following the Doctor across the galaxy -- and then insisting that he should be with her! She'd had no love for him -- and really, no love for the Doctor, either.

She had wanted nothing more than to satisfy her own selfish desires. She hadn't cared about who he was -- only that he looked like the Doctor. That would have been the worst life he could imagine if he had been forced to go away with her.

But he hadn't, Jamie reminded himself. He was here, on the Tardis, with the Doctor. He had the Time Lord's hearts; the Doctor loved him. He had nothing to worry about, nothing to be afraid of. He wasn't going to lose the man he loved.

There was no guarantee of that, was there? Jamie sighed again as he moved to the bed and sat down on it, raising a hand to his head. He had a terrible headache; worrying like this always brought them on, and he didn't know how to stop those worries from circling his mind.

Maybe it would be best if he wasn't here, he thought, lying down slowly on the bed and tucking one hand under the coolness of the pillow beneath his cheek. Maybe the Doctor would be better off if he didn't have to worry about having a clone of himself around to protect.

He was of use to the Doctor now, as a companion. And of course, they were lovers in every sense of the word. But what would happen when he was older? What would happen when he no longer looked so good, and the Time Lord might not want him so much?

The Doctor would never send him away. His lover would never banish him; he wasn't that kind of man. No, the Doctor would stay with him until the end, whether or not it was what he really wanted to do. He would feel that sense of obligation, a duty towards someone he cared about.

But would he still care in the way that he did now? When Jamie was old and grey, when he was no longer a vigorous young man in the prime of life, would he become more of a burden to the Doctor than the Time Lord was willing to bear?

And if that did happen, then where did that leave them? Jamie closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill over. Crying wouldn't do him any good. There was no use in shedding frustrated tears over something that couldn't be helped.

He was human. He would age at a rapid rate compared to the Doctor. And he would die after a finite number of years, years that might seem like nothing more than the blink of an eye to his lover. He would be nothing more than a footnote in the Time Lord's life.

No, Jamie told himself, trying to push those depressing thoughts away. He would never be just a coda, a footnote in the life of the man he loved. He was the Doctor's soul mate, the man who the Time Lord loved more than he'd ever loved anyone. He was special.

Would he continue to be so special to the Doctor once he began to get old? He wouldn't be able to do so much; he would more than likely be left behind in the Tardis when the Doctor visited other planets, rather than being able to take an active part in any situation.

The Doctor might get tired of having to protect him, tired of dealing with someone who was human and therefore much more fragile. The tears rose again at the thought; Jamie had to struggle to hold them back, gulping back a sob that rose to his lips at the same time.

What would he be like when he was old? He'd seen enough elderly humans to know that he would be frail and weak, and that he would probably also grow wrinkled and ugly, lose his hair, and be confined to a wheelchair. He would be no fit companion for the Doctor then.

He didn't want to grow old, didn't want to become someone who the Doctor couldn't be in love with. Oh, the Time Lord would still love him. He had no doubt of that. But once his looks started to go and his body grew more frail and weak, their passion would be over.

That was what worried him most, wasn't it? Not losing the Doctor's love; he would always have that. But he didn't want to lose the passion that flowed between them, the physical attraction that he knew he would never feel for anyone else.

There would always be love between the two of them. There was no danger of their feelings for each other becoming less -- but there was a danger, at least in Jamie's eyes, that the Doctor would no longer be physically attracted to him once he began to age.

He didn't want to think about getting old. Yes, it was inevitable for everyone -- even for the Doctor. But as a human, he would age so much more rapidly than the man he loved. He wouldn't always be this young and beautiful -- and he didn't want that aging process to start.

He was aging even now, wasn't he? Jamie sat up slowly, wiping at the few tears that had managed to escape. There was no use in crying; that wouldn't stop the signs of age. It wouldn't do anything but make him miserable, and make the Doctor worry about him.

What did it matter? he thought listlessly, standing up and smoothing his hands down the front of his shirt to get rid of any wrinkles. He was going to age. He was going to get old. There was no stopping the aging process, no stopping time.

His mouth twisted in a wry smile at the thought. The Doctor was a Time Lord; he was a master of time. He should be able to do something to stop time, to stop aging -- but even Time Lords weren't omnipotent. They couldn't hold back the inevitable.

If only there was some way that he could stay as he was, without visibly aging for a long time. He wanted to be the way that the Doctor was; he wanted his aging process to be like that of a Time Lord's, even though he knew that was impossible.

Being old and grey might not be so bad for some people; but then, other humans didn't live in the way he did. They weren't traveling the galaxy with a Time Lord, being in love with someone who would look young and vital for decades to come, who would barely age at all.

No one else was in his unique position. No one else could really understand the fears he had, the worries that he lived with every day. Other humans had been in his place before, of course, but none of them had been what he was to the Doctor.

Getting old wasn't something that he was looking forward to, and he couldn't keep his worries about it out of his mind. Even if he couldn't feel any kind of aging effects now, Jamie knew that they would come soon enough; he could already imagine what they would be like.

All that he could do was to try to keep those effects at bay for as long as he could, and hope that they wouldn't have an effect on his relationship with the man he loved. They were sure to have some effect at a later date, but he hoped that would be much, much later in their lives.

Sighing softly, he made his way out of the bedroom and down the corridor that led to the control room. He was fairly sure that the Doctor would be there, and he needed the reassurance of his lover's touch to let him know that at this point, there was no barrier of age to come between them.

***