Title: Stranger in Town
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: gen
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Table: 50ficlets
Prompt: 42, Stranger
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor sighed as he leaned his head back against the wall of the Tardis behind the couch, almost wishing that he could stay here in his ship rather than go out there and lose himself in this teeming city, amongst the crowds of humans.

As well as he knew London, it was bittersweet to be here. He had friends here who he could visit, of course, but he didn't really feel like doing that. He didn't want to continue being alone, but old friends would only open old wounds.

Those wounds hadn't completely healed yet. Seeing them in the lives they led now, lives that didn't include him, would only point out the fact that he was more alone than he'd ever been. And he didn't see that changing any time in the near future.

He shouldn't think like that, he admonished himself sternly. He might step outside the Tardis and find the person meant to be his next companion within just a few minutes.

But he didn't see that happening, either. The Doctor gave a mental snort at the thought; he'd been searching for a companion so long now that he'd literally given up on the idea of actually finding one. If it happened, it would be quite by accident.

Besides, he didn't really trust his own powers of choice any more. The companions he actually went to the trouble of choosing always seemed to turn out to be the worst ones for him, the ones who did a lot for him but demanded too much in return.

Yes, he owed his companions a great deal, and he'd been fond of each and every one of them. But too many of them wanted what he couldn't give.

They wanted his hearts. They wanted him to love them, to fall in love with them and be with them physically. And they refused to understand that he couldn't do that. He couldn't give that much of himself away, and more, he didn't want to.

There would always be a part of himself that he held aloof from everyone, even those closest to him. Jack had been a companion for quite a while -- as well as being his lover -- and even the immortal hadn't known the deepest depths of his soul.

In some ways, he was a stranger to everyone, even those who thought they knew him best. And he was comfortable with that. As much as he wanted -- and needed -- companionship, he didn't need to give away the inner, personal parts of who he was.

He was always the stranger in town -- never the person who had friends and family behind him to make him feel anything less of a stranger.

The Doctor sighed again, wishing there was something to distract him from these thoughts. He didn't want to go out into the city thinking like this; if he did, then every person he saw would make him feel even more alone.

It was hard sometimes not to feel at least a slight twinge of jealousy when he saw two people together, wrapped up in each other, their relationship solid and secure. There were two people who didn't have to worry about ever being alone again.

Of course, he didn't know that. Maybe those outward smiles and caresses hid inner secrets that would eventually come out into the open and rip those people apart. Maybe they would end up being strangers to each other, just as he'd always been even to those closest to him.

He'd always be a stranger to them. It would take an extraordinary person to make him reveal those hidden, intimate parts of his soul -- and he didn't really think anyone could be that special.

If he ever found a person who could bring him out of himself in that way, then he would welcome them into his life, the Doctor told himself with yet another sigh, this one heavier than the last. At least, they would be welcome if he could trust in them enough to let them in.

That was really his problem, wasn't it? That inability to trust completely.

But that was a whole other issue that he would have to tackle within himself at some point. And this wasn't the time to do it. This was the time for him to go out there into the city, to take this time on Earth for himself, as a sort of sabbatical.

The Doctor's lips twisted in a small, wry smile. This wasn't exactly the place for him to try to relax. Trouble always seemed to follow him on Earth, more so than anywhere else.

If trouble decided to follow him here this time, then he would just have to deal with it in whatever way he could. The Doctor got to his feet, heading for the door of the Tardis with a purposeful step. It was time for him to go out there and become less of a stranger.

***