Title: This Is My Life
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ten.5
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: doctorwho_100
Prompt: 30, Life
Author's Note: The human version of the Doctor is being referred to as John Smith in this fic, since it's the Doctor's human alias and his clone needed a name.
Author's Note: Spoilers for Journey's End, somewhat. This is an completely alternate take on the ending of Season Four.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor, or his human clone. Please do not sue.

***

Jamie stretched out on the couch in the Tardis' library, heaving a sigh and closing his eyes. He knew that the Doctor was in the control room, and he had a little time to be alone to contemplate the twists and turns that his life had taken since his lover had whisked him away.

His life had become so different from what he'd thought it would be when he had first come into this world, he mused, settling a pillow behind his head and getting comfortable. He had never thought that he'd become what he now was, though it had always been his fondest dream.

He'd never expected his life to be what it was now; there had been some strange twists and turns for him to get here, and he'd even died for this life. It was a miracle that he'd been brought back -- and that with his life being returned to him, it had seemed even more precious.

When he'd been trapped in a human body, he had thought every day that his life would be far too short. Now that he was a Time Lord, he had all the time in the world ahead of him -- and he was determined to do the most that he could with that time.

He was going to live his life fearlessly, just as the Doctor always had. He wasn't going to turn away from any problems that might present themselves; he didn't have to fear that his body was a weak human vessel that could be killed easily. He wasn't human any more.

He didn't have to hold on to those same fears that had paralyzed him when he'd been human. He could let them all go; they wouldn't be able to hold him back now. He'd let them do so for a while, but now it was time for those fears to become a part of the past.

His life was swinging on an upward arc now -- that didn't that mean that sooner or later, there would have to be a downward turn to match that? He knew that every action had an equal and opposite reaction -- and he couldn't help thinking that the opposite reaction would hit him hard.

There were so many things that could happen now, some of which he didn't even want to think about. He could be so badly injured that he would be forced to regenerate; the Doctor might regenerate, as well, even though they didn't think that was going to happen.

There was so many variables, so many things that could happen, so many different paths that their lives could take. All of the choices were enough to boggle anyone's mind, Jamie thought with a sigh. Just thinking about them could make him feel as though he was hopelessly tangled.

The Doctor told him time and time again that he should try not to worry so much, that he should let himself relax and enjoy his life. He'd given Jamie that advice when he was in a human body, too -- though it seemed to apply more to a short human life span than to a Time Lord.

But it was hard to enjoy his life, even since he'd become a Time Lord, when the dark specter of the Master was always hovering in the back of his mind. He knew that sooner or later, they would be menaced by him again -- and that he wouldn't like the turn that events had taken.

It had been much easier for the Master to hold his life over the Doctor's head when he'd been human; now, when they met again, the playing field would be much more even. And Jamie had no doubt that the Master would have some trick up his sleeve to overbalance that field again.

The two of them wouldn't be so vulnerable to their archenemy now, and that certainly wasn't going to make the Master happy. So they would have to be even more careful around him, even more prepared than they would ordinarily have to be, to sidestep whatever the Master might have planned.

They could do it, Jamie told himself, feeling confident in their ability to vanquish any foe who might stand in their path. Together, he and the Doctor were a formidable team. Alone, they were each vulnerable -- but when they stood united, nothing could defeat them.

It was still hard for him to believe that he had this life, here with the Doctor, being the lover and helpmeet of the man he loved more than life itself. He had never expected this; he had been so sure that he would end up being condemned to a fate worse than death.

He hadn't wanted that life, the one that everyone else seemed to think was best for him. He didn't want to spend his short human life span forced to be with someone who only wanted him because he looked like the Doctor and had the Time Lord's memories, someone who didn't truly love him.

This was his life now; the life that he wanted, the life that he would never turn away from. He was here with the Doctor, by the side of the man he loved, and nothing else was really important. As long as he could be here, he would be happy for the rest of his life.

And that life would last for a very long time, Jamie told himself firmly. He had no intention of putting himself -- or the Doctor, for that matter -- in harm's way, not if he could help it. That was part of his function as the Time Lord's companion, wasn't it? To keep him safe, away from harm.

Of course, he knew that he couldn't do that all the time, Jamie told himself with a sigh. The Doctor seemed to be a magnet for trouble, no matter where they went -- and he felt as though that might be one of the qualities he himself had "inherited" from his lover.

But that wasn't such a bad thing, not as long as they were facing danger and adversity together. After all, if the only thing they ever did was travel through time and space and simply observe, never getting into the thick of things, he was sure that neither of them would be completely happy.

They both needed the stimulation of being able to interact with people; neither of them could be like the Time Lords of the past had been and merely observe the rest of the world as it went along its merry way. They had to be in the middle of things, to try and make a difference.

He wasn't exactly like the Doctor; during the time that he'd been in existence, he had developed his own personality, his own sense of who and what he was. Nothing was going to change that; he might look just like the Doctor, but they weren't carbon copies.

Even though he had the Doctor's memories, that didn't make him an exact replica of the man who had brought him into being. He had plenty of his own memories to fill his mind now; he didn't need to rely on memories from his lover's past to mold him into the person he was.

He'd never really needed that, had he? Jamie thought with a smile. From the moment of his "birth," he had always gone his own way -- even though he had tried to emulate the Doctor, and he had used those memories that he'd been given from the Doctor's mind when he'd had to do so.

He hadn't expected to have a life like this, not when he'd first come into existence. At that time, he hadn't thought that any of them would have a future -- it had seemed that the Doctor's stalker had brought about the end of the world, that her selfishness would doom them all.

But it hadn't, fortunately, and she had been sent back to the alternate universe she now lived out her meager human life span in. He hoped that he would never have to deal with her again; he still felt as though he'd only narrowly avoided having to spend his own life with her.

Fortunately for him, things hadn't worked out like that, and his life had become something he would never have expected it to be. He was with the man he loved; he had no worries about ever being parted from the Doctor. They would be together until the end of time itself.

When he'd been human, he had worried that his short life span, his rapid aging, might be a reason for the Doctor to turn his back on him at some point. Even though he had known in his heart that it wouldn't happen, the worry had still eaten away at him on a constant basis.

Now he knew that he never should have worried about that. The Doctor would never turn away from him; their hearts and souls were entwined, never to be disentangled. They were a part of each other in a way that no one else could ever be. They shared too much for them to ever be pulled apart.

This was his life, and it was a life that he loved and intended to keep. He might have to risk that life at times, but that was part of what being the Doctor's lover and companion entailed. And if it came down to risking his life for the man he loved, then he would gladly do so.

He loved this life, and he didn't want to trade it for anything else. But if the Doctor suddenly decided that he wanted another life for the two of them, then Jamie wouldn't hesitate to follow him. As long as he was with the man he loved, he would be happy with whatever life they led together.

Jamie sat up, taking a deep breath, and got to his feet with a smile as he ran a hand through his hair. He had the life that he wanted, and there was no reason to think that it was going to change any time soon. He was happy -- and so was the Doctor. And in the end, nothing else really mattered.

***