Title: Thundering Hearts
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Arthur Eddington
Fandom: Doctor Who/Einstein and Eddington
Rating: PG-13
Table: 5
Prompt: 93, Second Chance
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Arthur Eddington. Please do not sue.

***

The Doctor frowned as he stared down at the book in front of him, the journal that he'd kept when he was human. It was strange that his real self had bled through into John Smith's dreams; he hadn't expected that to happen.

He'd thought that he would have no connection to who he really was, which wasn't necessarily a good thing, but it had been unavoidable. Knowing that he'd had that kind of connection, even if only in dreams, was a bit disconcerting.

What if he had to do the same thing again? The next time -- if there was one -- he might not be so lucky. His dreams might become too strong and somehow break through the veil of his disguise, letting whoever he was hiding from know who and where he was.

He sighed as he turned over a page in the journal, his eyes idly skimming over what he'd written. Nothing all that interesting, really .... Well, not to him, anyway. To a human in the time that John had been living in, it would have been fascinating.

Well, either that, or it would have been considered mad and he would have been put away for the rest of his life. Not a pleasant prospect, that. Good thing he hadn't shown that journal around to a lot of people.

He turned another page, wondering what he'd find next. What he saw made his eyes widen, a flash of recognition moving through his mind.

That face .... The man looked familiar. He couldn't quite place who it was, but there was a vague, dim memory buried in the back of his mind. Was it something from the time when he'd become John, or something more that he should be able to access?

He'd seen that face before. Had he written a name to go with it? He peered more closely at the journal, searching for anything that might give him a clue as to the identity of that face -- and tell him why his hearts suddenly seemed to be beating double-time.

Arthur. The Doctor frowned again, searching his memory for that name. No one that he could remember, at least not in this incarnation. This man was no one he'd met as his real self, no one who should strike a chord with him.

But yet .... there was something more. He couldn't tear his eyes away from the face depicted on the page; his hearts felt as though they were being squeezed in his chest. There was something about that face that drew him in, some emotional connection that he couldn't place.

Had he written anything about this man in the journal? He'd only been skimming bits and pieces of what he'd written as a human, but now, he began to read his words more carefully, searching for a clue as to who the man he'd drawn could be.

"Coming back to London was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Leaving Arthur behind felt as though I was abandoning my heart.

If only I could have held him one more time, had one more night with him. I can still taste his lips on mine, feel that last kiss. Until he comes to London and we can be together, that memory will have to sustain me.

I say his name over and over again in my mind, like a mantra that I can repeat to protect me from any kind of danger. The name that means more to me than any other in the world. Arthur Stanley Eddington. The man I love."

Eddington? Arthur Eddington? The astrophysicist? Bloody hell, he'd fallen in love with a famous man when he was human? How had this happened? How had he even managed to meet Eddington? He hadn't been anywhere near Cambridge.

At least, he thought he hadn't. He could remember parts of what he'd done when he was human, though not everything. And he didn't remember meeting this man -- though he really should have, he told himself, looking at the picture again. He was very attractive.

He must have gone to Cambridge and met Arthur. And judging from what he'd written, the man had been more to him than a mere friend or acquaintance -- he'd thought that this man was the love of his life, and had obviously planned to be with him.

If only he could feel that again .... or did he? His hearts were still racing, pounding, almost feeling as though they both wanted to jump into his throat.

Was he still somehow in love with Arthur Eddington? Was there are part of him that remembered what the two of them had meant to each other when he was .... well, not exactly himsefl? And could those feelings possibly be recaptured?

Could there be a second chance for the two of them?

The Doctor leaned forward, resting his elbows on the desk and staring at the picture of Arthur that he'd drawn in the journal. If he'd felt this way about the other man, and they'd planned to be with each other again at some point, then the emotions had obviously been returned.

So .... it was logical to assume that Arthur had been in love with him, too. Though .... Arthur hadn't exactly loved him. He'd loved John Smith, not the Doctor. A human, not an alien. They might have the same body, but they were two different people.

No, that couldn't be true. The Doctor shook his head, his frown deepening. There was either still something of John in him, or they hadn't been as separate as he'd thought they were. He could still feel a pull towards Arthur, even just looking at a sketch of him.

If he could feel like that, then there were still feelings inside him for the other man, feelings that hadn't been resolved. The only way that he could either bring them back completely -- or set them to rest for good -- would be to see Arthur again.

He hadn't really planned on going back to that time period for quite a while, but now he felt as though he had to go. He owed it to himself.

And to Arthur, he thought, his fingertips lightly touching the penciled sketch. He couldn't say why, but there was something in him that reached out to the other man. He wanted to see Arthur again, to see if he could feel the same emotions that he'd felt when he was human.

If he couldn't .... he closed his eyes, a thought occurring to him. Arthur would think he was the same man he'd known before, the man he'd apparently fallen in love with. It would be too cruel to make Arthur lose someone he loved twice.

That would be horribly cruel of him, putting Arthur through that. Making the man think that his long-lost lover had come back to him, when in fact he was a different man altogether -- albeit that he and John shared the same body.

The Doctor sighed, rubbing a hand across his eyes. That wasn't going to keep him from doing this in the long run, and he knew it. He wanted to go back, to see Arthur, to know him, to find out if what he'd felt for him as John could be transferred over to who he was now.

Was it possible? He really had no idea. And he wouldn't know until they met. It would be taking a chance, but he'd done that often enough before, hadn't he?

Striding to the console of the Tardis, he set the controls for approximately six months after he'd last been in Arthur's time period, hoping that he'd be able to make this work. He didn't always end up where he'd meant to be, but this time it was terribly important that he get it right.

His hearts almost felt as though they were thundering his chest. Was that something of John's feelings coming through to him? If it was, then this could be a second chance -- not only for Arthur, but for himself as well. A chance that he had to take.

***