Title: Watch Your Step
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Peter Carlisle
Fandom: Doctor Who/Blackpool
Rating: PG-13
Table: Buffet 1, sound_of_drums
Prompt: 50, Promiscuous
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Peter Carlisle. Please do not sue.

***

"So what was your love life like on Gallifrey?" Peter asked as he lay back against the pillows with the Doctor in his arms. "You've told me so much about what it was like to grow up there, and what the planet was like, but you never told me about your past amours."

The Doctor shifted restlessly in Peter's embrace, his voice hesitant when he spoke. "Why would you want to know about that?" he asked, sounding cautious. "We've both agreed that our pasts aren't in any way relevant to our relationship now."

"It isn't," Peter told him, hoping that his question hadn't upset the Time Lord in some way. "But I know so much about what your life was like then -- except for who you cared about. That isn't relevant to the here and now, but it's part of what made you who you are."

The Doctor nodded slowly, sighing as he did so. "All right. What exactly do you want to know? I wasn't like most young people when it comes to sex. I .... wasn't trying to be with anyone I found attractive. I was with one person."

"You two should be commended for being that faithful," Peter said softly, stroking a hand through the Doctor's hair. "Most young people are only with someone for a short time, and then it's off to the next one. I respect couples who have a commitment."

"I was the one who wanted to make a commitment," the Doctor said quietly, a slight tinge of bitterness in his tone. "He didn't. I was faithful to him -- but he fucked anyone and everyone who would let him jump into their bed. And there were many."

Peter closed his eyes, feeling a wave of remorse wash over him. He shouldn't have asked the question, but now that the Doctor was opening up about his past, he wanted to push a little further, even though he knew that he would have to watch his step.

"So he was promiscuous, and you weren't?" he asked, keeping his voice soft and gentle. "I've been in that situation before, too. I know what it's like to care for someone and know that they're only using you. Too many people have been there, love."

"Oh yes, he was promiscuous," the Doctor replied, the bitterness obvious in his tone now. "He fucked any person he found attractive -- but he expected me to be completely faithful. And I was. He had me believing that I had no other choice."

"He literally forced you to be faithful?" Peter couldn't keep the indignation out of his voice. "If he could screw around, then you should have had the same option. He had no right to subjugate you like that, Doctor. He must have been a truly evil person."

"He is," the Doctor said, his voice quiet but firm. "I've come to realize that over time. He's not someone that I should ever have been involved with -- but given that I was an outcast on my own planet, there weren't many offers of friendship."

Peter fell silent, thinking about the Time Lord's words. He was fairly sure who the other man had been referring to, but it wasn't a name he liked to say -- or even to think about. He knew only too well how the bastard had tormented the Doctor over the centuries.

"Why didn't you leave him, sweetheart?" he asked, hoping that the Doctor wouldn't take his question the wrong way. "Surely there had to be other people who wanted you, better people. You shouldn't have had to knuckle under to that kind of intimidation."

The Doctor shook his head, head, sighing and closing his eyes. "I was a fool, Peter," he whispered, taking a deep breath before he continued. "He actually made me believe that I couldn't do any better. It sounds ridiculous, but I believed everything he said. I let myself believe it."

"Manipulators know how to do that," Peter said, tightening his arm around the Doctor's waist and pulling the Time Lord closer against him. He could hear the shame in the Doctor's voice, and he wanted to make his lover understand that he didn't need to feel that way.

"I've had a few of those in my life myself," he continued, his own voice barely audible. "I know how they work, Doctor. They isolate you, make you feel as though you can't depend on anyone except them. They convince you that no one else would have you, and they're the best you can do."

"That's exactly what he did," the Doctor murmured, tilting his head to look up at Peter. "He had me so convinced that because I was such an outcast among my own people, no one else would ever want me, that he was the only person I could turn to."

"That's never true, love," Peter said, pushing his own regrets from the past away from him. This was a problem that the Doctor needed to talk about; he didn't need to hear about Peter's troubled romantic past. "That's just their way of controlling you."

"I know that now," the Doctor sighed, settling more comfortably into Peter's embrace. "But I didn't then. I truly thought that he was the best I could do, that I had to go along with his promiscuity because I wasn't worthy of being loved or having someone be faithful to me."

"And he told you that he 'loved' you, didn't he?" Peter asked, feeling anger rise up and almost choke him. He'd known that the Master was evil -- but what he'd done to the Doctor when he was little more than a child was more evil than anything else he could possibly have contemplated.

"Of course he did," the Doctor said, the shame more evident in his voice now. "And there was a part of me that knew he was lying, that he didn't care about me and never had. But it was what I wanted to hear, so I made myself believe it."

"That's happened to me, love -- and to countless other people all over the world," Peter said, hoping that his words would make the Doctor realize that he shouldn't feel ashamed of falling prey to a manipulator. "You aren't the only one, sweetheart, believe me."

"Sometimes it feels like I am," the Doctor whispered, his words barely audible even in the quiet of their bedroom. "There are times when it feels like I'm the only person in the universe who could have been stupid enough to believe all of those lies."

After a few moments, he went on, his voice gaining strength. "I knew that he had never cared about me -- that he'd only wanted me, just like he wanted all the others. But I was the one who was the easiest to dominate. I was the one who actually cared about him. The more fool I."

"It's not foolish to care about people," Peter said softly, gently cupping the Doctor's chin and lifting the other man's face to his. "It's only foolish if you finally see what they are, how they dominate your life for their own purposes, and you still stay with them."

"I didn't, obviously," the Doctor said, heaving another sigh. "I broke away from him -- but it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Even harder than destroying Gallifrey in the Time Wars. I was so used to being dominated that breaking away was a struggle."

"A lot of people would have started being promiscuous themselves, to 'get even' with him," Peter said, stroking soft fingertips across the other man's cheek. "But you're above that. You're so much better than he is, or could ever be. Don't ever forget that, Doctor."

"I try to tell myself that all the time," the Doctor murmured, a pink blush coloring his cheeks. "I believe it sometimes -- and then at other times, I wish that things could have turned out differently. If he hadn't run mad .... the world might be a much better place."

"But you can't change the past, love," Peter told him, his dark gaze locking with the Time Lord's. "He did run mad, and the world is the way it is. What's done is done -- even if you are someone who might be able to change all of that."

The Doctor shook his head, smiling ruefully. "I've long since learned the folly of thinking that it's a good idea to change history," he said, resting his head against Peter's shoulder. "But that's a whole other kettle of fish. Another discussion for another day."

Peter nodded, returning the smile. "I agree completely," he said, feeling that he had somehow managed to negotiate a minefield without stepping on any live bombs. "We both need to get some sleep, and forget that this conversation ever happened."

To his surprise, the Doctor shook his head, a slight frown furrowing his brow. "I don't want to forget it," he said slowly, his voice firm and resolute. "It's made me feel better to actually talk about that part of my life, to admit the mistakes that I made then."

"Then I'm glad we had this conversation -- even though I know it was painful to look back at that part of your life," Peter murmured, brushing a gentle kiss across the Doctor's forehead. "And I hope that we can both go to sleep with light hearts tonight."

"I don't think that will be a problem at all," the Doctor said, raising a hand to his mouth to cover a yawn. Peter reached for the light on the bedside table and turned it off, settling down to sleep with the Time Lord in his arms, feeling that they could both pass this night at peace with the world.

***