Title: Until We Meet Again
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Giacomo Casanova
Fandom: Doctor Who/Casanova (Masterpiece Theater)
Rating: PG-13
Table: Amnesty in January, 5_prompts
Prompt: 2, from Table 31 -- Go our separate ways
Author's Note: The character of Giacomo Casanova is based on the BBC version of Casanova starring David Tennant.
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the Tenth Doctor or Giacomo Casanova. Please do not sue.***
The Doctor blinked as he and Giac walked along the street that led to the alley where he'd left the Tardis, not wanting his lover to realize that he was so close to tears. It hurt terribly to have to leave the man he loved, even though he knew that he couldn't stay.
If only Giac wasn't someone who had such a prominent place in history! If that wasn't his destiny, then the two of them could be in the Tardis together, exploring the galaxy, seeing new sights -- and they would never have to be parted.
Nothing had ever cut into his hearts so much as having to leave Giac behind. It got harder and harder each time, but the Doctor knew that he could never stop coming here. Never seeing the man he loved again would be far too much for him to bear.
Giac himself seemed melancholy this morning, after the beautiful night they had shared. He obviously didn't want them to part either, but they both knew that they had no choice in the matter. The Doctor couldn't be a part of Giac's world, any more than Giac could be part of his.
All they had was the moments that they managed to steal for themselves, the times when they could be wrapped in each other's arms in the privacy of Giac's rooms. And those moments wouldn't last forever; there would come a time when they had to let each other go.
Giac had a life to lead that would be full of enough adventure here on Earth, without thinking of going off with an alien from the future, the Doctor mused. And even though he would go through some hard times, he would survive them and be strong in the end.
How much longer would it be before he could no longer come here, before he had to leave Giac to live out the rest of his life as he had been intended to do? And how was he going to survive himself without the comfort of having this man's love in his life?
He didn't want to think about the time when he would have to leave Giac. It wouldn't be too far ahead of them now; and he couldn't go back further in time and stay at the same point of his lover's life forever. If he did, he wouldn't allow the man he loved to move forward.
That wouldn't be fair to Giac; he had to be allowed to live his own life, the life he had been destined for, the life that didn't include the Doctor. It would hurt, though he knew that it would be the right thing to do. But at what cost to himself?
The thought of losing Giac forever made him want to break down and cry, right here in this busy city street, not only in front of Giac but in front of the world they were in. He couldn't let himself do that; he had to save his tears for when he was alone on his ship.
This was just as hard for Giac as it was for him, the Doctor told himself. And crying wasn't going to make his lover feel any better about their parting, either. He was sure that Giac would shed his own private tears after he had gone, just as many as he himself would.
No, he had to make their parting a time for hope; even though neither of them knew when they would see each other again, they had to part with hearts full of love, and remember the joy that they had shared during their time together.
"I wish that you were not leaving, caro mio," Giac said, his voice soft. He stopped walking, leaning against the balustrade that ran along the side of the street and looking down into the canal below. "It will be hard to get used to the fact that you're not here with me."
"It's hard for me, too," the Doctor said, trying to speak past the lump in his throat. "I don't want to go, Giac. You know that. But you have a life that's going to go down in the history books, a life that I can't be a part of, as much as I want to be."
"Yes, I know," Giac murmured, shaking his head. "So you have to be my mystery lover, a man cloaked in secrets who I can only spend a short time with. We have to take our stolen moments of love where we can find them -- and be grateful for having them at all."
The Doctor nodded, wishing that Giac's words weren't so true. If only he could have the time he wanted with this man, to sweep him away in the Tardis so that they could be together in time and space! But that would never have been possible for them.
If only the man he loved wasn't an important figure in history, but someone who was free to live their own life free from the speculation and prying eyes of historians and the rest of the world. But he wasn't -- and the Doctor had to accept that fact.
They couldn't be together more than they were; they would always have to go their separate ways at some point. But they would always have the love that they bore for each other in their hearts, even long after the relationship was over and the Doctor was no longer coming here.
He would miss this place so much, he realized -- not just Giac, but the atmosphere around him, the barely suppressed excitement that seemed to linger in the air of Venice. It was somehow all connected with Giac, and with his deep feelings for this man.
But it was the warmth and comfort of his lover that he would miss the most when they had to go on those separate ways for the final time. He would still have Giac's love in his hearts, but he would miss their togetherness, the joining of their bodies as well as their souls.
He leaned over the parapet, his gaze following Giac's down towards the canal. There were a few gondolas drifting by, some of them carrying couples who were obviously in love, embracing and kissing with abandon even in the clear light of day.
If only the two of them could do that, the Doctor thought, tears rising behind his eyes again. But no, he and Giac were doomed to always keep their feelings for each other secretive; they were allowed to show them to each other, but never to the rest of the world.
He shouldn't be complaining, he told himself firmly. At least he'd had the pleasure of knowing Giac; he would always have this man's love in his hearts, even long after their physical relationship had ceased to be. Theirs was the kind of love that never grew old, never faded, never died.
They'd had much more together than he'd had any right to expect. He had no business wishing for more; everything that they had been given was a gift, and even if they did eventually have to go their separate ways, they would always treasure the memories of their time together.
"I wish you didn't have to leave, my love," Giac said softly, as though he could divine the Doctor's thoughts. "But we have always known that we couldn't stay together indefinitely. And you will be back. It's never goodbye with us. Only arrivederci."
"Until we meet again," the Doctor whispered, forcing back the tears that had risen unbidden to his eyes. He knew that his gaze was far too bright with those unshed tears when he looked at Giac -- but then, his lover's eyes were somewhat misty, as well.
"We will meet again, my love," Giac whispered, reaching out a hand to caress the Doctor's cheek. "There may be a day far in the future when we may have to say goodbye permanently and hold our memories close, but that day hasn't arrived yet."
The Doctor nodded, pushing back his tears and managing a smile. No, that day wasn't here yet -- and he needed to stop thinking about it. Giac was right. Thinking of that day would only hasten it all the more quickly, and that was exactly what he didn't want.
"Until that day comes, I'll keep coming back to you," he told Giac, his dark gaze not leaving his lover's face. "I'll always come back, Giac. Even though we have to go our separate ways for a while, you're always in my hearts. And you'll always be a part of me."
This time it was Giac's turn to nod, his eyes bright with unshed tears just as the Doctor's were. But the smile on his face belied those tears; and the Doctor knew without being told that even if they were going their separate ways at the moment, their hearts would be full of each other until they were reunited.***
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