Title: Which Way To Turn
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: past Jack/Doctor
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG-13
Table: G5, 5_prompts
Prompt: 4, Which way to turn
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Two choices.

Two sides -- darkness, or light.

Two men. Both of whom very differing parts of him craved.

The Doctor swallowed hard, closing his eyes and trying to clear his mind. He had a choice here, but the decision was up to him. He couldn't look either way; he had to make his choice with a clear head, and nothing clouding his perceptions.

He hated to admit that there was a part of him that could even consider gravitating towards the darkness that was the Master; he didn't want to admit that there was something insidiously bewitching about the idea of falling into that black oblivion. But there was.

And then there was Jack -- the man who shone a light through that darkness and turned him away from it. Jack was the man he should choose; he knew that with all of his hearts and soul. Jack was the light, the person closest to his hearts.

But he couldn't go to Jack. Not when he was tainted by the Master's darkness.

It would be all too easy for Jack to succumb to that darkness. He knew that it lay hidden in the deep, dark recesses of the immortal's soul -- that same darkness that had consumed the Master, the darkness that he himself had such a hard time resisting.

Jack struggled against that darkness enough without having the Doctor add to the burden. If he went to Jack, the balance of the scales would be tipped -- and the immortal could very easily start the downward slide down that slippery slope into that dark chasm.

He wasn't going to let that happen. He wasn't going to be responsible for snuffing out the light in Jack's soul. He already knew how hard it was to resist that beckoning darkness; he struggled against it every day. He wasn't going to expose Jack to that black void.

No, he couldn't depend on Jack to help him out of this. The choice was his, and his alone.

He had to be strong enough to withstand the Master -- and the insidious darkness that was becoming more and more inviting with each passing moment -- on his own. If he couldn't do that, then he didn't have the right to call himself a Time Lord.

But that dark side was so inviting .... Settling into it would mean that he could let go of everything that plagued him, all the worries, all the guilt. He could give himself over to that oblivion and numb his mind, not caring what went on in the world any more.

No. He couldn't let himself do that. If he did, then Jack and Torchwood would be the last bastion that stood between the Master and whatever else that madman might be planning -- and they didn't have the experience that he did when it came to dealing with the Master.

They could fight him, of course. But they would eventually lose.

Maybe he himself would lose in the long run. But that wouldn't stop him from fighting until he took his last breath and had no more regenerations left. He wasn't going to let the Master be the ultimate victor in a battle that had stretched over untold centuries and galaxies.

If he gave in, then the Master would not only be the victor in their personal battle -- but he was almost positive that the will to fight would go out of Jack. He would try to stand against the Master, of course, but his reasons for doing so would be hollow at the core.

He wasn't going to let Jack and the Torchwood team carry on alone. He had to resist that darkness, had to look away from it. But it was hard .... so hard. He had never had the strength to back away from it completely, no matter how much he had wanted to.

Which way should he turn? He knew the answer, but he couldn't bring himself to take that first step.

He had always been on the side of light. He'd had to be, to offset the darkness that had surrounded the Master, the darkness that grew with each of their encounters. But as time went on, it was becoming more of a struggle to stay in that light.

The Doctor closed his eyes, trying to make himself look away from the beckoning darkness. He wasn't goign to fall into it, not now. He knew which way he should turn; it was just such a struggle at times to steer himself in the right direction.

Sometimes that struggle had threatened to tear him apart. But he'd always managed to stand firm.

He couldn't let the Master pull him into that darkness. There were too many people who counted on him; he couldn't let all of them down. And most of all, he couldn't let himself down. He couldn't let the Master win, not on that level.

He wasn't going to give in. Not now, and not ever. The Master might think that he could win, that he could coax the Doctor to his way of thinking if he was patient. But he was wrong about that; he was never going to let himself fall into that trap.

He belonged with Jack. Not with the Master. On the side of light, not of darkness.

There would always be a part of him that was drawn to the darkness; after all, every being had both a light and a dark side. He wouldn't be who he was without that darkness within him -- but he also wouldn't be himself if he listened to that darkness and let it take him over.

He knew which way to turn. And no matter what temptation was placed in front of him, he would always follow the path that was meant for him, no matter how hard it was to turn his back on that darkness that beckoned to him and promised an end to his guilt.

If he did that, then he would have a new sense of guilt -- he would know for the rest of his life that he had taken the wrong turn, made the wrong choice. The Master would never let him forget that. It would be held over his head for the rest of his days.

There was no choice, not really. There was only one way for him to turn.

Turning his back on the darkness, he held out his arms to the light.

***