Title: The Right Wish
By: Orithain
Pairing: Chakotay/Paris
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: If they belonged to me, I'd be able to watch this instead of writing about it. I didn't create them, but I sure do have fun playing with them, and the only person making profit is the real owner, who gets the royalties when I go out and buy copies for research... and to drool over. ;)
Note: Set immediately after "Blood Fever". Beta by Nick
Summary: Tom has to decide what he really wants.***
"Be careful what you wish for, lieutenant."
Tom Paris stared at the closed doors of the turbolift for long moments after Lt. Torres left, long enough that the lift continued on and someone else came in before he blinked and stepped back.
"Something wrong, Paris?" Commander Chakotay asked, eyeing the blond curiously.
"I'm not sure." Tom turned to face the senior officer, his expression a curious mixture of excitement and wariness, though his eyes were focused inward. "Have you ever had something you'd wanted badly for a long time finally come within your grasp only to realize that you weren't sure you really wanted it? Sometimes it's too easy to focus on trying to attain the unattainable, to prove you're worthy of it, and forget about whether you want it for its own sake."
Chakotay blinked at the outpouring of words, especially from a man who had never been a friend even though his initial hatred and distrust had mellowed to a reluctant admiration of Paris' dogged determination to prove himself.
Suddenly realizing who he was pouring his heart out to, Tom flushed, cursing his fair complexion yet again, and stared at the wall over Chakotay's shoulder to avoid meeting his eyes.
Chakotay wished he could let it go at that, but he was the closest thing they had to a ship's counselor, which made it his duty to ensure the mental well-being of the crew, including one Thomas Eugene Paris. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, hoping his reluctance wasn't obvious.
The usual cocky mask instantly covered the helmsman's emotions. "Bet that had to hurt, huh, Counselor?" Paris taunted, distancing himself again.
Expression darkening, Chakotay had to remind himself that this was a crewmate and a subordinate officer, not an enemy. As he did, he realized how often he found himself in this position, and it suddenly came to him that Paris provoked him intentionally. "Why?" he blurted out.
Paris blinked in surprise, but the turbolift doors opening yet again spared him the necessity of a response, and he practically sprang out, startling a pair of crewmen who'd been waiting. "Sorry," he said over his shoulder, trying to make his escape.
Chakotay followed him off the lift and caught hold of Paris' arm, stopping him from getting away, completely indifferent to the interested gazes of the crewmen watching him detain Paris until the doors shut between the two groups.
"Why?" Chakotay repeated, gazing at Paris searchingly.
"Why what? Why do I think it hurt you to offer to lend an ear? Because you hate me, of course."
"I don't hate you," Chakotay replied automatically, only to be interrupted by a derisive snort.
"Yeah, right. Look, it's been a weird couple of days. I'm off duty, and I'm tired. Good night, Commander."
Ignoring the clear dismissal, Chakotay kept a firm grip on Paris' arm and started down the corridor, leading Tom toward the officers' quarters. Thinking that he'd been reprieved, Paris started to sigh with relief when they approached his room, but Chakotay didn't let go, instead continuing on to his own and practically pushing Paris inside.
"I don't hate you, not any more," Chakotay repeated after invoking a privacy lock on his door and putting his back against it to prevent Paris from escaping.
"Coulda fooled me."
"Apparently." The dark eyes seemed to see straight through the blond, prompting Tom to turn away and begin to prowl restlessly around the room. He wandered about, picking up a statue here, a bowl there, a woven rug across the room, and Chakotay mused that it was fortunate that he had so many personal possessions scattered around his quarters.
"I understand a little better now why you did what you did, Paris, or at least why you felt you had to do it," Chakotay explained, still watching the restlessly moving man. "And you've proven again and again that you wouldn't make the same choice now. You're a valuable member of this crew... and one of the best pilots in Starfleet," he added with a slight laugh.
Startled into a chuckle, Tom turned to face the commander. "I've been telling you that for years."
They shared a smile that faded slowly, and the atmosphere in the room eased to something more comfortable.
"So what's within your grasp that you're not sure you want?"
Paris tensed again. "I don't know what to do. I like her; I really do, but... I guess I never thought she'd look at me, so she was safe." He began pacing around the room again, the blue eyes looking everywhere except at Chakotay, B'Elanna's friend.
"You... B'Elanna?" Chakotay frowned. He would never have believed that the fiery half-Klingon would give Paris the time of day, her contempt for a man who'd betrayed both Starfleet and the Maquis constantly evident.
"Yeah, for the first time she's giving me some encouragement, I guess because I didn't take advantage of the situation, but..." Tom sighed as he paused at a view port, staring blindly at his own reflection. "In some way she became a symbol of acceptance. If B'Elanna could accept me, that meant everyone did, so I had to keep trying." He turned to face Chakotay, his expression conflicted. "I never really thought I had a chance. And her temper..." He frowned. "I think we're oil and water."
"More like oil and a match," Chakotay replied wryly. "The two of you together would be combustible." He shook his head as he sat down, still watching Paris. "Of course, if she's decided to give you a chance and you suddenly change your mind, she's going to be hurt and furious," he warned.
Tom groaned as he sank down on the other end of the sofa. "I know. I don't know what to do. The only thing that might work would be if I were involved with someone else, but I'm not, and I'm not so sure it would help anyway."
"No," Chakotay agreed, "about the only thing she could accept without hurting her pride would be if someone else grabbed you up without you having anything to say about it."
Paris snorted a laugh, slumping down where he sat, the blue eyes weary. "Leaving aside the fact that I outrank everyone on the ship except the captain, Tuvok and you, and none of you would abuse your rank that way even if you were interested, which you aren't, I can't really see that happening. Or do I really strike you as the submissive type?"
Chakotay stared at him for a long moment, seeming to weigh him. "I think you could be with the right person. Sometimes," he qualified, his wide smile breaking free.
Tom flushed again, his eyes falling to his lap. "Yeah, well, Tuvok's a Vulcan and married; the captain's the captain; and you..." He laughed bitterly.
"And I...?" Chakotay asked, turning to face Tom fully, dark brown eyes moving from the confused blue of Tom's to the parted lips and back again.
"You don't like me," Tom said, his breath catching in his throat at what he thought he saw in Chakotay's eyes.
"I didn't like you," Chakotay corrected, leaning a fraction closer so each man could feel the heat of the other's body. "But today you made me realize that you're not the man I was remembering. And you are very attractive."
Tom swallowed hard, feeling his body respond to Chakotay's nearness and words. He could smell the man, and it was arousing responses in him that he hadn't felt in a long time, not since before Auckland. He searched Chakotay's eyes, seeking an indication of whether the passion he thought he felt rising between them was real. "I didn't think you noticed men," he said carefully, turning to face the huskier man fully.
"Oh, I notice. But like the captain, there's the issue of rank to consider." Chakotay shrugged as he leaned a little closer, his eyes fixed on Tom's tongue as it wetted those pink lips he'd never allowed himself to consciously think about before now.
"I guess you couldn't ignore that," Tom said, barely conscious of what he was saying as he watched Chakotay drawing nearer.
"Not for a one-time thing, no, but if I thought there was the potential for more..." Chakotay's words were spoken against Tom's lips, and as he finished, the first officer's tongue flicked gently over them, making the blond gasp. Taking advantage of Tom's parted lips, Chakotay's tongue swept inside, exploring the moist, heated depths.
Some moments later, Chakotay straightened away, both men panting for breath, their eyes opening to stare at one another.
"More?" Tom finally questioned, not certain he'd heard right.
Chakotay shrugged slightly. He'd never consciously thought about Paris as a lover before, but judging by his reactions tonight, his subconscious hadn't been as slow to notice Tom. "Anything's possible," he replied.
"I never used to think so," Tom said quietly, slowly smiling, "but maybe it is." This time he was the one to lean forward, and he pressed his lips to Chakotay's. When the strong arms wrapped around him, he followed their urging and shifted closer until he was kneeling straddling Chakotay's lap.
After a long kiss where he learned every nuance of flavor in Paris' mouth, Chakotay drew his head back, bronzed palms cupping Tom's much paler cheeks, and he searched the dazed blue eyes. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked huskily, his body hard and aching for Tom.
"I know I want to try," Tom answered, hoping that was enough. In all the time he'd pursued B'Elanna, chased the Delaney twins, suffered the pangs of unrequited ‘love' for Kes, he'd never felt anything like this. He didn't know if it was more than lust, but he wanted the chance to find out.
Chakotay nodded, more pleased by the honesty of the reply than he would have been by any more dramatic statement. Neither of them could say yet where this would end up.
He smiled. But they would have fun finding out.
"In that case, perhaps we should move this to the bedroom," he suggested.
Tom nodded as he stood up, and Chakotay wasn't long in following suit. As he did, their bodies pressed together, rubbing as Chakotay rose to his full height. Their arms went around each other as they kissed again, trying to devour each other. Their progress toward the bed was in disjointed staggering, uniforms being tugged open as they went. Boots were flung aside while hands ran over bared chests and yanked pants down over hips. By the time they stumbled onto the bed, both were naked, finally nothing between them as they thrust together.
"Chakotay," Tom groaned, legs spreading so that the commander settled between them, his cock nestled alongside Tom's. The scent of sex filled the air, and Tom inhaled deeply, his cock jerking against his belly in reaction. "God, Chakotay, I want you."
"You're going to have me," Chakotay replied, rocking against him, both of them gasping at the friction on their erections. "Spirits, you're gorgeous," he breathed, taking in the pleasure on Tom's face, the dazed blue eyes, the tousled blond curls. Unable to resist and not even trying to, he seized Tom's mouth in another kiss, claiming it thoroughly.
Tom only moaned, arms and legs winding around Chakotay as he yielded to the possessive kiss. He felt surrounded by Chakotay's strength and heat, his eyes drawn to the contrast between Chakotay's bronzed flesh and his own fair skin. He usually preferred to be the more dominant partner with his lovers, but everything was different with Chakotay. The bigger man made him want nothing more than to spread his legs and be taken.
The lust between them was spiraling out of control, both of them wanting more and more. They rocked together, hands gliding over sweat-slicked bodies, mouths exploring whatever parts they could reach, licking the salt from each other's bodies and smelling their musk surround them.
"Fuck me, Chakotay," Tom groaned, aching to feel himself taken by the thick cock painting his belly with precome. "Please."
"I was planning to," Chakotay replied. He reached to the nightstand for the lubricant that had been lying in the drawer for longer than he cared to think about. He squeezed some into his palm so he could coat his fingers, and slid one easily along Tom's crevice until it nudged his tight opening, making Tom gasp and squirm. Chakotay pressed forward, his finger finally forcing its way past Tom's anus, and Chakotay drew in a sharp breath at the feeling.
"Now!" Tom growled, writhing eagerly on Chakotay's finger, fucking himself.
"Soon," Chakotay responded, knowing from Tom's tightness that it had been a while for the blond and he could easily hurt him. He ignored the sound of frustration Tom made, concentrating on stretching him until he could easily twist two fingers inside him. Chakotay knew that neither of them could wait much longer, so he knelt up between Tom's legs, his free hand coating his erection with more of the slick lotion. Then his fingers were gone, and Tom's sound of protest still echoed in the air when he pulled Tom's ass onto his lap and pressed into him in a long stroke.
Tom's cry was equal parts pain and pleasure, and his erection flagged slightly while his fingers bit into Chakotay's forearms. He panted, lower lip caught between his teeth as he rode the discomfort until it ebbed. Slowly he relaxed, hips shifting sensually as he urged Chakotay to move.
"Fucking gorgeous," Chakotay rasped, dark eyes intent on Tom's face. One hand curled around the blond's cock, stroking him back to complete hardness. Only then did Chakotay begin to move, his hands moving to settle on Tom's hips to pull him up to meet each thrust.
Tom moaned, his hands first clenching in the sheets, then moving to his own chest to pull and twist at his nipples. He'd known for a long time that a sharp edge only added to his pleasure.
"Spirits," Chakotay groaned, a bolt of pure lust stabbing through him at the sight of Tom playing with himself, and his next thrust was harder than he'd allowed himself so far. The sound of their bodies slapping together filled the room, along with their moans of pleasure and Tom's demands for more.
They moved together, blue eyes and dark brown fixed together, never looking away, and suddenly Tom cried out as he came from being fucked, his untouched cock spurting semen over their bellies. His body tightened and rippled around Chakotay's erection, making the bigger man rasp a curse and lean over Tom, hands braced on either side of the blond head.
Chakotay's thrusts sped up, his hips snapping back and forth until he inhaled sharply and came, body shuddering with his release.
Tom lazily stroked Chakotay's back, watching and soothing him until Chakotay relaxed over him, both of them shifting until they were stretched out and comfortable. Tom lay in the curve of Chakotay's arm, not surprised to discover that the first officer was a snuggler. "You know," he said after a while, "if we're going to keep doing this, I will get you to stop being so damn quiet."
Chakotay laughed. "You're welcome to try."
***
"Are you sure about this, Chakotay?" Tom asked for at least the dozenth time. The two of them had been together for about a month now, and so far they had managed to keep anyone from guessing. Despite Tom's worries about B'Elanna, he and the half-Klingon had quickly discovered that they enjoyed each other's company, and a friendship had blossomed between them that had nothing to do with romance.
"Tom!" Chakotay's tone was redolent of amused exasperation and fondness. "We can't keep sneaking around Voyager. It was hard enough deflecting the rumors started by those two crewmen from the turbolift that first night. Besides, I don't want to; I'm not ashamed of you," he added more gently, knowing that was at the heart of the matter.
Tom flushed dully. "The crew will think less of you for getting involved with me," he said, revealing his real fear.
"I think you underestimate your crewmates, Tom. You've more than proven yourself since we've been stuck in the Delta Quadrant. Not to mention that it's nobody's business but our own. And I want us to go to the Christmas party together," Chakotay said. "I want everyone to know that you're mine."
Tom was still uneasy, but he couldn't deny that he wanted to stop hiding their relationship. Harry had been teasing him for weeks about where he was spending his free time, and he wanted to share his happiness with his friends, B'Elanna, Kes and Neelix as well as Harry. "Then I guess we're ready to go," Tom said, taking a deep breath and squaring his shoulders as they left Chakotay's quarters and headed toward the turbolift.
"Relax," Chakotay advised just as B'Elanna stepped out of her quarters and started down the corridor as well.
"Hold the 'lift," she called, quickening her step.
She stepped in and the doors slid closed as she eyed them both. "You look great. I hope you both saved me a dance."
"And you look beautiful," Chakotay replied with a smile as he took in the sight of her in her forest green silk dress and high heels, and Tom nodded as well. He could see the speculation in B'Elanna's eyes as she looked at them standing so close together, and after a moment's hesitation he interlinked his fingers with Chakotay's, holding his hand.
"You do look gorgeous, B'Elanna," he agreed. "We'll be lucky if we can get near you for a dance."
B'Elanna raised her eyes from their clasped hands, a slow smile curving her lips. "Good thing you are lucky then. It looks like you finally wished for the right thing, flyboy."
***