Title: Better Angels
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,464
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

"What do I look like to you?"

Josef's voice was almost wistful as he looked across the room at Mick. The other vampire turned to face his lover, wondering what could have put that tone into Josef's voice. He'd sounded unsure of himself, and that was something that Mick didn't expect from Josef.

"I know there's that old superstition about vampires not casting reflections, but you can see yourself in a mirror as well as I can," Mick laughed, shaking his head. "You know what you look like, Josef. You look at yourself every day."

"That's not what I mean," Josef said quietly, the shake of his head mirroring Mick's. "I want to know what I look like in your eyes. What kind of person do you think I am? And I don't want your personal feelings for me to get in the way of an honest answer."

Mick knew what Josef wanted to hear. He wanted to know how Mick viewed him as a person; they'd had this conversation before, and it had taken Mick a while to assure his lover that Mick didn't see him as being a bad person because of what he was.

He was actually surprised that Josef cared about what he thought. Josef wasn't a man who Mick would have thought cared about what others thought of him -- and he was sure that Josef hadn't cared what people had thought over the centuries.

But of course, he wasn't just another person. He was a fellow vampire -- and he was Josef's lover. Mick didn't blame the other man for being a little anxious about how he appeared in the eyes of the person who shared his bed.

If they had just been fly-by-night lovers, a one-night stand that didn't mean anything, then Josef wouldn't have cared. But they were so much more than that; Mick was aware that he was only the second person who Josef had ever opened his heart to.

Four hundred years old, and he'd only fallen in love twice. That was still a hard concept for Mick to grasp; he couldn't imagine someone living for so long and keeping themselves so self-contained for all that time. But then, Josef was very different from him.

His turning hadn't just changed him from human into vampire; it had taken a trusting, vulnerable young man and turned him into a very different person. The experience had hardened him, and Mick couldn't blame him for that.

How did he see Josef, if he was completely honest? Of course his personal feelings were going to color anything he said; Josef couldn't really expect him to give an opinion that wasn't in some way influenced by his emotions.

He didn't see a reflection of his own vampiric self in Josef. The two of them were far too different for that. For one thing, Josef embraced what he was -- while Mick hated being a vampire and wanted nothing more than to be human again.

But Josef knew that well enough; it wasn't something that Mick needed to repeat. And he wanted to give his lover as honest an answer to his question as he possibly could; he didn't want to lie to Josef about something that Josef obviously thought was important.

Mick turned the question over in his head, speaking slowly, as though he was thinking of each word he said before he let it roll out. "I don't see what you think I might, Josef. I don't see a monster. But I don't see a perfect person, either."

"I didn't think you did," Josef told him, raising an eyebrow and leaning back against the cushions of the comfortable couch. "I'm anything but perfect. And I know you see me as being a monster, just like you see yourself. You can't accept what we are."

Mick shook his head vehemently, his words coming out more quickly now. "No! I don't see you as a monster. I never have. I never could. You're not like me; you don't have all the scruples that I do. But you're not a bad guy, Josef."

"Don't patronize me, Mick." Josef's voice had gone cold; Mick knew that he was retreating behind the walls he used to keep everyone out of his personal space. He hated it when Josef put up those walls to keep him out.

"I'm not." Mick got up from his chair and crossed the room to sit down beside Josef on the couch, taking his lover's hands in his own. He was encouraged when Josef didn't pull away from him, but merely sat there as though he was waiting for Mick to continue.

"Look, I can only tell you honestly what I see when I look at you," Mick said softly, hoping that Josef would believe what he was saying. He had to believe it; it was the truth. "I see the best friend I've ever had. And I see the person I love."

"You don't see some kind of monster?" Josef asked, his tone holding a tinge of disbelief. "You don't see somebody who's a cold-blooded killer? Somebody who's cold and hard and never lets anyone into his life or his heart unless he wants to use them?"

"What?" Mick felt bewildered by Josef's words, as if he was discussing someone he didn't know. "I might have thought that about you at first, before I really knew you -- but I haven't for a long time. I know that cold facade you put up is just for show."

"I don't want the way you look at me to be a reflection of what others see," Josef said, his gaze dropping away from Mick's. For the first time, Mick thought that he heard a tremor in his lover's voice; that, too, was unusual with Josef.

"Josef, I know you better than anybody else does," Mick said softly, raising a hand to caress Josef's jaw and turn his boyfriend's face back to his. "You know I don't see you the way other people do. I see what's inside. I see what's really there, not just the surface."

"Sometimes I wonder if you let your emotions interfere with what you see," Josef murmured, sighing and pulling his hands from Mick's grasp. "I don't want pretty words and soft soap, Mick. I want to know what you really think of me."

"I think you're a good person," Mick told him, feeling a little annoyed that Josef didn't seem to believe he was telling the truth. "I know you kill people. But I also know that you don't kill anybody you see as an innocent. You're not some kind of unforgivable monster."

"I was when I first turned," Josef said, his voice deceptively soft. "You didn't know me then, but I was a monster. I went crazy. I wanted to get back at a world that had been pretty damn cruel to me up until that point. Becoming a vampire was my salvation."

"I don't see myself reflected in you," Mick sighed, hoping that those words didn't hurt Josef. "We're two different people. I'll never be like you. But that doesn't mean you're a monster. You might have been at one time, but you've grown past that."

"Yeah?" Josef's tone was lighter now; he finally looked at Mick again, a crooked smile lifting one corner of his lips. "I guess it took four hundred years and falling in love with a man to bring out my better side, if what you say is true."

"I'd like to think that I brought out the better angels of your nature," Mick said with a smile, glad that Josef seemed to be lightening the mood a little. "You might not be an angel, but you're not a devil either. You just .... are what you are."

"I've always worried that you have a hard time seeing past the front I put up," Josef said, his voice a little choked. "It's good to know that you don't. Try to see me as I really am, will you? At least then I'll know that there's one person who really cares about me."

Mick nodded, his throat tightening at Josef's words. "You know I'll always see the real person under that mask," he whispered, lifting Josef's face to his and leaning forward to brush his mouth across his lover's softly parted lips.

All he could see at that moment was the man he loved.

***