Title: Water Under the Bridge
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,694
Author's Note: Spoilers for the Moonlight episode "Sleeping Beauty."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
"Does it ever bother you that I'm so old?" Josef asked Mick, propping his elbows on the table and resting his chin in his hands. "I know I don't look like I'm over four hundred years old, but I am. I've been around the block more than a few times, Mick."
"Do you really think age is going to matter to me?" Mick asked, countering Josef's question with one of his own. "No, I don't care that you're over four hundred years old. It's never really occurred to me to think about your age. It's never seemed to matter."
He'd never really thought about Josef's age, he realized with something of a shock. Age hadn't occurred to him; Josef had always seemed so young, even though he'd known for decades that the other man was much more ancient than anyone who didn't know him could possibly imagine.
"Is that just because I don't look or act my age, or do you really think that it doesn't matter?" Josef inquired, raising an eyebrow. "I've seen a lot in my time, Mick. I've lived through the Regency era, the Revolution -- I've been around. I've seen a lot of history."
"I know," Mick said softly, his gaze meeting Josef's. "I told Beth once, when we thought you'd been killed, that you are history. I thought I'd lost you then -- and I never felt so alone in my life. I felt like I'd lost everything that ever mattered to me."
"Really?" Josef looked astonished at Mick's admission. "I knew we were close, Mick, but I didn't think you felt that strongly about me then. Shows how aware I was of what you were feeling. I guess I was way too focused on my own emotions then."
"You had other things to think about," Mick said with a laugh. "Like finding out who it was that wanted you dead. And I think I came in handy with that. It was a search that took me to some places that I didn't think I'd go -- and I found out some surprising things about you."
"Yeah, you did," Josef said, sighing as he leaned back in his chair and regarded his boyfriend. "I should have told you about Sarah a long time ago. I trusted you enough to do it -- but I didn't want you to think that I didn't love you and was still in love with her when I wasn't."
"That day in New York, I thought you were," Mick admitted, unable to meet Josef's gaze. "I was sure that you were -- and Beth helped me along with that assumption. It took me a while to realize she did that out of her own selfish agenda."
"She wanted to make you believe that I was still in love with somebody else," Josef said, his gaze still on Mick. "I knew that -- but I knew that you wouldn't believe me if I told you that's what she was after. So I kept quiet and hoped you see her for what she really is."
"It took me a while longer, but I did eventually," Mick said, looking grim. "I think she always knew that I was in love with you, even when I wouldn't admit it to myself. That's why she smiled and looked so happy when I told her that I needed a drink after I thought you were dead."
"She wanted me dead," Josef told him, shrugging. "I've always known that. Beth hates me, because she's always known how you feel about me. She knew even before you did. She's one of those people who can ferret out what others think with nosy questions."
"I think she guessed how I felt when I was so distraught over thinking you were dead," Mick speculated, his brow furrowing in a frown. "And from that moment on, she tried to insinuate herself even further into my life, even though she already had a fiancé."
"She didn't care how old you really were, did she?" Josef said with a laugh that sounded like a harsh bark of sound. "All she wanted was to be immortal. I don't think she was capable of caring about anything but herself, and what she wanted to have."
"I knew she didn't love me," Mick said, the anger he felt at that deception coming through in his tone. "I'm really kind of disgusted with myself to think that I could ever have believed I was in love with her. Someone my age should know better, shouldn't they?"
"She should have loved you," Josef growled, his dark eyes narrowing. "I can't see how she could be so selfish and blind. But she isn't capable of caring about anything but her own desires, Mick. I'm glad you found that out before you got in too deep."
"So am I," Mick said, raising a hand and shaking his head, as though he was trying to push away any memory of Beth that might still be there in his mind. "And I never really loved her, no matter how much I tried to convince myself that I did."
"Because you weren't ready to admit that you loved a man," Josef said, his smile almost a smirk. "What would you say if I told you that it takes a certain age and maturity to be ready to accept that kind of decision in your life? It did for me, y'know."
"Yeah, but I didn't go through the same trauma that you did," Mick pointed out, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. "And I had Simon to teach me. You didn't have the luxury of a man being gentle with you. So you shied away from the idea for a long time."
"Until I fell in love with you," Josef said softly, his gaze locking with Mick's. "I was scared of the feelings I had, and I might even have tried to deny them to myself at first. But I knew how I felt, Mick. How I still feel. How I'll always feel. Nothing is ever going to change that."
"If it did, I'd be really disappointed," Mick said softly, reaching out to lay his hand over Josef's where it was resting on the table. "I can't see myself getting older without you. I don't want to get to this great age and not have you beside me. We've wasted enough time already."
"I wish we'd have both come to our senses about our feelings a long time before we did, but that's water under the bridge now," Josef said, waving a hand negligently in the air. "I'm just glad I didn't have to wait another four hundred years for you."
"Do you think you could have done that?" Mick asked him, laughing in spite of the fact that he knew his lover was serious. "Remember, you thought that Lola was ancient after living for over five hundred years. Do you really think eight hundred is possible?"
"I think anything is possible if you love somebody enough," Josef said softly, his voice turning soft and husky on the words. "I'd be willing to wait another four hundred years for you if I had to. And I want to spend at least that long being with you and loving you."
"I can see you when you're a thousand years old," Mick said softly, closing his fingers around Josef's hand. "You'll still be just as young and beautiful as you are to me right now. I don't think you're ever going to change. And I don't want you to."
"Don't you ever change, either," Josef told him, laughing softly. "I used to think that your yearning after your lost humanity was really annoying. But now, I'm kind of finding that it's one of the things I love about you. The fact that you don't lose touch with that humanity."
"I don't wish for it like I used to." Mick shook his head, smiling as he did so. "If I could be human again, that would mean that I couldn't spend eternity with you. And I want that life with you, Josef. I don't want to be human again. I wouldn't be happy if I was. I know that now."
"If you decided that you wanted to be human again, I'd remind you that you would age and die, and that we wouldn't stay together," Josef told him, those long fingers twining with Mick's. "Well, maybe we would. I couldn't leave you. There's no way."
"I can't be human again, anyway," Mick informed him, the smile still hovering around the corners of his mouth. "That's all water under the bridge, like you said. I'd rather look forward to living the life I have as a vampire, and spending eternity with you."
"Those are both good things to look forward to," Josef said, his voice still soft, a note of tenderness in it that Mick couldn't remember having ever heard before. "It's not so bad, is it? Life as a vamp can be pretty good when you've got somebody to share it with."
"Damn right it can," Mick said, finally standing up to lean across the table and brush his lips against the softness of his boyfriend's mouth. "And in answer to your question -- I don't care how old you are. It's not like age differences have to matter to us."
Josef's soft laugh was all he needed for an answer; he moved around the table, pulling his boyfriend to his feet, and then into his arms. As long as he had Josef in his life, nothing else really mattered, Mick told himself. Only the future -- and how the two of them would share it.***