Title: Candy Eggs
Author: DehydratedWater
Pairing: Aziraphale/Crowley
Fandom: Good Omens
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Crowley and Aziraphale are not mine. Aside from belonging to themselves (and perhaps each other), they are the property of the wonderful Mr. Pratchett and the equally wonderful Mr. Gaiman. I also make no profit from this fanfiction, although actually having something in my bank account would be a nice change of pace.
Summary: Inspired by thoughts that occurred while eating some candy eggs and reading GO fanfics.***
The shop's bell tinkled as Crowley casually walked in, acting as if Easter hadn't just happened the day before. Aziraphale was used to this yearly routine of Crowley's, where the demon would go into hiding a few days before the start of Holy Week and only reappear once everything was over and done with. Crowley had once said he did it because the religious vibes- or fervor, as he'd actually put it- coming from the Christians always got to be a little too much for him around this time. Given how attending various Easter services caused him to feel a peaceful sort of euphoria which tended to last the rest of the day, Aziraphale understood.
"So, you up for trying that new Thai place that just opened up?" Crowley asked as he reached into a blue plastic bag he was holding and popped an equally blue roundish something into his mouth.
"As long as they have something that isn't too spi-" Aziraphale stopped and stared as Crowley ate another candy. "Are those what I think they are?"
"Yup," he replied as he reached in for another candy egg. "Got 'em on sale."
The various thoughts that had suddenly arisen were crowding around in his head, each wanting to be first in having the angel voice its particular aspect of the situation's multiple ironies. One of them finally made it past his lips.
"You're... eating eggs."
"Um, no. I'm eating candy-coated chocolates designed to look like eggs. And I know what you're thinking, but when it all comes down to it, 'Easter' candy is still just candy."
"Still, it's rather ironic that you would be eating something egg-shaped in the first place."
Crowley quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? How so?"
"Well, I was reading an old issue of National Geographic the other day, and it had this article about snakes..."
There was a long pause, during which Crowley lowered his sunglasses so that Aziraphale could actually see him roll his eyes.
"Yeah, yeah, snakes eating eggs whole," the demon grumbled. "I thought I already told you once that I prefer omelets. But if you're so inclined to automatically apply what you read in a nature magazine to me..."
Trailing off, Crowley popped another candy into his mouth and proceeded to swallow it without chewing. Aziraphale rushed over to him immediately, panic on his face as he wrapped his arms around him from behind and proceeded to give him something resembling the Heimlich maneuver.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Crowley croaked out after coughing up the candy and pushing Aziraphale away. "You sodding idiot!"
"But... you shouldn't be so reckless like that! You could have..."
"You could have broken my bloody ribs! Do you even know how to do a proper Heimlich?"
"Well, not really... but I'd rather risk cracking a few ribs than watch you discorporate yourself due to stupidity and Easter candy. I'm pretty sure there's some sort of award that you can earn for that nowadays."
Crowley just looked at him stunned. When had Aziraphale learned about the Darwin Awards?
***