Title: At Fault
By: Stacy L.A. Stronach
Fandom: Law & Order: Criminal Intent
Pairing: Logan/Goren
Rating: PG-13
Note: Tag for On Fire and The Good. Written for LJ's fanfic100 (uncompleted). Prompt: 080 Why?
Summary: Mike knows it's his fault.***
Mike Logan took another long drink of his beer. There was something on TV but he wasn't really seeing it. Sports maybe. It didn't really matter. All he could think about was the fact that Deakins had decided to quit; all because Mike shot a cop. He felt horrible about shooting a fellow officer and even with IAB clearing him, saying it was a good shoot…that hadn't eased his guilt.
Earlier this evening, he'd gone to the bar where the Major Case squad had held Deakins' farewell party. Jimmy hadn't really wanted anything but the members of his squad had insisted.
Before he'd gotten to far into his cups, Mike had managed to get Jimmy alone for a few minutes. "Look, Captain, I'm sorry all this shit happened."
Jimmy looked confused. "Logan. This shit that happened? It wasn't your fault, trust me."
"If I hadn't shot—"
"If it hadn't been that, it would've been something else. It's not your fault," Jimmy reached out and put his hand on Mike's shoulder. "Look at me, Logan. This is NOT your fault, okay? So put the guilt away and have another drink. That's an order, by the way."
Mike grinned and looked at his watch. "I don't think you can order me around anymore, can you?"
"Disobey me and see," Jimmy replied, smiling back at the other man. "And Mike, believe me when I say I don't regret bringing you into the squad. Not for one minute. You're a damn fine detective, better than any of those pricks in IAB will ever be. Don't forget that."
Mike gave him a sloppy salute. "Aye-aye, Cap'n," he said. He turned serious as he continued. "And thanks. It means a lot to know that and that you were willing to take a chance on me. I'm glad I didn't let you down." Reaching out, he shook Jimmy's hand. "C'mon, let me buy you a drink."
"Sounds like a very good idea," Jimmy replied and he headed for the bar, Mike trailing behind him.
An hour later and Mike decided it was time to leave. He was getting drunk but tonight he knew he'd be a morose, nasty son-of-a-bitch drunk.
Now, he sat on his couch, nursing another beer. And, despite what Deakins had said, Mike knew, deep down that it was his fault the captain had to leave. If he hadn't shot that cop there wouldn't have been anything Deakins' enemies could have done to him. Mike drained his beer and was just getting up off the couch to get another one when he heard his front door open. "Bobby?"
"Yeah, it's me," Bobby Goren quickly hung up his coat and took off his shoes. He walked into the living room. "Want another beer?"
"That'd be good, thanks," Mike replied, watching Bobby head into the kitchen. He always liked it when the other man wore jeans, they emphasised the lines of his ass. And God knows he loved Bobby's ass. Well, the entire package was good but his ass is especially nice. Mike snickered at his own thoughts. Yeah, he was well on his way to getting plastered.
Bobby came back and stood in front of Mike, staring at him. "Why'd you leave early?"
Mike shrugged. "Knew I wouldn't be good company…tonight's a melancholy kind of drunk night."
Bobby didn't say anything for a minute or two, he just tilted his head to the side, watching Mike; he knew that Mike hated it when he did that but Bobby couldn't really help it. "Melancholy? Why?"
"It's my fault Deakins had to leave; I mean, when it comes down to it, it's cus I shot that cop. I don't know who did it to him or why but it's obvious it was a set up. I don't know why he didn't fight back."
Setting the beers on the table, Bobby straddled Mike, leaning his head down, his mouth open and pressing against Mike's neck. He flicked his tongue against the skin before sucking on it as he lifted his mouth away. Grinning at the sharp intake of breath and the feel of Mike's hands sliding under his t-shirt, Bobby kissed the corner of his mouth. "Look at me, Michael." Once he had the other man's attention, Bobby continued. "I don't know who it was, either, but I have an idea; might've been Frank Adair. Jimmy helped put him away, he was a dirty cop. If Jimmy had tried to prove it was Adair, it would've meant bringing down other people who's only fault in this was blind loyalty to a bastard and he probably didn't think his own career was worth it. I disagree with that but…not my decision to make. So, I hate to disappoint you but really, your incident was mere opportunity. It's not your fault."
"Fuck you, you don't know that. If I wasn't such a fuck up, they wouldn't have tried to do anything—"
Bobby shut Mike up the most effective way he's learned how: he kissed him. Mike resisted at first but it didn't take long for him to open his mouth to Bobby's insistent tongue. Mike moaned, shoving his hips up while his hands were on Bobby's hips and pulled him closer. Both men moaned when their erections pressed together through their pants. Bobby dragged his mouth from Mike's, leaning forward so his mouth was next to Mike's ear, warm breath flowing over it when he whispered, "If it hadn't been you, it would've been one of us, something we'd done, something they could get him for. Don't feel guilty. I know Deakins told you pretty much the same thing. Believe him." Bobby slid his tongue out, licking the outer shell of Mike's ear, keeping him distracted.
Mike groaned as he tilted his head back and to the side, exposing more of his neck to Bobby. He loved this, having Bobby on top of him, the other man's weight holding him down and providing an odd sort of comfort. He listened to the words that were whispered into his ear and somewhere deep inside he knew it was the truth. Mike just hoped that some day, he'd actually be able to believe it. Someday….
***