Title: Read My Heart
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,841
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Mick looked over at Josef as his lover headed towards the bar in his living room, watching the shorter man as he took out two glasses to pour the ruby red liquid into them. He looked for all the world like a bartender at his job, making two innocuous drinks.

Only those drinks weren't liquor, and they wouldn't get either of them drunk. Those drinks were blood, human blood. Mick hated drinking it, hated being reminded of what he was each time he raised one of those exquisitely cut crystal winglasses to his lips.

But since he'd become involved with Josef and acknowledged that his feelings for the other vampire went far deeper than just friendship, it had been easier to accept what he was. He might not like it any more than he ever had, but he no longer fought it.

How could he? Josef was the same thing that he was, and he'd never railed against being a vampire. He'd always accepted it with open arms, and even been grateful for what he'd become. Immortality was like a cape that he drew around himself, something to keep him safe and protected.

Mick had never seen it that way. But then again, Mick told himself philosophically, he hadn't been left to bleed the last of his human life away in a ditch after being brutally raped. The circumstances behind Josef's turning had been far different from his own.

How would he have reacted to becoming what he was if he'd been through what Josef had? There wasn't really an answer to that question, he thought, his eyes still on his boyfriend as Josef picked up the glasses and came back towards him.

He would never know the pain that Josef had. He'd never have to go through that kind of uncertainty and fear -- and he would never be the kind of vampire that Josef was. He would never be able to take a human life without any regrets for what he was doing.

Of course, Josef wasn't evil. He would never kill someone who he knew was an innocent; he'd long ago made it clear that the only humans he killed were the ones who deserved it, the ones who carried evil in their hearts. He didn't take innocent lives.

Josef tried to put up a tough front, but Mick knew that deep inside, he was a decent person. He might be a vampire, one of those things that struck fear into the hearts of millions of humans, but he was far from the worst thing that could invade their nightmares.

Mick had met vampires who were much worse than Josef, vampires who had no compunction about the murder of innocent humans. No scruples, no morals, and no regrets for anything that they did. They saw the human race as inferior, only fit to be their food.

His boyfriend would never be like that, in spite of the things he was given to saying about humans. Mick knew that Josef had a respect for the race that he'd once been a part of; he lived peaceably in coexistence with them, as long as they didn't know what he was or come after him.

"What are you thinking about? You look so damn serious," Josef said as he sat down on the couch beside Mick and handed him one of the nearly-full glasses. "Here. Drink up. You need to wipe that look off your face and tell me what's got you so pensive."

"I was just thinking of the differences between you and me -- and the similarities," Mick murmured as he looked into the glass, studying the liquid there. "How much you're like me, and the front you put up. I know you're not as disdainful of humans as you pretend to be."

Josef shrugged, sighing as he lifted his wineglass to his lips. "How could I be? I was human once, you know," he said, his tone nonchalant. "Even though I've got to admit that it was so long ago I really don't remember what it was like to be so vulnerable."

Except in your dreams, Mick finished inwardly, not wanting to say the words aloud. You can remember every second of the last night you were human when you wake up screaming in my arms, and it takes hours for you to go back to sleep.

"You know, that's one of the reasons I cherish you so much," Mick said aloud, his thoughts put into words before he could stop himself. "Because you say things like that, even though I know they're just bravado and you're covering up how you really feel."

He turned his head to look at Josef, but his boyfriend didn't meet his eyes with the usual defiant stare that Mick had grown used to. Now it was Josef's turn to look at the deep ruby liquid in his glass, studying it as though it held some interest for him.

"You're the only person who's ever looked behind the mask, Mick," he said softly, his murmur so low that even with his sensitized vampire hearing, Mick almost had to strain to hear him. "Nobody else ever cared enough to find out what I really felt about anything."

"Nobody?" Mick asked before he could keep the single word back. He was surprised to hear Josef say that; he would have thought that Sarah, his boyfriend's first love, had looked behind all the masks, that she had been unafraid of anything that might be lurking in the shadows.

Josef shook his head, though he didn't look at Mick. "She only saw what she wanted to see," he said, his voice hoarse. "She loved me, and she wanted me -- but still, she didn't face everything about me head-on. At the time, that's what I thought I wanted."

"So what was it that you really wanted?" Mick asked, almost afraid to ask the question. He had a feeling that they were close to some kind of breakthrough in their relationship, one that he hadn't expected to happen when he'd come here tonight.

"I wanted somebody to cherish me the way that you do," Josef said simply, finally looking over at him. "I wanted somebody to know everything about me, even all those feelings that I've always tried so hard to hide from the world. I wanted somebody to care enough to find them."

"I cared enough from the beginning," Mick said, his voice equally as soft as Josef's. "But at the time, I was stupid enough to think that Coraline was my future. And I didn't think I could fall in love with a man, even though I was attracted to you."

"You thought it was just friendship," Josef told him, nodding. "I didn't blame you for that. And I was still trying to come to terms with the fact that I'd fallen in love with a man. But I wanted you, Mick. And I loved you, even though it took me a while to admit it."

"I wish that I'd have had the balls to tell you how I felt the second I knew it," Mick admitted, lifting the glass and taking a gulp of the ruby-red sustenance. "If I had, we'd have saved a lot of time. And probably a lot of heartache, too. At least on my side."

"Hey, that was there for me, too," Josef admonished him. "There were nights when I couldn't sleep, because all I could think of was you with Coraline. I was so damn jealous of her. She had the only thing I wanted, and I knew that I couldn't just take you away from her."

"Because I had to come to you," Mick murmured, reaching out to place a hand on Josef's cheek. "And I did, once I came to my sense and realized that I cherished you above all other things in the world. And that I always would, no matter what."

"Cherishing somebody is different from loving them, Mick," Josef said, his voice still soft. "The two can go together, but when you cherish somebody, it makes that love even stronger and more of a bond between you. Do you really feel that way?"

"You know I do," Mick whispered, a lump coming into his throat that he found it hard to push back. "I've felt that way about you since the beginning. First as a friend -- and now --" He couldn't go on; the words stuck in his throat, and he couldn't force them out.

But it didn't matter. Josef knew how he felt; he'd known ever since that first night when Mick had poured out his feelings and looked deeply into his eyes. Josef had no doubt of how he felt -- and he himself had no reservations about Josef's feelings, either.

"I feel the same way," Josef said softly, leaning forward to put his glass down on the coffee table. "Have ever since I first saw you. I might not have admitted it then, but I loved you from the start, Mick. And I've only grown to cherish you more over the time we've been together."

"You should have been able to read my heart right from the beginning," Mick told him, trying to lighten their mood a bit. "Then you'd have been able to cut right through all that bullshit that we gave each other for so long. We'd have saved a lot of time."

"I wish I could have read your heart," Josef whispered, his eyes never leaving Mick's face. "If I could have, then I'd have taken you away from her and not had any regrets about it. You'd have been with me a lot sooner than you were. You'd have been mine -- just like I was always yours."

Mick set his own wineglass down, reaching for Josef and pulling the other man into his arms. His heart was too full of emotion for him to trust words to express what he felt; he was sure that his actions would speak more clearly than anything he could say.

Josef leaned into his embrace, sighing contentedly and snuggling against him. It wasn't often that his boyfriend was in this kind of mood, unless they were in bed, and Mick wanted to enjoy every moment of being here with the man he loved.

Oh yes, he cherished this man far more than he could possibly put into words, Mick thought, closing his eyes and giving himself over to the pleasure of having Josef clasped in his arms. He might not be able to express those feelings in words -- but he was sure that Josef could read what was in his heart.

***