Title: Under Lock and Key
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,785
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Los Angeles, 1955
It wasn't fair. This shouldn't be happening.
Btu that was the way life always seemed to go for him, wasn't it? Josef thought with a wry smile. The people he cared for never seemed to feel the same about him; it was always someone else who captured their hearts, someone else who ended up with them.
It was that way with Mick. The one person who he could truly love, the one who he wanted to spend an eternity with -- and he was so caught up with Coraline that he could barely see two inches in front of his face, much less see another person's feelings for him.
And besides, he should be used to keeping his emotions under lock and key, shouldn't he? He'd done that for centuries. There had been people he'd cared about, but he'd hidden those feelings under a veil of flippancy and ennui, pretending they didn't exist.
Still, this was different. This wasn't just infatuation, or desire. This was far deeper.
He was in love with Mick St. John. Not in the way that he'd been with Sarah; his love for her had been deep, yes, but he'd always had his doubts about spending eternity with her. He hadn't wanted to turn her -- and he'd been right not to want that.
It had been hard for him to admit that she had only wanted to be with him so that she could have eternal life as a vampire. She'd said that she had wanted to be turned so that she could be with him forever -- but something in her eyes had told him that she was lying.
Mick would never be like that. If he said that he wanted to be turned so that he could spend eternity with someone, he would mean it. But that was beside the point; he was sure that Mick would never want to be turned.
Mick St. John was a man who had strong opinions, strong beliefs. And Josef was almost positive that he would never want to be a vampire. Mick loved his humanity too much; he was far too more, too human, to be comfortable as one of them.
Coraline wouldn't care about that. She would turn him without a second thought; she was becoming more and more obsessed with the idea of having Mick by her side forever. It didn't matter to her whether Mick wanted to be turned or not; all she cared about was fulfilling her own desires.
Mick might think he loved her now, but wait until he found out what she really was, Josef thought grimly. He would back away from her with a look of disgust on his face -- and Coraline would never countenance that. She would never accept that he didn't love her.
Her obsession would only gnaw more deeply at her if she knew that he didn't want her. It was entirely possible that she could turn Mick, and then, when he recoiled in horror from what he'd become and from what she was -- she could kill him.
That wasn't going to happen, Josef told himself firmly. He wouldn't let it.
He would have to be Mick's guardian angel, as it were. He'd have to keep a close eye on the two of them, and if it looked like Coraline was close to turning him -- he'd have to find a way to stop her. No way was he going to let that selfish bitch harm Mick.
But what could he do? He couldn't be there with them all the time -- and even though he was good friends with Mick, there were only so many excuses he could make for being around, for the two of them hanging out together. He wouldn't be there every second.
If he was around Mick much more than he already was at this point, he wouldn't be able to keep those emotions he'd hidden so well under lock and key for much longer. They would have to come out -- or he would inadvertently slip up and let his feelings be known.
He couldn't do that. It would chase Mick away from him even more quickly than finding out his best friend was a vampire. Though he'd had glimmers of hope that Mick might feel more for him than mere friendship, he wasn't ready to act on those conclusions yet.
What if he was wrong? What if Mick only thought of him as a friend and nothing more -- and he really did love Coraline? No, Josef told himself fiercely, dismissing the thought as soon as it entered his head. That wasn't possible. He didn't love her.
There was a fine line between love and obsession -- and Mick had never crossed that line. He was firmly on the side of obsession, and Josef was sure that was where he would stay. His obsession with Coraline would die a quick death once he knew her true nature.
That discovery would change everything. Josef was sure of it.
And then he would be able to step in and .... what? he asked himself with an inward snort. Rescue Mick from a life with someone he didn't want to be with? It wasn't as though he'd be able to give Mick back his humanity once he was turned. He couldn't work miracles.
And even if he could, he wouldn't want Mick to be human. If he was, then he would age and die -- and Josef wanted Mick to be with him forever. It was a selfish wish, yes, and probably not what Mick would want. But he couldn't deny that it was what he wanted.
Wouldn't that make him just as bad as Coraline? Josef sighed, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. Yes, it would. But that didn't make him want Mick any less -- and besides, he was tired of keeping his feelings locked up so tightly within himself.
He shouldn't have to keep those feelings hidden. He should be allowed to have just as much of a chance with Mick as Coraline did. He was sure that Mick harbored feelings for him -- but he might never have the chance to find out if that was true.
As long as Mick was obsessed with her, then he'd never consider Josef to be anything more than a good friend. Not only that, he would never even look at another person in a romantic way. He wasn't the kind of man who would cheat on someone he loved.
He wanted that chance with Mick. He wanted to show Mick that being in love with a man wasn't wrong -- even though he'd had his own doubts about his feelings at first. After the last night of his own human life, he was actually shocked that he could feel this way.
That was something he'd prefer not to think about. The thought was pushed away as quickly as it had come into his mind; that was the past, and what he wanted to have with Mick was the future. Mick was the important issue here, not something that had happened so long ago.
His emotions were getting closer and closer to the surface the more time he spent with Mick. Sooner or later, he was going to blurt out his true feelings to the other man -- and that could very well push Mick away from him forever.
Or, if he was lucky and Mick felt the same stirrings of emotion, it could bring them closer.
That more than likely wasn't going to happen for a very long time -- if ever, he told himself reluctantly. Even if Mick did have feelings for him, he wasn't the kind of man who would acknowledge them without a lot of soul-searching -- and there was no telling what conclusion he would come to.
No, he'd have to keep hiding his feelings, pretending that he only thought of Mick as friend, keep what he really felt under lock and key. Everything had to be bottled up, locked inside himself, only allowed to come out when he was alone like this and could brood on the situation.
That wasn't what he wanted to do. He didn't want to hide his emotions under lock and key any longer. He wanted to tell Mick how he felt, to get it all out in the open so he would know where to go from here. But that wasn't a risk he could take at the moment.
No, he would have to stand in the shadows and watch carefully. He would have to keep an eye on Coraline -- and if it seemed that she was going to turn Mick, he might be able to step in and stop it from happening before it was too late.
He had a terrible premonition that he wouldn't be able to do that -- and that his life, as well as Mick's, would be changed forever. If Mick was turned, then everything was different. The entire dynamic of who they were, and what they could mean to each other, would be changed.
And if that did happen, then maybe his feelings wouldn't have to be locked up any more.
That was what he wanted, wasn't it? Josef frowned, trying to probe into his emotions, but feeling as though they were locked so deeply inside that he couldn't figure out just how he felt. His feelings were an enigma to everyone most of the time -- and apparently even to him.
One thing he did know was that he wasn't going to let Coraline destroy Mick. If she did manage to turn him, he would take the other man under his wing. He would show Mick how to live as a vampire -- and he would forge the bonds of their friendship even more strongly.
He wasn't going to give Mick up that easily. And he wasn't going to keep his emotions under lock and key forever. One day, he would tell Mick how he felt. If the other man returned those feelings or not -- well, that would remain to be seen.
Hopefully, he wouldn't have to keep those emotions under lock and key for much longer.***