Title: Man in the Mirror
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,447
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

It was a good thing that old myth about vampires not being able to see themselves in mirrors wasn't true, Josef told himself as he stared at his reflection. He liked looking at himself -- and it would be hard to dress properly for a business meeting if he couldn't see how he looked.

Nobody would guess that he was over four hundred years old -- even within the vampire community, most were surprised to find out that his youthful facade hid such an advanced age. But of course, in vampire parlance, four hundred wasn't all that old.

There were plenty of others who were twice as old as he was. There were some vampires that were so old nobody had any idea of exactly when they'd been turned. But fortunately, none of those had ever crossed his path -- or had any scores to settle with him.

It was hard enough to deal with vampires of his own vintage at times -- especially those that remembered what he'd been like when he was first turned and had gone on a rampage. Not that he regretted doing so, but looking back, it might not have been the best idea.

He'd looked at himself many a time in the mirror and not liked what he'd seen. There had been a time when he had hated himself, not for what he was, but for how he lived his eternal life. For being alone and not having the courage to change that.

But he'd done that now, Josef reminded himself, smiling at his reflection. He was with someone he loved more than he'd thought he could ever love anyone, and miracle of miracles, the emotions he felt for Mick St. John were actually returned by the man he loved.

That was enough to make him able to look at the man he saw before him in the mirror now and like who he was looking at. The guilt that he'd felt for years over Sarah had melted away; what had happened to her wasn't his fault. It never had been.

She simply hadn't been strong enough to make the leap across the chasm that separated his vampiric existence from her human one. Yes, it had been a tragedy, but he hadn't been to blame for it. It could have happened to anyone.

The fact that he'd been able to turn Mick when his lover had come to him and asked for his help to turn a second time had proved that. He wasn't cursed. He could turn others; it wasn't some flaw in who he was that had caused Sarah's coma.

How many years had he looked at his reflection in the mirror every day and hated what he'd seen because that guilt had still been with him? Too many to count, he thought ruefully; even after he'd met Mick and had truly fallen in love, that guilt had still remained.

How many times had he looked at the man in the mirror and wondered what Mick thought of him? There had been too many of those times to count, too, he told himself with an inward smile. Mick had probably been doing the same thing, even though he'd never said so.

Mick had given him a new reason to like who he was. He'd spent way too many years -- maybe even decades -- not liking the person he saw when he looked in that mirror. He'd never been ashamed of what he was, but he hadn't liked some of the choices he'd made.

His boyfriend had shown him that those choices didn't equal the person he was. He could change, even though he'd thought that he didn't want to make the effort of doing so. But Mick had given him a reason to do that, too, even if he'd complained about it.

Was changing his life to be more of what Mick wanted and needed really all that bad? No, not when the result was bringing him closer to the man he loved. He wouldn't change everything about himself for Mick, but then, he wasn't expected to.

Mick hadn't even expected him to change at all. He'd made that decision for himself; he'd somehow come to the conclusion that not only would changing some of his long-held habits be good for his relationship with Mick, but it just might make him like himself better as well.

And what do you know -- it worked, Josef told himself as he raked a hand through his hair and adjusted his tie. Not only did he like how he looked now, but he liked what was under that attractive surface that he presented to the world.

He would never be ashamed of what he was. He would never be able to live like Mick, taking his blood only from blood banks rather than straight from the vein. But he could adapt his way to life to fit with his boyfriend's, so that their differences weren't so obvious.

And besides, Mick loved him even though he wasn't exactly what the other man wanted in a mate. They would never be the perfect couple; they would never see eye to eye on every issue. But they loved each other, and that was really all that mattered.

Could he keep looking in the mirror and liking the person he was as time went by if he kept changing to become what he thought Mick wanted and needed? The thought made Josef pause, frowning at the man reflected in the glass as he contemplated that image.

If it came down to the point where he felt uncomfortable with changing anything about how he lived his life, he simply wouldn't have to do it. Mick didn't demand that he change. He didn't ask that Josef live up to the young, almost innocent image that his reflection projected.

No, the changes had all come from his side. Mick hadn't asked that he change; he'd offered to do it, with no pushing from his boyfriend. Mick would love him regardless of who he was. He'd proven that over and over, time and time again.

He had no right to question whether Mick would still desire him and have the same strong emotions for him if he changed nothing else about who he was. He had no right to question Mick's feelings for him at all, not after all that his boyfriend had done for him.

Josef sighed, taking a deep breath and turning away from the man in the mirror. He'd done some terrible things in his lifetime, mainly within the first few years after he was turned. So many that he'd hated to look into the mirror for a long time.

He was never going to return to that way of living. He'd grown past that; he had more to live for now than just the pursuit of wealth and pleasure, or petty revenge. He had a man who he loved, a man who he wanted to spend all of eternity with.

He'd spent enough of his life looking into mirrors and flinching at the person he saw there. He was past that now; he liked what he saw when he looked at himself, and he wanted to keep it that way. He wasn't going to retrace his steps back into the past.

That man in the mirror was going to remain someone who he could look at with pride, someone who he could smile at and feel that there was a man worthy of all that he had in his life. He'd spent far too much time feeling that he wasn't. But that was over now.

Turning away from the mirror, Josef left his bedroom, glancing at his watch. He had ten minutes to take the elevator to one of the lower floors and be waiting in his office when the humans he was doing business with arrived, keeping the facade of his own humanity intact for them.

That wasn't always the easiest thing to do, he told himself as he stopped to adjust his tie one last time. But that image of the man in the mirror was the one they believed they were dealing with -- and at the moment, he was content to let that image represent him.

***