Title: All Because of You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,816
Author's Note: Spoilers for the Moonlight episode "Fated To Pretend."
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Los Angeles, 2008
"Mmm, smell that," Mick told Josef as they strolled by a café. "I love the smell of coffee, even though I can't drink it. It was one of the things I might have overdosed on when I was human. I think I crammed a lot of living into just a few days."
"Yeah, it sounds like you did," Josef answered, his voice sounding faraway. "It must have been a kind of revelation for you, to be able to catch up on everything that you missed for more than fifty years. I'm glad you had the chance to do that."
"I think food was what I missed the most," Mick went on, oblivious to the bitter note in Josef's voice. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he wasn't paying attention; he could only concentrate on the sensory memories that were brought back to him.
"It's not just the food," he said, his voice dreamy. "It's the fact that I could feel more. At least, I thought I could. I know there's really no sensory difference -- but I guess it was because I was human and there was this feeling of .... of mortality."
It took him a few moments to realize that Josef had moved off, walking rapidly down a street that they'd just passed without Mick realizing his boyfriend had turned away from him. Frowning, he hurried after Josef, wondering what his lover was thinking.
What had he said now? Mick thought with an inward sigh. It was obvious that something had upset Josef -- and he knew that it had to have been something he'd said. But what could have set him off like this? Mick hadn't seen him look so moody in a long time.
"Josef --" he began, reaching out to touch his boyfriend's shoulder. To his shock, Josef whirled around, pushing him away, his dark eyes flashing fire at Mick. Those eyes had almost started to glow, his fangs coming out momentarily before he controlled himself again.
"Get away from me," Josef snarled at him, stepping back from Mick. "I don't want to be around you. What's the point, anyway? It's not like you can feel me, since you're not human any more. All thanks to me," he added bitterly, fury in his gaze.
"Josef, that's not what I meant!" The meaning of the words he'd said hit Mick with the force of a baseball bat, making him feel as though the wind had been knocked out of him. What the hell had he been thinking of? How could he have been so stupid?
Those thoughtless words had made it sound as though he would do anything to be human again, as though he missed it so much and hated being what he was. And he'd said those words to the person who'd made him what he was.
It didn't matter that he'd literally begged Josef to turn him. It didn't matter that he'd forgiven Josef for what he'd done, even before the act had been committed. All that mattered was that he sounded like he regretted it -- and that he blamed Josef for his actions.
"What the hell does it matter what you meant to say?" Josef muttered, crossing his arms over his chest, his dark eyes stormy with anger as he stared at Mick. "I heard what you said. And I know the meaning behind the words, even if you didn't want it to come out."
Mick shook his head, feeling any control he might have had over the situation rapidly slipping away. "I don't blame you for turning me," he said softly, wishing that he could reach out and touch Josef, take the other man into his arms and hold him. "I never could."
"Sure you don't." There was no mistaking the open bitterness in Josef's tone now; his voice was dripping with it. "You just blame me for taking you away from being human. For making sure that you couldn't feel anything like a human any more."
He fell silent for a moment, then continued, his voice laced with venom; the words pierced Mick's heart and soul and made him wish that he could cry. "Tell me something, Mick. When you make love to me, can you feel it? Or am I just another body to fuck?"
With that, Josef turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving Mick feeling as though he'd been dealt a mortal blow. Had he really made Josef feel like that? Had his selfish, thoughtless words hurt his boyfriend so badly that he could say such a horrible thing -- and mean it?
He couldn't let Josef end what they had like this, on such a note of misunderstanding. He wasn't going to let this man walk away from him; he loved Josef far too much for that. He would hold on to his lover with all of his strength -- even if Josef wanted him to let go.
Mick nearly ran down the street after Josef, stopping the other man in his tracks when he placed a hand on Josef's shoulder. The shorter man turned, flashing his fangs at Mick again -- only to retract them with a gasp the moment Mick pulled him into a hug.
"I'm not letting you walk away from me," he whispered into Josef's ear, burying his face against the other man's hair. "I love you. I've always loved you. Everything I feel, everything I'll ever feel, it's all because of you. You're the reason I'm alive. The reason I live and breathe."
Josef released a deep, shuddering breath, but he didn't put his arms around Mick. Instead, he stood rigid and unmoving in the other man's arms, not saying anything. Mick ached to tilt Josef's face up to his, to kiss him, or just to gaze into those incredible eyes.
But he didn't dare. All he could do now was hold his lover against him, and pray that his words had meant something to Josef. Pray that those words had penetrated the anger and bitterness that his boyfriend must be feeling -- and that he believed what Mick had told him.
"I used to think that the reason I became what I am was so I could meet her and be with her -- Sarah," Josef finally said, his voice choked and strained. "But the second I met you, I knew that was a lie. I knew that I was turned into what I am to be with you."
Mick couldn't speak; his arms tightened around Josef, and he could swear that he felt the memory of tears prickling behind his eyes -- tears that he couldn't cry, but that he could almost feel coursing down his face. Tears that he wanted to set free.
"You were meant for me," he whispered, not caring if anyone might happen to be passing too close to where they were standing and heard the words he was saying, even though they were only mean for Josef's ears. "And me for you. Forever. For eternity."
"Do you feel me when we make love, Mick?" Josef whispered, finally looking up at him, their gazes locking and holding. "Or do you wish you were human and could feel what we're doing like a human would? Is it that awful to be what we are? Did I make a mistake by turning you?"
Mick shook his head firmly, wanting to dispel any doubts that his boyfriend might have before they could take root and grow. "You didn't make a mistake. You might have thought you were turning me so I could save her, but you were really turning me so I could be with you."
"I didn't know that at the time -- but I hoped that was the reason, even though I didn't think you'd ever admit it," Josef told him, his voice still hoarse and strained. "I was so scared that the same would happen to you that happened to Sarah. I was terrified of losing you."
"But you didn't," Mick said softly, gazing into Josef's eyes, wanting nothing more than to kiss him, right here on the street, in front of anyone who might happen to be looking. "And you never will. I'm yours, Josef. And I have no regrets. I never will."
"I knew there was a reason that I wanted to go on after I lost the person I thought I was in love with," Josef murmured, his gaze not leaving Mick's face. "Because of you, Mick. Everything I do, everything I feel -- it's all because of you. And I'm scared of losing that."
"You'll never lose me," Mick said, keeping his voice strong and steady. He made a mental note to try and be a lot more careful when he was working -- after all, he wanted those words to be true. "I'm not like any of the humans you've been with, Josef. Remember that."
Josef nodded, closing his eyes and resting his forehead against Mick's shoulder. Mick tightened his arms around the other man, glancing around them and deciding that he didn't give a damn who might see them -- he had to kiss his boyfriend here and now.
Tilting Josef's face up to his, he waited until the other man opened his eyes again, then lowered his head to capture Josef's soft lips in a kiss that started gently, but became a roaring conflagration within seconds. His hands moved down to cup Josef's ass, pressing their bodies closer.
This wasn't the time or the place for what he had in mind, Mick thought, lifting his head with a smile curving his lips. "Let's get out of here and go home," he whispered, brushing his lips against Josef's cheek. "So I can show you just how much I feel you when we're together."
"I'd like to think that your senses are heightened by being a vamp," Josef told him with a slight frown. "If they're not, then like they say on the internet -- you're doing it wrong. I just might have to show you how to do it right. And that could take some time."
"Then by all means, I think you should show me as soon as we get home," Mick said with a laugh, offering Josef his arm. Josef laughed, taking Mick's arm, letting his boyfriend lead him down the street toward his penthouse, their footsteps quickening with anticipation.***