Title: Two Halves of One Whole
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Carl Hickman/Louis Daniel
Fandom: Crossing Lines
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,650
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Carl Hickman or Louis Daniel, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

***

When had it all started to go so wrong?

Carl raised his head from his hands, looking over at the hospital bed where Louis lay. The other man was still unconscious; he hadn't woken since he had gotten out of surgery. But he was alive, and the prognosis was good. That was what mattered most.

Why had Louis felt the need to go rushing into danger the way he had? He should have known that he might not come out of such a situation alive. He should have waited for them, let the team back him up, let them all go in together.

He didn't need to ask why Louis had done such a reckless, foolhardy thing, Carl thought wryly. He knew. It had been happening more and more lately.

First Louis had lost his son, then his wife. He still blamed himself for both of their deaths; he probably would keep doing so for a long time. He wasn't going to let anyone in to help him assuage his grief; he was going to bear it all on his own shoulders.

Carl's lips firmed into a thin line at that thought.

He damn well wasn't going to let Louis throw his life away. He might try to do it again, but the next time, Carl would make sure that he he was there to stop him. He wasn't going to let Louis throw himself away. He was too good a man to waste his life.

He had tried talking to Louis. They all had. They had all given him the platitudes, the pep talks about his life would go on, how Rebecca and Etienne would have wanted that for him. But Carl didn't think that anyone had gotten through. Louis wouldn't let them.

No, it was time for something akin to shock therapy. Something along the lines of what he had done years ago, when he and Louis had first known each other.

Louis hadn't expected it then, and he wouldn't expect it now. But if resurrecting the past out of the blue was the only way to get through to him and show him that he was still needed -- dammit, still wanted -- then Carl was more than willing to do so.

He was going to kiss Louis again. And this time, he wouldn't back off.

Fifteen years. It had been fifteen years since that first kiss; they had both been much younger then, and though he hadn't known it at the time, Louis had been going through a bad breakup. It had been terrible timing on his part.

He had told himself that the only thing he could do was back off -- and he had. He had backed off so far that Louis had fallen in love with someone else, and had married her. And Carl had been left to nurse his broken heart, unsure that Louis even knew how he felt.

He hadn't told Louis that he loved him. All he'd done was kiss him, without warning. That had been his first mistake. Even then, Louis hadn't liked surprises.

Finding out that Louis was nursing his own broken heart at the time hadn't made him feel any better. And finding out that the love affair Louis had been mourning the end of had been with a man ... .well, that had only driven the mistake home even more.

Now, they were older and wiser. And he wouldn't make that same mistake twice.

This time, he would let Louis know how he felt. He would confess his love, confess that those feelings had always been there, from the moment they had first met. He would apologize for the suddenness of that first kiss -- and then he would kiss Louis a second time.

He was going to break through those walls that Louis was so carefully building around himself. It was time for Major Daniel to stop living in the past.

No, it wouldn't be easy, Carl thought with a sigh. Louis was a damned stubborn man; once he made up his mind that something was best for him, he would stick to his guns. But he would never know if he didn't try, right? He had to at least make the effort.

If he didn't try to bring Louis out of the self-imposed shell he was trying to hide away in, then he would never know if the two of them could have had something. He had already spent fifteen years wondering. He wasn't going to keep wondering for the rest of his life.

He would shake Louis out of his complacency, no matter what he had to do.

Somehow, he would show Louis that the two of them were right for each other. He had felt that they were, all those years ago, the first time that Louis had shaken his hand and smiled at him. He had felt his heart turn back flips when he'd seen that smile.

Louis had only grown more handsome and more desirable with age, Carl thought, a soft smile tugging at his lips. When Louis had approached him about working for the ICC, he'd been struck by how the Major's very presence could still make his heart turn over.

He had tried to turn himself around for the ICC -- no, not for the team. For Louis. He had wanted to show the other man that he had been worthy of his trust and confidence.

More than anything, he had wanted to make Louis proud of him. He knew that Louis considered him a friend; maybe, just maybe, the other man might look at him as more than that. He didn't want to merely be Louis' friend. He wanted to be his lover.

That goal might be within reach, if he kept working at it.

Oh, he didn't intend to exploit Louis' grief. He would never do that. But really, it had been six months since Rebecca's death, over a year since Etienne's. Louis couldn't keep hiding himself in the past; he had to live his own life, not continue mourning two that had been lost.

But somehow, he would find a way to show Louis that he had to look to the future -- and that the two of them might possibly have a future together. He had always thought that could happen, if only he had chosen a better time to express his feelings in the past.

Kissing Louis hadn't been a mistake. The mistake had been not working up to that kiss, not telling Louis how he felt. He wouldn't make that mistake a second time.

They were two halves of one whole. Carl had felt that from the first; he had felt that Louis was attracted to him, that there was something building between them. But then, after that one kiss, everything had all gone to hell in a handbasket.

Genovese had shot him, and his life had spiraled out of control.

Louis had pulled him out of that downward spiral. Louis had saved him. Louis had cared enough to reach out to him, to give him a second chance. Louis had faith in him; he'd done more than anything else ever could to bring him back to life.

He owed Louis so much. He owed Louis everything. Louis had been his rock when he'd needed one to cling to during those first few difficult days of working with the ICC. Louis had been there, guiding him, helping him in a thousand small ways.

And he had failed Louis when he'd been needed the most. Carl lowered his head to his hands again, his face working as he swallowed a sob.

No. He wasn't going to cry. He'd been too close to that in the last twenty-four hours, wondering if Louis was going to live, if he would survive the surgery. But he had, and now it was time to look to the future -- their future, the one he wanted them to build together.

He was going to make this work. Somehow, he would convince Louis that it was right.

No matter what he had to do, he would manage to make Louis give the two of them a chance. He might have been hurt by that long-ago love affair, but it had been over for years. It was time for Louis to move on from that, too.

He wasn't the perfect man -- Carl was more than willing to acknowledge that fact. He was broken in so many ways. But he could be good for Louis, just as Louis was good for him. They could help each other heal. They could each be what the other needed.

He and Louis had always been two halves of the same whole, even if Louis wasn't aware of that yet. But he would be, Carl promised himself. He would be.

He raised his head again to look at the man lying in the hospital bed, pale and weak, but alive. This was only the first time he would keep watch over Louis, Carl told himself firmly. Only the first time he would be there for the man he loved so desperately.

As he watched, Louis' lashes fluttered. He was finally awakening.

Carl swallowed hard, quietly getting out of the chair and moving to the bed. He leaned over Louis, placing one hand on the other man's cheek. Slowly, carefully, he leaned down, hesitating for only a moment; then, he lowered his head to place a kiss on the soft lips of his sleeping beauty.

***