Title: Why Don't You See Me
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,592
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.

***

Los Angeles, 1990

Mick glanced across the room to where Josef stood, talking to a group of men with much gesturing and smiling. He could always tell when his friend was trying to gain ground on a business deal, and it looked as though Josef was achieving his purpose.

These parties weren't really his thing, Mick thought with a grimace, taking a glass of champagne from the waiter who was passing by him with a tray. But Josef had invited him, and he wasn't going to pass up the chance to be around the other vampire.

For the last two years, he'd felt a tug towards Josef that he hadn't been able to deny. He couldn't put his finger on just what it was that drew him to the other man, but he knew that it was more than the free and easy friendship that he'd always claimed it to be.

What did he really feel for Josef Kostan, under that guise of friendship?

Mick tossed back the champagne in two gulps, setting the glass down on a nearby table and keeping his gaze focused on Josef. He wasn't sure of the answer to that question, but it was starting to become more and more clear to him as time went on.

There was something about Josef that was .... magnetic. He couldn't get the other man out of his mind -- or even out of his dreams. He found himself dreaming about Josef, thinking about him at the oddest times -- even fantasizing about him.

What was it about this man that was so damn attractive, that made Mick obsess over him? Mick didn't know, but he was determined to find out. Even if he had to spend all of his time around Josef to come up with the answer -- and ask some uncomfortable questions.

Ah, here was his chance to talk with Josef for a while -- those men he'd been talking to were walking away, and Josef was standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking around the room as though he was searching for someone.

Mick's heart thumped almost painfully, his chest tightening, his breath catching in his throat.

Was it possible that Josef could be looking for him? Would the other man actually have that look on his face at the thought of Mick, that anticipatory look that said he couldn't wait to be by the side of whoever he happened to be thinking of at the moment?

His throat tightened, the words he wanted to say caught there, unspoken. All he wanted was to see Josef turn that look his way, for those eyes to meet his with a mutual understanding, an acknowledgement that he knew how Mick felt -- and that he felt the same.

His attraction to Josef had been building, even in the time that he'd been with Coraline. Yes, he'd been obsessed with her, but there had been an attraction to Josef that he'd tried to tell himself didn't exist, a pull towards the other vampire that he'd had to force himself away from.

Now, he was free to indulge those feelings -- and Mick knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he wanted to. He'd lied to himself for far too long about what his growing attraction to Josef meant, and now it was time to finally take those steps forward.

There was nothing holding him back any longer. He was free, in every possible way. The only thing that still did hold him back was the fact that he couldn't be sure how Josef felt. Maybe that searching gaze that was roaming the room at this very moment wasn't meant for him.

Maybe Josef only thought of him as a friend, even after all these years.

Here I am, Mick called out within his mind to the man standing near the windows, a small smile on his lips. I've always been here. I've always wanted you, even though you didn't know it. I've always been yours, even when I wouldn't admit that.

But he couldn't say those words out loud. Not here. Not now. Maybe not ever. He didn't have the courage, and the one thing that he knew he couldn't bear was seeing Josef turn away from him, to find out that the other vampire had never shared those feelings.

What would he do if he laid his heart bare, and found out that Josef didn't feel the same? Their friendship could never be the same after that, and Mick knew that he wouldn't be able to stay here in Los Angeles and run into Josef time and time again.

It had been two years. Two long years since he'd gotten Coraline out of his life forever, two years that he'd been free to tell Josef how he felt. And only now did he have the courage to face up to his feelings himself -- possibly two years too late for them to matter.

Before he could stop himself, Mick was walking across the room, his eyes meeting Josef's as he moved forward. He felt almost as though he was floating, walking through clouds to reach the other man's side, unable to take his eyes from his destination.

He could swear that he heard Josef's heart skip a beat as their eyes met.

"Hey," he said softly, unsure of what he should say, or even why he was here. "I made it to the party. I'm not really sure why you invited me, but I figured that I'd show up anyway. Just to see you work your magic on a room full of unsuspecting humans."

On the outside, he had no idea of what he should say, of how to start a conversation that would hold Josef's attention at a time like this. Inside, his heart was screaming out to the other man. Here I am. I'm here for you. Because of you.

"Hey yourself," Josef said softly, his gaze locking with Mick's. "I was hoping you'd be here. With all these boring stuffed shirts around, I needed a good-looking guy to ease the monotony. Somebody I can talk to and look at when I need eye candy."

"Yeah? You think of me as eye candy?" Mick couldn't help but smile at those words -- and his heart gave a hopeful leap up into the vicinity of his throat. He hadn't expected to hear that from Josef. Not here, not now, and possibly not at any time.

"How could I not?" Josef said with a smirk. "You're the best-looking guy in this room, Mick."

Mick opened his mouth to make some kind of rejoinder; was Josef trying to tell him something under the flippant attitude, the teasing words. He was standing right here in the front of the other man, but he could swear that Josef's attention wasn't focused on him.

Here I am, he wanted to shout. He wanted to grab Josef's shoulders and shake him, to make this man realize that he was here, at his disposal, ready for anything Josef might want. Here I am. Why don't you see me?

As quickly as it had swept over him, the urge to shake Josef, to get his full attention, was gone. Of course Josef didn't see how he felt. How could he? Mick had never told him how he felt. There was no way he could know. He wasn't a mind-reader.

"Something wrong, Mick? Josef asked, tilting his head to the side, a slight frown on his face. "You look like there's something bothering you. If there's anything I can help with, just let me know." His eyes were searching Mick's face, boring into him, down to his soul.

Mick took a step back -- literally and figuratively. He shook his head, trying to smile.

"Nothing's bothering me," he denied, wondering if Josef could tell that he was lying. "Just not my kind of thing, this party. You know I've never been all that comfortable around these kind of stuffed shirts, as you call them," he added with a nervous laugh.

Josef shrugged, laughing along with him. "Yeah, that's true enough," he said, his gaze moving past Mick to focus on someone standing a few feet behind him. "Excuse me, Mick. I see somebody I've got to go talk to. Hey, thanks for coming. I'm glad you made it."

And with that, he moved off, going to the other man's side and greeting him with a smile and a handshake. Just like that, Josef had moved out of his orbit and on to someone else, leaving Mick feeling shaken to realize that once again, Josef hadn't seemed to really see him.

His shoulders sagged in defeat; he didn't want to turn around and look at the other vampire. He was too afraid that if he did, his heart would be in his eyes, his emotions written on his face. Too afraid that someone else might see those emotions, and understand them.

Here I am. Why don't you see me, Josef? Why?

Without a backward glance, Mick turned and headed for the nearest exit.

***