Title: They both forget, sometimes
By: carolinecrane
Pairing: Jake/Mickey
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: PG
Summary: And we're back to Doctor Who again. Mickey/Jake, natch. I did mention that I'd gotten a little obsessed during the course of this project. This one's longer than the last, at least.

***

The first time it happens, it's an accident. They’ve liberated Paris, just like Mickey said, and they’re both a bit surprised just to be alive. So Mickey doesn’t really mind when Jake grabs him and kisses him hard. But he doesn’t kiss back, and after a second Jake realizes what he’s done. He lets go fast, face turning bright red and stammering ‘sorry’ over and over.

“It’s all right,” is all Mickey says. He knows it’s not about him; it’s about his face, and how much he looks like Ricky. And he’s not an idiot, no matter what The Doctor and everyone back in that other life used to think, so he knows how Jake felt about Ricky and he knows this sort of thing is bound to come up from time to time.

They don’t say much at all for a long time after that, but there’s still the world to save, so they can’t avoid each other completely. Not when they spend most of their time in that bloody van, trying to stay one step ahead of the Cybermen. It takes a while, but eventually Jake stops avoiding looking at him, and after a few days he even laughs at Mickey’s jokes again. When he finally starts making some of his own, Mickey knows they’re back to normal.

Trouble is, they’ve got a lot of cities to save, and every time they manage to stay alive there’s that same rush Mickey felt the first time. They shut down the factory in Berlin next, and after it’s all over he sort of expects Jake to grab him again. When it doesn’t happen he’s not disappointed, he’s just…a bit surprised. He’s not looking for another kiss, but they don’t have to stop touching altogether. Aside from his gran, Jake’s the only one around for Mickey to touch, after all.

~

The second time Jake kisses him doesn’t really count as a kiss. Not like the first time, anyway, because this is just a buss on the forehead when Mickey manages not to get himself killed. Not like the first time counted for much either, what with it ending before it even got started. Of course, he hasn’t lost a lot of sleep thinking about it, but if he had he might be a bit insulted. Mickey looks just like Ricky, after all, and they’re together all the time, so if Jake doesn’t fancy him it must be something to do with Mickey.

Still, they get on well enough, and Mickey only wants to be mates anyway. He’s not that way; at first there was Rose, and then…well, there was always Rose, from when they were just kids. He’s never really thought about anyone else, not really, and now that Rose isn’t in the picture he’s not sure of much. What he is sure of is that he likes Jake, gets on with him better than he expected to at first. He sort of wishes he’d known the version back in his own reality, but he’d been too wrapped up in Rose back then to notice anyone else.

He’s noticing now, notices the way Jake slings a casual arm around his shoulders when he’s in a good mood, notices the way he laughs and the fact that they’ve already got in-jokes. He wonders sometimes if Jake misses Ricky, if having Mickey around is enough or if there are things about Ricky that made him…better. He doesn’t ask, though, mostly because he’s afraid he won’t like the answer.

Instead he focuses on their mission, keeps in touch with Pete back in London and tries to do Rose and the Doctor proud. Some days it’s not hard at all, but there are other days when all he can do is try to keep them both alive. Turns out he’s not half bad at that, which is lucky, because Jake’s a lot braver than he is careful.

Downright reckless is what he is, and Mickey scowls as he grabs the back of Jake’s jacket to pull him out of the line of fire. “Keep your bleeding head down, mate,” he shouts over the gunfire, back pressed against a brick wall and his hand firmly around Jake’s arm to keep him from trying to be a hero.

Jake who’s grinning at him like this is the most fun he’s had in weeks, then he’s leaning in way too close and Mickey’s stomach twists in anticipation. He’s seen that look before and he knows what’s coming, knows he could stop it but instead he just keeps hold of Jake’s arm and waits. One second, then another, and Jake’s even closer, but before Mickey gets to three he shakes his head and pulls back. He laughs sort of nervously and looks away, and Mickey knows what he’s thinking. He forgot again, forgot Ricky’s gone and he’s stuck with Mickey. Good old Mickey, everyone’s second choice. Even his gran calls him Ricky now, because it’s easier to answer to someone else’s name than try to explain to her who he is.

He’s used to being second best. He just thought it would have stopped bothering him by now.

~

They make it all the way to Asia before Jake kisses him again. Pete’s set up a whole network of people fighting the Cybermen, but Mickey and Jake are still his number one team, and they get sent on all the important assignments. It’s not quite the same as driving around Europe in the van, just the two of them against the world, but they’re still together, so that’s what counts.

Japan’s a bit tricky to liberate, but they manage it with the help of Pete’s local contacts. They get shot at an awful lot, and Jake nearly gets himself captured, but Mickey gets to him in the nick of time. It’s just like one of those action scenes in the movies, and Mickey thinks while he’s pulling Jake to safety that if this were a movie, there would be a kiss right about now. And Jake would probably be a girl.

He thinks about saying it out loud just to make Jake laugh, but then he remembers that they have kissed, and Jake probably wouldn’t find it all that funny. So he grumbles something about the daft blonds in his life going around getting themselves nearly killed all the time, and pushes Jake into a waiting car.

He’s still brooding about it hours later, after Tokyo’s been sorted and they’re back in their hotel. Mickey still hasn’t gotten used to walking around without his shoes on all the time; it makes him feel exposed, as though he’s walking around starkers. Jake doesn’t seem to mind; in fact, he seems downright comfortable sitting cross-legged on the floor, bare feet sticking out from under his knees. Mickey tries not to stare at Jake’s feet, but for some reason he’s having a hard time with that.

“What’s wrong with you?” Jake asks when Mickey shifts uncomfortably for the hundredth time, trying and failing to get comfortable enough to enjoy a pint and whatever it is they’re eating.

“Just a bit tired from saving your arse every three minutes.”

As soon as he says it he wishes he could take it back, because he doesn’t want to have this conversation. If Jake wants to get himself killed that’s his business, and Mickey doesn’t have any reason to be upset about it. So he shakes his head when Jake tries to argue with him, mutters something about needing fresh air and goes in search of his shoes.

Whether Jake decides not to follow him because he doesn’t want to argue, or because he just doesn’t care, Mickey can’t say. All he knows is that he stands outside for a bloody long time before he gets so cold he can’t feel his fingers anymore, and when he finally gets back to their room Jake’s already asleep. At least Mickey thinks he is, but as soon as he slides under the covers Jake stirs.

“Feeling better?”

“A bit, yeah,” he answers, but he still sounds grumpy, and when Jake laughs he doesn’t try to suppress his grin. It’s a nice laugh, after all, and Mickey’s gotten used to having it around. He’s gotten used to having the rest of Jake around too, and that’s the whole problem. “Look, mate, I know it’s different for you and me. You and Ricky…well, it was different, anyway.”

“We got shot at a lot less,” Jake says, and Mickey knows he’s trying to be funny, but he doesn’t feel much like laughing.

“Maybe that’s your problem.”

“You think I should get shot at more?”

“Just think you ought to be more careful,” Mickey answers, rolling his eyes in the darkness. “Always running into danger like it doesn’t matter how it turns out. I know I’m not him, but I still need you around.”

For a long time Jake doesn’t say anything, and Mickey starts to think maybe he’s not going to. He tells himself it’s for the best; Jake doesn’t owe him anything, after all, and if he doesn’t want to talk about the reasons for his carelessness, he doesn’t have to. It’s probably not even Mickey’s business, because they’re barely mates and if it wasn’t for the Cybermen they wouldn’t even be that. Jake made it pretty clear that Mickey doesn’t hold a candle to that other version of himself, and even if they get on now, that doesn’t mean Jake likes him any more than he did at first.

“I forget sometimes, you know.”

Mickey’s pretty much given up on the conversation by the time Jake speaks again, and he squints into the darkness at the other bed before he answers. “Reckon it’d be hard not to, given we’ve got the same face.”

“No,” Jake says, and Mickey frowns because he was positive Jake was talking about Ricky. “I mean I forget you don’t feel the same as him.”

About me, he doesn't add, but Mickey hears it all the same. It hangs there in the air between them, and it's a long time before he finally falls asleep.

When he wakes up the room's empty, and he tries not to worry while he gets dressed. He packs his things distractedly, wondering if Jake's fucked off back to London without him. And even if Jake's avoiding him, Mickey knows they'll see each other again. They've still got a lot of work to do, after all, and Jake wouldn't give that up just because he's tired of Mickey. Knowing that doesn't make him feel much better, though, and he has to swallow a sigh of relief when he finds Jake down in the lobby.

"All right?" Mickey asks, and pretends not to notice when Jake's smile seems a bit forced.

They don't talk on the way to the airport, though there are a million questions Mickey wants to ask. Like whether or not Jake feels the same about him as he did about Ricky. That's the important one, really, because if he does…well, that changes things a little. It's one thing if Jake kisses him just because he forgets every now and then that Mickey's not Ricky. Something else entirely if he's kissing Mickey.

He wants to ask, but he's not sure how, so instead he drums out a rhythm against his knee and stares out the window and pointedly doesn't think about kissing Jake. Right here in the back of the cab. Just to see what would happen.

The thought surprises him, mostly because he doesn't know if he wants to kiss Jake because he has feelings for him, or if he just wants Jake to need him. He knows how it feels to be on the receiving end of that kind of attention, because that was how it was with him and Rose, especially in the end. He always needed her more, he knew that. But until the Doctor it didn't really matter, and after the Doctor…well, he doesn't want to do that to Jake. He wonders, though, and he's not sure how else to find out.

They haven't said much of anything since they left the hotel, and by the time they board their flight and slide into cramped seats at the far back of the plane – and Mickey makes a mental note not to let Pete handle their travel arrangements again – the tension's thick. There's a saying about that, but Mickey's too busy trying not to touch Jake to think what it is. There's no room for their legs and arms, though, and eventually Jake's knee brushes Mickey's thigh. Mickey jerks away a bit too fast, his elbow colliding with Jake's arm in the process and when he realizes what he's doing he can't help it, he has to laugh.

"What?" Jake asks, frowning all suspicious and Mickey thinks idly that it looks nice on him.

"Nothing," Mickey answers, then, "mate…"

He turns to look at Jake, hoping to find whatever he's trying to say spelled out on Jake's forehead or something, but instead he just finds Jake, sort of leaning in and looking a little nervous and Mickey can't think of anything to say, so he just leans forward and kisses him.

For a few seconds Jake kisses him back, hand coming up to rest on the side of Mickey's neck and when he makes a funny sound in his throat Mickey's stomach tightens in that way it's never done for anyone but Rose. Well, the Doctor that one time, but he never, ever, ever thinks about that.

What he does think about is the press of Jake's lips against his, softer than he expected but thinner than Rose's. Jake's hand warm against his skin, fingers moving in a funny little pattern that might tickle if Mickey could think about anything except the fact that he's kissing the only person in the world besides his gran who cares whether he lives or dies. And that's the worst part, because if this isn't what Jake's after he loses everything.

As soon as he thinks it Jake pulls back to look at him, and Mickey fights the urge to drag him back. But he's got his pride, and if this is Jake letting him down, then that's what it is.

"Are you taking the piss?" Jake asks, "because if you are…"

"No," Mickey interrupts, his hand coming up to catch the one that's still resting against his cheek. "No, I wouldn't…I mean, I don't know what I'm doing, but I want to do it. Whatever it is. Thing is, it's me, mate. I told you when we started that I'm not him…"

"Have to be pretty daft not to notice that," Jake says, but he's smiling and that must be a good sign. "But you want to be with me. You sure?"

"Figure we're together all the time anyway, why not," Mickey says with a laugh, ducking when Jake swings at him. He catches Jake's hand and pulls him close, and when he kisses Jake this time it's more confident. And his timing could have been better, because they've got a long trip ahead of them. But there's no one else at the back of the plane, and maybe Pete's travel arrangements aren't completely bollocks after all.

***