Title: Til There Was You
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,761
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Mick looked around him with a smile, taking in the night sky and the stars twinkling above him as he walked along. He couldn't wait to see Josef, but he wasn't going to use his preternatural vampiric speed to make the walk to his boyfriend's penthouse any shorter.
He liked these evening walks that took him through part of the city on the way to Josef's building. He liked being able to look around him, to feel that he was a part of the city that he made his home. And he liked having the time to think about his lover.
What had he done at night before he'd had these walks to Josef's apartment to occupy his time? Oh yeah, he'd sat at home and felt lonely and sorry for himself, Mick thought with a wry smile. He hadn't had much of a life then, really. Not one that he'd enjoyed, at any rate.
And for a vampire, that was pretty pathetic, he chastised himself. He had eternal life -- and that life should be enjoyed to its fullest. So he might think that his existence was flawed in some ways -- but at least he wouldn't grow old and die.
He hadn't really accepted that until he had gotten together with Josef. He'd always looked at himself as a monster, beyond the pale, outside the realm of decent existence. He felt that he lived in a shadow world, that his forays into the real world were only temporary.
He'd never really appreciated so much of his existence until the advent of Josef in his life. He had thought he was some kind of outcast, a creature who didn't really belong to the world. Josef had shown him a much different way of looking at who and what he was.
Josef had shown him that existing as a vampire didn't mean being an outcast. Yes, he had to keep what he was a secret from humans; the handful who actually knew that secret could be trusted -- or they'd been threatened or bribed into keeping quiet.
But there was such a large vamp community, and they'd long ago embraced him. It was only recently that he'd found out most of them had been sorry for him, knowing what Coraline was like and what his probable fate would eventually be.
Thank goodness he'd avoided that! he thought, shaking his head. Coraline would have eventually tired of him, and tried to do to him what he'd done to her. He'd simply escalated the process -- and turned the tables on her when she'd gone around the bend.
Her later entrance back into his life had been cut short -- and he couldn't say that he was sorry for it. He felt badly that she had fallen back into the hands of someone she obviously mistrusted and feared -- but he had to leave her to the fate that had been decreed for her.
No, Coraline had given him no comfort for being what he was. She had only made him feel that he was a monster, outside the realm of any other creatures other than his own kind. She had always set herself apart from others -- even above them, in most ways.
Josef might think that vampires were above humans in some ways, but he wasn't one to bring about their willful destruction. Coraline might have changed over the years, but her part in his life was history. They no longer belonged together -- and Mick didn't think they ever had.
Until Josef had taken over his thoughts and his life, he'd resigned himself to the fact that he would always be alone. Beth had only been a blip on the radar; he'd been as lucky to escape from her clutches as from Coraline's. Neither of them had been worth his time.
But Josef Kostan had burst into his life like a shower of sparks from a comet; even though he had always been there, as Mick's friend, the knowledge that he loved Mick had come as something of a shock. He hadn't expected that, not from a man like Josef.
No, he hadn't expected love -- but it was what he'd found, and he wasn't going to let it go. Until he'd met Josef, there had been little enough love in his life, even though that bitch had professed to love him. But he had always known, in the back of his mind, that he was fooling himself.
She had only wanted what he could give her, just as Sarah had only wanted the same from Josef. The two of them had been deeply wounded by having their hearts betrayed, but they were mending those wounds with each other. And maybe that was how it should have always been.
He had always belonged with Josef. He should have known that from the first time they'd met, when they had been introduced to each other and Mick had felt a stirring in his heart unlike anything he'd ever known. He shouldn't have run away from that feeling.
If he hadn't, did that mean that he and Josef would have been together sooner? Would it have saved him from years of loneliness, years of feeling like an outcast, knowing that he would never belong to either world he found himself caught between?
Because he might as well face it, he told himself with an inward sigh. He wasn't really a part of the vamp world, even though he obviously had friends there. He kept himself away from the intrigues, the petty fights, the inner workings of their universe.
And he wasn't part of the human world, either. He might try to be -- mainly because his job made dealings with humans imperative -- but other than that brief foray back into a human existence such a short while ago, he would never be human again.
Did he really want to be? The question almost made him stop in his tracks, his eyes widening. If he was completely honest with himself, the answer was no. If he was human again, he wouldn't be able to spend eternity with the man he loved -- and that would be a tragedy.
He didn't want to go back to being human. He wanted to stay with Josef, to hold the other man in his arms every night, to wake up every morning next to him. He wanted to love Josef Kostan not only for one single lifetime, but several. He wanted to spend forever with Josef.
Until real love had come into his life, he'd been empty. He hadn't let anyone get close to him; that was why he hadn't been able to completely open himself to Beth, even though he'd told himself time and time again that he should try. Now, he was glad that he hadn't.
She'd been no better than Coraline -- only wanting to use him for her own selfish ends. But Josef was so different. Josef didn't want anything from him -- other than his heart and his love. And those were two things that he would willingly give this man.
Until there was Josef, he hadn't really trusted anyone, either. Coraline's perfidy on the night that she had turned him -- their wedding night -- had killed whatever trust was in him, not just for her, but for anyone. It had taken a long time to have that trust restored.
But Josef had done it. Over the years that they'd known each other, first as friends and now as lovers, Josef had given him so much. Asking for Mick's love in return had taken him a while, but now that he had given his heart, Mick knew that he would never ask to have it back.
What would he have done without Josef in his life, from the first time they'd met? Josef had been there to pick up the pieces every time Mick had fallen apart, starting when he'd first found out what he was and had recoiled in horror from that realization.
Josef had been a friend and mentor, a guide into the world that Mick had to learn to live in now. And he'd been something of a stern mentor at times -- but that had been what Mick had needed. He'd learned to be strong, even though he'd never lost his love for humanity.
Now, though, he didn't want to return to being human. He'd left all that behind him when he'd turned for the second time -- at Josef's hands. He didn't want to go back to being less than he was now -- because it would mean not having eternity with the man he loved.
He'd made his choice before that second turning, even though he'd said aloud that he was doing it for a different reason other than the real one that he felt in his heart. But Josef had understood -- and maybe he had even guessed at the real reason for the turning.
Until he'd been turned for that second time and had later found the courage to tell Josef how he really felt, he'd never known true love. But now that he'd found it, he would never let that love go -- and he had forever to prove those words.
Even though the two of them hadn't been together long, he already felt completely comfortable with Josef -- more so than he'd ever felt with anyone else he'd claimed to love in the past. Josef was a part of him, in a way that no one else could ever have been.
This was his first true love, the first time that he'd felt completely at peace with who and what he was. Until the two of them had come together, he'd never felt that peace. He had Josef to thank for that -- and for so much else in his life that he didn't know where to begin.
Mick couldn't help smiling as he approached Josef's building, his steps quickening with anticipation. In just a few more minutes, he would be with the man he loved -- right where he belonged, and the only place that he would ever want to be.***