Title: Without the Night
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,731
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Mick's eyes flew open, wide with terror, a gasp coming from his throat. He started to sit up so quickly that he bumped his head on the lid of the freezer that he always slept in when he was at home alone before he quickly pushed it open.
Raising a hand to his head, he winced and closed his eyes, trying to push the sudden pain from hitting his head to the back of his mind along with the nightmare that had awoken him so precipitately. He was still trembling from the memory, the images fresh in his mind.
Josef being held down, raped .... and beheaded. And himself standing there watching, paralyzed, unable to do anything to save the man he loved. All he'd been able to do was scream, a long, drawn-out sound that had seemed to penetrate the night for miles around.
He shook his head to clear it, climbing out of the freezer and reaching for the jeans that lay crumpled on the bed. He wouldn't have a bed in here if it wasn't for Josef being in his life .... Without Josef, his life would be so much emptier, devoid of light or love.
No! That dream wasn't true, he told himself sternly, shaking his head again as he pulled his jeans on and went to the bureau for a t-shirt. He was safe at home, probably fast asleep in his own cold chamber. There was nothing wrong with his boyfriend; Josef hadn't been hurt.
But he wouldn't know that for sure until he went to the penthouse and saw for himself. He needed to be with Josef, to touch him and hold him, to take the other man into his arms and be reassured beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was all right.
He was being paranoid, Mick told himself, sitting down on the bed to put on his shoes. Josef was fine. He didn't really need to go over there. He'd probably be laughed at by his boyfriend when he showed up in the middle of the night, looking so worried.
That wasn't going to make him sit here and wonder, though. He couldn't call Josef; it would be even more ridiculous for his lover to get a call on his cell phone at .... what time was it? he thought, looking over at the clock on the bureau.
Two in the morning. It was two o'clock in the morning, and instead of sleeping, which he'd told himself he was going to do alone tonight, he was having horrible nightmares and worrying about his boyfriend, to the point where he was going to his lover's home because of that worry.
It was unfounded. It had to be. But now that the idea was in his mind, he couldn't stop himself. He had to see Josef. He had to know that the man he loved wasn't in some kind of danger, even if Josef laughed at him and said he was being silly.
Bounding down the stairs, Mick picked up his jacket from where he'd tossed it over the back of the couch, pulling it on as he headed for the door. There was nothing to keep him from going to Josef's penthouse. He would make up some excuse for his paranoia when he got there.
Funny how when he slept in the daytime, these kinds of nightmares didn't happen, Mick told himself as he locked the door of his apartment and headed down the hallway for the elevator. They only attacked him at night, when he shouldn't feel so vulnerable.
Without the night, there wouldn't be any nightmares. But he shouldn't feel at a disadvantage in the dark; he'd become a creature of the night long ago, and he should be able to embrace that darkness and use it to his advantage, not let it throw horrible dreams at him.
Maybe he was still more human than he thought, he told himself wryly, stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the lobby floor. The darkness held a fascination -- and a certain kind of fear -- for most humans, and he'd been not exception when he was one of them.
He'd never really been afraid of the dark. But there had been times when it made him uneasy, made him feel as though he couldn't protect himself from anything that might come at him out of the velvety pitch blackness.
He was feeling like that now, which was ridiculous. There was nothing coming after him -- and even more importantly, there was nothing skulking in the shadows waiting to attack Josef. His boyfriend wasn't in trouble; Josef wasn't in any kind of danger.
Then why did he have this foreboding feeling that he had to see Josef and make sure that nothing had happened to him? Why was there a gnawing at the back of his mind, an urgent need to be with the man he loved? Was it just paranoia -- or something more?
Mick had never been one to believe in fate. But there was something more than just a nightmare driving him towards his lover. The feeling that Josef needed him, that he had to be with the other man, pushed him forward, through the lobby doors and out into the street.
It only took him a few minutes to reach the building where Josef's penthouse was with his preternatural vampire speed; he stood looking up at the tall edifice, knowing that Josef was in there, sleeping in the cold compartment that all vampires called at bed at some point.
He sighed, unwilling to go in now that he was here. He'd have no problem getting in; the night watchmen for this building were used to him coming and going at all hours of the day and night. They would let him in with no questions asked.
But now that he was here, he felt a reluctance to disturb Josef. He didn't want his boyfriend to think that he was being too paranoid, or be annoyed that his rest had been broken into. There was obviously nothing wrong; maybe it would be best if he simply went back home.
And then what would he do? Go back to sleep? Sit up for the rest of the night reading a book, or looking at silly things online? There was a lot that he could do, but none of it appealed to him. He only really wanted to do one thing.
He wanted to go into that building, up to Josef's penthouse, and wake his boyfriend up. He wanted to take Josef to bed, to make love to him for the rest of the night until they lay sated and exhausted on the silken covers of Josef's bed, their bodies entwined.
He wanted to be with Josef. That was what had woken him. That was what the nightmare had been trying to tell him. He belonged here, with the man he loved -- not more than twenty blocks across the city in his own apartment, clinging to what he called his independence.
Why hadn't he simply sublet his place and moved in with Josef already? Then there would be no more of these nightmares, no more feeling that he needed to be near Josef. He'd already be there, in the same room with his lover, even if they were sleeping in a deep freeze.
There was no reason for him to be on his own. He knew where he belonged, even if he didn't want to admit that he should be living with his lover already. That was really what this was all about, wasn't it? His own fear of making that commitment of living together.
He was afraid of taking that final step into commitment -- but the nightmares seemed to be pushing him further towards that step. And what was he so afraid of, anyway? He was already committed to Josef. He would be with this man for the rest of eternity.
It was so stupid for him to be hanging on to his own apartment, to be spending his nights away from Josef. He should be there now, with his lover wrapped safely in his arms. Then no nightmares could get through to him. They wouldn't need to.
Without the nights spent away from the man he loved, those nightmares wouldn't come to him. It was his own fault that they attacked him when he least expected it; he should have made the decision long ago to be with Josef in every way, not just in his heart.
Was it his imagination, or could he see a glimmer of light at the living-room picture window of Josef's apartment? He frowned, wondering if his boyfriend could somehow sense that he was here. He wouldn't be the slightest bit surprised if that was so.
Yes, those nightmares wouldn't come to him without the night -- but they also wouldn't come if he was living here, if he could be with his boyfriend every night and know without any kind of doubt that Josef was safe, that they were together.
It was past time for him to take that step. What did his so-called "independence" matter, if it was going to give him nightmares about his boyfriend's safety and send him running over to Josef's apartment any time he felt the least bit worried about the man he loved?
This had been coming for a long time -- he just hadn't wanted to see it. He'd wanted to hang on to the past, and it was stupid to do that. The past was behind him; Josef was his future. He had to throw himself into their life together with no reservations, and no regrets.
With a wry smile, Mick shoved his hands into his pockets and headed into the building. He'd be with Josef in a few minutes -- and he was going to tell his boyfriend something that he was sure the other man would be happy to hear him say at last.***