Title: Lose Your Way
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Josef Kostan/Mick St. John
Fandom: Moonlight
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,777
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Josef Kostan or Mick St. John, unfortunately. Please do not sue.***
Los Angeles, 2008
"I'm so sorry about the other night, Josef," Mick said softly, looking over at where the other man sat on the couch, a few feet away from the chair he himself was stretched out in. "I know how hard it was for you to turn me. But there was nobody else who could do it."
"There were plenty of people who could have done it." Josef's words were dry; he shook his head as he lifted his glass of blood and drained the contents. "But I was the only one you felt safe with, I know. I just kind of wish you hadn't asked me."
"I'm glad I did," Mick told him softly. "I have no regrets. I might miss being human sometimes, but I'm glad you turned me. Not because of the reasons I gave you at the time, either," he hastened to say, seeing the hurt expression that flashed across Josef's features.
"You seemed pretty adamant that you wanted to be turned back so that you could save her," Josef said, looking into the depths of his glass rather than at Mick. "I know you well enough to know that you say what you mean. So I didn't have any illusions about why you wanted it."
"I might think I know my own mind -- but I don't always know my heart," Mick said, his words soft and husky. In the blink of an eye, he was out of his seat and across the room, kneeling in front of Josef and taking the crystal wineglass from his boyfriend's hand.
"Josef, I thought when I asked you to turn me that I was doing it because I wanted to save her," Mick whispered, taking the other man's hands in his. "That's what my mind was telling me -- and that's what I wanted to make myself believe at the time."
Josef didn't answer; he looked down at Mick's hands clasping his, and then back at the other man. But he didn't pull his hands away, and Mick took that as a good sign. He took a deep breath, not sure how to continue, letting the words pour out.
"I wanted to be turned again so I could spend the rest of eternity with you," he said softly, his blue gaze not leaving the other man's face. "It took me a while to face up to the fact that I wanted to be with you -- that you've always been the one, ever since I was first turned."
"You were the one I wanted even before Coraline turned you," Josef whispered, looking down and not meeting Mick's direct gaze. "And now that I've got you, I keep feeling that it's so tenuous, what we have between us. That you could change your mind about us anytime."
Mick shook his head, feeling frustrated. "Josef, I'm not going to do that! I know it might have seemed like I was wavering between you and her for a while -- especially with not wanting her to know that I was seeing you -- but that's over. I know what I want. I know who I want to be with."
"Are you sure, Mick?" Josef's voice was quiet, and Mick knew from experience that his boyfriend could be the most dangerous when he sounded calm and rational. That was when his emotions were running at their highest peak. "Have you really thought about what being with me means?"
Mick swallowed hard, then nodded. "Yes, I have. I know that being with you means being together for all eternity. I know that when you die, I die. I know that I'm a part of you, and vice versa. And I know that's what I want. I want to spend eternity with you, Josef."
"That's not what I mean." Josef shook his head, sighing. "I mean that being with me means that you have to accept the fact that I don't live in the way you do. I kill people, Mick. Not always, but I have to do it in a business sense. And I don't always drink blood from a blood bank."
Mick nodded, taking a deep breath. "I know that. And I accept it, Josef. It's part of who you are -- and I love you. You're not perfect, but neither am I. I'm not going to condemn you or berate you for what you do when I could pretty easily do it, too."
Josef's worried look eased; Mick stood up and pulled the other man to his feet, then into his arms. He closed his eyes, breathing in the warm, tangy scent of Josef's skin. He could stand here with Josef in his arms for the rest of his life. Or at least for the next several hours.
"I might have lost my way when I was with her, Josef, but you've always been the one," he whispered, his arms tightening around the man in his arms. "I always wanted you, even though I had a hard time admitting it. Most of all to myself."
"I had a hard time admitting to myself that I wanted you, too," Josef told him, sighing. "Do you know how hard it was to tell myself more than fifty years ago that I wanted to be with another man? It wasn't exactly widely accepted to be gay then, y'know."
"It's not always accepted now," Mick pointed out, smoothing Josef's hair back from his face and gazing into his lover's eyes. "There are probably going to be people you do business with who're going to back off when they find out you're involved romantically with a guy."
Josef shrugged, a slight smile quirking his full lips. "And you think I care about that? It's not like Kostan Industries is going to lose a lot if a few homophobes pull out of investing. There's always more people where those came from -- people who're more open-minded."
Mick nodded, relieved that he'd managed to get his boyfriend to smile. "I'm sorry that I made you feel like I only wanted you to turn me so I could be with somebody else," he whispered, raising a hand to cup Josef's cheek. "I never meant to hurt you."
Josef sighed, shaking his head. "It's not like you were thinking rationally at the time," he said, his voice low, looking away from Mick again. "It just .... hurt to think that you were using me to benefit her, and that you'd never be with me as long as she was around."
Pulling Josef close against him, Mick closed his eyes, his emotions welling up inside him. "I'm sorry that I lost my way for a while, Josef. But I would have gotten back on the path to you eventually. I swear I would have. I've always known that you were my destiny."
"We all lose our way sometimes," Josef told him, his own arms sliding around Mick's waist. "And it's water under the bridge now, anyway. Besides, even if you'd kept losing your way, I'd still have been here. No matter how much it hurt. I couldn't have left you."
"You would have gone on being my friend and being close to me even if I'd stayed with her, wouldn't you?" Mick murmured, pulling back slightly to lock gazes with Josef. "You'd have stayed close to me even though it hurt you to be around me and know I wasn't with you."
"I couldn't have done anything else," Josef whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Y'see, I kind of lost my way, too. Back when I first met you. I thought that I was on the path to being alone forever. But you .... you changed all that. I was glad to follow you and lose my way."
"I think you'd lost your way when you had made up your mind that you were going to be alone," Mick told him, his voice lowering to a seductive octave. "The right path was always the one that led to us being together. It just took you a while to find it."
"I used to think that the reason I'd lived so long was so I could find Sarah," Josef murmured, his words barely audible; Mick had to strain to hear them. "But it was really so I could find you and be with you. No one else has ever been more than a blip on the radar for me. Not even her."
"Sounds like we both lost our way for a while," Mick said, his heart feeling as though it had swelled in his chest. He'd never loved Josef more than he did at this moment, when the two of them were standing here locked in each other's arms, baring their souls openly and honestly.
"I guess we did," Josef said softly, his dark gaze not leaving Mick's face. "But I think we can make up for that, can't we? After all, we've got eternity to do it." He laughed softly, his arms tightening around Mick's waist and pulling him closer.
"And if either of us happens to lose our way again, the other is going to be there to get him back on the right path," Mick whispered, his lips so close to Josef's mouth that they were almost touching. "I'll make sure of that, Josef. I'll never let either of us stray."
"I don't ever want to stray," Josef answered, his voice strained. "I don't want to lose my way, Mick. If I do, yank me back onto the right path, will you?" he asked, raising his head to look into Mick's eyes. There was real fear in the depths of that dark gaze. Mick could read it.
"I'll never let either one of us lose our way again. I promise," Mick breathed, lowering his head to capture Josef's lips with his own. One hand ran down the other man's back to cup his ass, pulling Josef close against him, molding their bodies against each other.
He would never lose his way again, Mick vowed as his lips devoured Josef's. And he was sure that Josef never would, either. They both knew where they belonged -- and he was positive that neither of them would ever have any reason to stray from the path that they were walking along together.***