Title: Call and Answer
Author: martyred-wings
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: For episode 4x20
Disclaimer: I own none of the characters involved, that honour goes to Eric Kripke. Title and lyrics included are taken from "Call and Answer" by BareNakedLadies which I also do not own, except on CD. :D I make no money from this, it's purely for entertainment purposes.
Summary: Dean watched Castiel leave the place, feeling a sense of loss at the angel's departure.


If you call I will answer
and if you fall I will pick you up
and if you court this disaster I"ll point you home
I'll point you home

I lay awake in Bobby's living room, listening to the ticking of the clock hung upon the wall above my head. The rain was falling softly against the windows, usually a sound that pulled me under into dreamless sleep, but not tonight. The rain didn't help, wasn't working. I was still awake. Thunder growled loudly outside, and lightning flashed, brightening the room in bursts and flashes, which didn't exactly help me to relax.

Sam was still in the panic room that Bobby had built and had been there for a couple days now. Neither Bobby nor I knew what to do about my brother yet. I should have been thinking about that right then if anything, but I wasn't.

I found my mind wandering over the events of a couple days ago, of Jimmy Novak, his family, but mostly of Jimmy. He'd been a nice guy, I'd liked him and I thought of how he'd sacrificed himself for his daughter. I tried not to think of Castiel's parting words to me, of not serving Man, of not serving me - they were too painful.

My mind wandered over the thoughts of Jimmy and the way he'd been eating that night like he hadn't eaten for months. Okay, so that was an understatement - the dude really hadn't eaten for months ...

I thought again of the look of pleasure on Jimmy's face, the way he'd rolled his eyes up to the ceiling as he enjoyed his sandwich, of the little noises he'd made as he ate. I smiled slightly as I thought of the way that his eyes had closed in almost orgasmic pleasure as he chewed, lips pouting out, his cheeks filled out with bread and sandwich filling and the way he'd sucked on the straw of his milkshake, cheeks hollowing out with the force of his sucks.

I closed my eyes, and groaned slightly, as I felt myself grow hard at the thought of Jimmy, of the way he ate and drank. I groaned again, thinking that this couldn't be happening, this was a guy I was thinking about, but I couldn't stop the way my thoughts were headed. The memories to me, right then, were as much of a turn on as anything else I had been turned on by in the past; maybe more so. Like it or not, the erection was there, getting painfully hard as the thoughts still kept playing in my head.

"Oh, God," I murmured, dealing with the situation the best way that I knew how.

I reached down and gripped my own weeping erection in slightly trembling fingers, stroking firmly and keeping the picture of an eating Jimmy in my mind, strokes becoming tighter, firmer, more erratic the closer I came to release. I thought once again of the way Jimmy's lips pouted around the milkshake's straw, before I came, shouting Jimmy's name before I could stop myself, before shouting for Castiel in the next breath. To me, the thought of Castiel right then was as much of a turn on as Jimmy eating.

"Those are both my names, yes, Dean," came a familiarly gruff voice from beside me. "What are you doing?"

"Holy SHIT!" I yelled, sitting bolt upright on my mattress upon the floor, turning wide eyes upon the angel sitting next to me.

Castiel turned innocent blue eyes upon me, blinking slowly in the dim light broken only by the lightning outside.

"CAS! What the freaking hell are you doing? You trying to give me a heart attack or what?" I asked him, reaching out to push him away but pulling back my soiled hand just in time before I could touch him. "How long have you been there, dude?"

"What were you doing, Dean?" the angel persisted, ignoring my question as usual, tilting his head on one side in that endearingly infuriating way that he had about him when he didn't understand something.

"You just don't give up, do ya?" I asked, slumping back against my pillow and closing my eyes, feeling an uncomfortable blush reddening my cheeks in embarrassment.

I felt like I had just been caught with my pants down at the wrong moment. Well, technically I had; by a freaking angel of the Lord.

I cracked an eye open to stare at the angel with a half hearted glare of anger, but I couldn't make it hold. Secretly I was glad that the angel was there, sitting beside me, despite current circumstances. No matter how many times I'd grown angry and uncomfortable with the angel's presence, the way he invaded my personal space at times, and the way I'd felt with the last words he spoke to me, secretly I'd missed him.

I sighed when I saw that Castiel was still staring at me patiently, waiting for an answer.

"I was doing something that humans have to do sometimes," I said, reluctantly. "You know, in private."

Castiel almost smiled at that, and I got the feeling that maybe he was deliberately trying to make me feel uncomfortable.

"I heard my name, while you were having sex with yourself," Castiel said, his eyes crinkling at the corners the way I'd noticed Jimmy's had done when he was smiling.

The angel was amused. The freaking angel was actually amused by this.

"Cas, I swear I'll swing for you in a minute, if you don't shut up," I warned him. "I don't care if you're a freaking angel ... "

Castiel looked up towards the ceiling, large blue eyes catching the lightning, reflecting it in little bursts of light, and reflecting off his face, reminding me once again of how he was not human. He was still smiling slightly, lips curled up at the corners and his eyes crinkled in amusement. I could not tear my gaze from him, feeling my cock give a very interested jerk at the sight he made beside me.

It was then that I realized just how much I wanted Castiel, just how much I loved him. I didn't think it was just worship of an angel love either. It was something more than that, something I hadn't admitted to myself since the moment I'd met him. Perhaps I hadn't wanted to admit to it before, but now I was. I loved Castiel, and all that he stood for, and I always had. It came as a sudden relief to finally admit it, even if it was only to myself.

"I know what you were thinking of, Dean. I just wanted to say it was alright," Castiel said softly.

"What?" I asked him, not really understanding where this was going now.

Castiel looked down on me with such love right then, such angelic concern, my heart, I swear, skipped a beat. I watched, unable to tear my gaze away as he leant forward, breath hitching hopefully in my throat as he pressed soft lips to my own. My eyes fluttered closed, and I kissed him back, bathing in his very presence, feeding from his lips, his angelic beauty bathing me, blessing me, cleansing me with purity. I wanted this, welcomed this, wanted Castiel, and I didn't want the kiss to end.

I laced fingers in his hair, pulling him closer, probing at his mouth with my tongue, begging with little mewling sounds for him to let me in. Castiel surprised me, by parting his lips slightly, allowing me to explore his mouth with my tongue. His tongue gave mine a few exploratory licks before he pushed it into my mouth, exploring it as hungrily as I did his. The guy caught on quickly, and boy, was he a good kisser.

My erection was rock hard by this time, straining against my boxers, and I gasped out a curse when I felt Castiel's slightly cool fingers slide down my body to close around my cock firmly. I bucked my hips into his palm, urging him on with actions and encouraging noises, wanting the friction, wanting release.

Castiel broke the kiss, to stare down at me with wondering eyes, as he began to slowly stroke me, and I closed my eyes at the agonisingly slow pleasure of it.

I whimpered his name, begged him not to stop, to just please go faster, and he did, quickening his strokes, his grip firm and unrelenting, as I thrust into his waiting palm, moaning out little grunts of pleasure as I did so.

I could still feel his gaze weighing heavily upon me, but I didn't look at him. Right then I couldn't, didn't want to, not yet. All I wanted to do was relish the feel of his hand upon me, making me feel safe, wanted, loved, like I hadn't been before.

I felt the familiar tightness begin in my abdomen, and I didn't even try and fight it, just went with it, giving myself over to orgasm, shouting out Castiel's name, as I released myself helplessly onto him, thrusting until I was spent.

I laid back, eyes staring blindly up at the ceiling, a satisfied smile on my face and Castiel's name still heavy on my lips. And then I knew - this was where my life had been leading to all these months - I'd wanted this for my own as much as I'd wanted anything in my life before. I wanted Castiel. I was in love with an angel.

I hadn't realized I'd spoken out loud until Castiel responded with an - "And I you!"

I lifted my head from the pillow, in sudden confusion, until I back tracked, wondering just what it was I had said to him. And then I remembered.

The words I'd spoken were - I love you.

I'd just told Cas that I loved him. I hadn't meant to say that out loud - at least not yet. It took a few moments before my brain caught up and Cas' own words back to me finally sunk in - that he'd told me he loved me back. I hadn't believed that it would be possible for him to love me at all, and the thought meant a lot to me, more than he could ever know.

"There's no shame in that, you know," Castiel assured me, gazing down on me with those beautiful eyes that seemed to look soul deep at times.

I couldn't break away from that gaze, not even when I nodded at him.

"I know, Cas," I said, quietly. "I know. Just promise me something, will ya?"

Castiel levelled me with his intense gaze once again and his head cocked to one side, which I assumed was his gesture meant for me to ask away.

"Don't leave me, not again. I can't take it if you leave," I said, finally turning away from him to hide the single tear tracking it's way down my cheek slowly.

I felt the mattress move slightly beside me, as the angel laid down next to me, warmth from his body heating me slightly as he settled down beside me.

"Of course not, I will be here until morning," he said.

"That's not what I meant, you feathery bastard!" I said, the tears leaking into my voice now and turning the tone thicker than normal. "You left me. You said you didn't want to serve me."

"I was made to say that Dean. You don't know what would have happened to me if I hadn't," Castiel said, quietly. "You don't know what they already did to me."

"Then why are you here now?" I asked him, finally turning to face him, a bit thrown off balance by the closeness of that perfect blue gaze and kissable lips.

"I can't stay away from you, Dean, not even for Heaven," he said, never dropping his gaze from mine. "Besides, I heard you call, so I answered."

I had to laugh at that, despite the tears, before I said - "I wasn't exactly calling ... "

Castiel chuckled then, the first time I'd ever seen him properly laugh.

"I know. Still, it was worth the visit," he said, his chuckle turning into a soft smile now.

I had to laugh at that, before I asked - "What did they do to you up there, Cas?"

The angel looked away, eyes downcast, lips puckered in painful memories.

"I can't tell you, Dean. Not yet," he said, his voice pitched low, as though in pain.

I could well understand that. I'd been through a similar pain with Hell, after all. It had taken me some time before I opened up to my own brother.

"It doesn't get any easier, does it?" the angel asked me, sombrely. "Life, I mean."

I couldn't lie to him, so just said - "No."

We lay there for a while, not speaking, before I finally broke the silence.

"You're gonna be here in the morning, aren't you?" I asked again.

"I'll be here as long for as you want me," came Castiel's reply.

No more words were needed, no more words exchanged, as I settled into the crook of Castiel's waiting arm, draping my arm around his waist in a comforting hug. I didn't know whether the comfort was for my benefit or for his, so settled for both.

Castiel's eyes closed for a moment, face upturned to the ceiling as though he was gathering strength, before he turned to face me once again. He didn't say anything more, just pressed a soft kiss on my forehead, and I drifted to sleep held in his arms.

As promised, the angel was still there in the morning, but he was gone before Bobby came down to cook breakfast. I didn't tell the hunter of my late night visitor. That little secret was best kept between me and the angel.

At least I knew now though, that if I called, then Castiel would now answer me. If I fell, he'd pick me up and point me home.  That thought alone was a great comfort to me, right when I most needed it ...