Title: Halloween Apocalypse
Author: martyred-wings
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: slash, Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: none
Warnings: crack!fic, randomness in fic form.
Word Count: 866 words
Summary: In which nothing much happens and Lucifer wears stilettos and a little red dress.

***

The night was dark, quiet and still, despite the fact it was mid afternoon and an extremely sunny day. It was Halloween and there were children trick or treating on the streets, going from door to door, setting their pet shark on the people who didn't offer up their treats quick enough. The whole street was in panicked disorderly order with limbs littering the pavement, and that was just from the resident zombie who lived in number 666 and a half.

Dean and Castiel watched the children with some amusement, waiting for any to stroll close enough by so that the angel could steal chocolate from their treat bags without the kiddies noticing. He shared his stolen goods with Dean, stealing chocolatey kisses at every opportunity. Sam was standing off at a distance, admiring his hair and throwing hamburgers at the squirrels, because they looked well fed already.

Nearby a cat walked past, as drunk as a skunk after painting the town red all night, still carrying a half empty bottle of Jagermeister in one trembling paw, while yowling a song about a pirate and a ninja sailing off together in a pea green boat before they danced under the light of the moon, the moon, the moon, they danced under the light of moon.

Nearby a fight started out between a middle aged house wife and a child after said housewife said she'd kill for a taste of the child's cake and a scuffle soon ensued when the child refused. The kid won with the aid of a nearby fire hose that belonged to the turkey that lived on the hill and also some bright pink sticky back plastic in the shape of Paris Hilton.

Dean nudged Castiel as a small woman, accompanied by her friend attacked Sam, hitting him in the chest with her elbow, before screaming - "I LOVE YOU!" - clear in his astonished face. Both of the women then proceeded to walk away as though nothing had happened, leaving Sam standing there, running his hand through his hair in confuzzled confusion, before he went back to throwing hamburgers at the dolphin that lived in the duck pond.

The peace and quiet of the neighborhood was soon broken by a flock of birds slowly descending two by two, hurrah, onto the ground in front of Castiel, flapping their wings and staring with their beady black-brown eyes at the suddenly fearful angel. They pecked at Castiel's feet, begging with harsh words for a share of his chocolate, before starting on Dean's feet when they realized the hunter had hidden a stolen Twinkie bar in his pocket.

Dean screamed loudly in much the same way as he did in Yellow Fever when he saw the cat in the locker; this time he sounded even more like a girl than he did before. Sam came running, still rubbing his chest where he'd been elbowed randomly, scattering the birds with deftly thrown French Fries, therefore saving Castiel and Dean's bacon with potatoes and meat based products in the form of a sauce laden hot dog splattered down on the boss bird's back.

Castiel and Dean were so grateful to Sam, they let him watch as they kissed under the mistletoe, despite the fact that Christmas still was two months in the future, and there wasn't even any mistletoe available then anyway, as Lucifer had eaten it all in a bored fit of hunger, just to spite his vessel. He was fed up with possessing the wrong man after all.

Finally, Sam, Dean and Castiel decided to go back to the motel room, because they were bored, and there wasn't enough going on in the park anyway, despite the fact that a full blown alien invasion complete with laser guns was happening just meters away. Dean and Castiel were too wrapped up in each other to notice there were hordes of sticky green aliens rampaging past them, smelling like a bed of roses and just as thorny.

Sam was too busy pouting and pulling bitch faces over his still aching chest to pay any attention either, not even when his left ear got singed by a stray laser beam. Lucifer was hanging around nearby, wearing a bright red dress and a pair of blue stilettos to kiss the pain away anyway, so Sam was well catered for and soothed instantly.

All three of our intrepid heroes climbed into the Impala, little suspecting that Lucifer was now hitching a ride in the trunk, cackling evilly and eating a pizza for no apparent reason other than he wanted some garlic bread afterwards, and a hot toffee sundae, after that.

When they got back to the motel, they found that things were just as boring at their room, but at least they found something to watch on the TV, when they switched it off and found that an old Charmed episode was playing with someone who looked remarkably like a younger version of Castiel starring in it.

And so, all were happy, even Lucifer who was now hiding under the bed, humming a refrain from Phantom of the Opera and drumming his stilleto clad heels in time with his singing.

-fini-

***