TITLE: Nightmares, dreams, brothers and all
AUTHOR: magnolian_lily
RATING: R or NC-17, I'm not sure where one draws the line
PAIRING: Sam/Dean
SUMMARY: Maybe Sam was asleep and having a nightmare? "Ahh," Another moan ruined Sam's fantasy. Wasn't a nightmare, then. Sure felt like one, though.

***

Sam hated nightmares. Alright, so, yes, he did guess that most of the people hated nightmares, but still, he wasn't most of the people. One couldn't call his nightmares normal either. Not that anything in his life could've been called normal. Everything was too twisted to be normal. Too twisted to be anywhere close normal. So, yes, Sam hated nightmares.

Seeing your dead girlfriend in nightmares? Was quite normal, no? Well, if you had seen her burst in flames and all. Was quite fine, right? Seeing your dead mother? Was less fine if you had never seen her in your conscious life. But it was still more normal than seeing the rest of things Sam saw. Disturbing didn't quite describe it.

Sleeping was scary. Sam would never admit it, of course not, especially not to Dean, but he was scared of going to sleep in the evening. Nowadays it was the only thing that really scared Sam. Sleeping. Pathetic, yes, but true. Sleeping was scary. Dreaming was cursed.

Dean always slept like a baby. Sam couldn't understand how his brother could do that. Why didn't he ever seem to see any bad dreams after their daily job. Sam wished it would be like that with him. He wished that what they saw daily wouldn't haunt him even when he was supposed to rest. But it did and he couldn't do anything about it.

So Sam tried to sleep as little as possible. He went to sleep long after Dean did and got up long before his brother. Sam didn't sleep more than three hours a day. He just couldn't. If he could choose? He wouldn't sleep even those three, but it was hard to convince your body that it didn't need rest.

Sam wasn't sure if Dean didn't know or just pretended he didn't. Either one was fine with Sam, he didn't want to be asked about it and Dean didn't. He probably knew. Dean seemed to always know what was going on in Sam's head. Sam did never quite manage the same with Dean. But he did try. Oh, he tried so badly.

Dean was a hard person to understand. He just didn't open to anyone, including Sam. Never. It was strange, but understandable. At least Sam guessed so. It should be understandable, after all they did have strange lives. You couldn't trust many people if any, still, Sam trusted Dean. More or less.

Watching his brother helped. A little. In both trusting and understanding. It was hard not to trust someone who slept like a baby. And Dean really did. Sam would know - he spent most of his night watching his brother sleeping.

Sleep scared Sam, it did. Still, he found no better way to relax than watching Dean sleep. His brother looked perfect with his body fully relaxed. No stress. No thoughts. No nothing. Maybe dreams. Sam betted that Dean saw dreams.

He sometimes whispered in his sleep. Nothing particularly interesting, but Sam still liked listening to his brother sleep talking. Sometimes Dean mentioned things they had seen during the day, but never in a tone that would show that it was a nightmare. Never. Sam always felt jealous.

"Love you so much, baby," Dean's voice resounded in the quiet hotel room and Sam nearly jumped. The words seemed to have so much meaning. Sam had never heard Dean saying he loved anyone. Never really heard the word ‘love' coming out of his mouth at all. And even know it was only a dream.

Sam wondered to whom Dean would say that. Strange, Sam had never thought of Dean really loving anyone. Yes, he knew that Dean loved his family but it still felt... strange. Baby. You didn't say that to someone you loved with family kind of love, right? So who had Dean meant? Sam felt intrigued. And somewhat jealous.

He shouldn't. He knew he shouldn't, but he still did. Dean could love whoever he wanted and Sam wasn't allowed to care. Wasn't allowed to be jealous over that. So why was he?

Brothers and all.

"Mmm," Dean moaned in his dream and Sam's eyes instantly focused on Dean's hand that was slowly moving over his body. Touching himself. A sex dream. A sex dream about someone Dean loved. And called ‘baby'.

Maybe Sam was asleep and having a nightmare?

"Ahh," Another moan ruined Sam's fantasy. Wasn't a nightmare, then. Sure felt like one, though. Except for the fact that Sam was getting turned on by this. By watching his brother slipping his hand in his pants. Being asleep.

Sam wasn't allowed to be turned on by it. He wasn't allowed to want to touch Dean as his brother touched himself. He wasn't allowed to think how it would be if Dean would be touching Sam instead. Or it would be Sam's hand slipping inside Dean's pants. So why did he?

Brothers and all.

Sam closed his eyes, wishing his arousal would leave. No luck there as Dean let out another moan. This was wrong. So twisted and so wrong. Normal people didn't do this. Normal people didn't get turned on by their brothers getting themselves off. But then again... Sam was not normal.

What would it change? Dean was asleep. He wouldn't know. Maybe he wouldn't even care. Besides, all Sam wanted to do was help. That was fine, right? Right?

Standing up, Sam walked over to the bed, slowly sitting down, carefully, not to disturb his brother. Wouldn't want him to stop. No. Sam knew he himself should stop. He knew he should. But he didn't.

He reached out, replacing Dean's hand with his own. Pushing his hand up and down his brother's erect cock. Dean was asleep. Asleep and moaning. Whispering the words of love now and then. Sam hated that. Hated that Dean was thinking of someone else... loving someone else... while Sam was doing this. Hated that his brother wasn't thinking of him.

Another moan and Sam's hand was covered with a sure sign he had succeeded at pleasuring his brother. Done well too as Dean was still asleep. Some dream that must've been.

Slowly, Sam removed his hand from his brother's pants. Carefully not to wake him. This would be hard to explain. Sam leaned closer to Dean, pressing a light kiss against his brother's lips. It was wrong and he shouldn't, he knew, still, he did. What did it matter anymore?

Brothers and all.

Standing up once again, Sam started to walk to bathroom to get himself clean. And take care of his own hardness. He stopped dead in his tracks however when he heard his brother whisper in his sleep once more.

"Love you, Sammy."

Maybe Sam hadn't been so wrong after all.

***