Title: Can You Dance, God, Like Me, Dean Winchester?
Author: martyred-wings
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Mr Eric Kripke. I make no money from this - this is purely for entertainment porpoises (and dolphins).
Genre: crackfic, parody, humor
Summary: A parody of a scene in Are you there, God? It's me, Dean Winchester, mixed with a scene from Yellow Fever written for a spnwriterlounge Saturday Picture Perfect challenge.

***

Dean Winchester awoke slowly from where he lay sleeping on a mattress, on the floor of Bobby's living room, hearing the sounds of heavy flapping of wings coming from nearby. He blinked slowly into full consciousness, slowly bringing into focus the sight of a familiar tan coat wearing figure leaning up against a cupboard in Bobby's kitchen.

He got to his feet, groaning slightly as his joints popped with the sudden movement. He padded silently across the room, as quietly as he could so as not to wake Sam where he still lay sleeping on Bobby's couch.

"Excellent job with the Eye of the Tiger dance," was the first thing that Castiel said to Dean, eyes boring into the hunter's with vague intensity. "I was made aware of the situation. I watched the end of Yellow Fever."

"Well thanks a lot for the angelic assistance," Dean said sarcastically. "You know I almost fell off the roof of my Impala!"

"But you didn't," Castiel said calmly. "I thought you did a good job. I'd like you to teach me how to do that dance."

"I thought angels were supposed to be guardians," Dean retorted to the angel, brow furrowing in consternation. "Fluffy wings, halos… you know. Michael Landen. Not dancers."

"Read the Bible," Castiel replied, still as calm as ever. "Angels are warriors of God. I'm a dancer."

"Yeah? Then why didn't you join in with my dance?" Dean asked, looking truly puzzled by the angel‘s words.

"I'm not here to perch on your shoulder, or to dance wantonly on your car," Castiel said. "We had larger concerns."

"Concerns?" Dean questioned, looking more and more puzzled the longer this conversation continued. "There were people laughing at me down here! And by the way, while all this is going on. where the hell is your boss, huh? If there is a God."

Dean was starting to be convinced that this was all some weird-ass dream, that Castiel really wasn't here, asking him to do the things he was asking of him. It didn't make sense, none of it made sense.

"There's a God," Castiel said firmly, as though there really was no argument against it.

"I'm not convinced," Dean replied, with a small shake of his head at the angel. "Cause if there's a God then what the hell is he waiting for? Genesis? Micheal Jackson roaming the earth? Freaking Apocalyptica playing Metallica with their cello‘s? At what point does he lift a damn finger and dance with the poor bastards that are being laughed at down here?"

"The Lord dances…" Castiel began, but Dean interrupted the angel.

"If you say mysterious ways, I swear I will kick your ass," the hunter said, angrily, scowling at the angel in a moody fashion.

Castiel remained silent, threw his hands up into the air and caught them again. Dean looked a little surprised at that.

"So Bobby was right. About you bearing Witness to my Eye of the Tiger dance. This is some kind of sign of the apocalypse?" Dean questioned, leaning in a little closer to the angel before him.

"That's why we're here," Castiel replied, with the smallest of nods. "Big things afoot."

"Do I wanna know what things?" Dean asked.

"I sincerely doubt it. But you need to know," Castiel replied, with an almost dismissive little shrug. "The Rising of the Witnesses to view your Eye of the Tiger dance is one of the sixty-six seals."

"I'm guessing that's not a show at Sea World," Dean said with a derisive little snort at the angel.

Castiel took no notice of Dean's words, merely continued talking. It seemed as though the angel was good at ignoring sarcasm.
 
"Those seals are being broken by Lilith," Castiel told Dean, quietly.

"She did the spell," Dean realized. "She made you bear Witness to my dance."

Castiel nodded at the hunter, never taking his eyes from Dean‘s.

"And not just here. Twenty other hunters had to dance too," he informed Dean, solemnly.

"Of course. She picked dances that the hunters couldn't perform, so that you would barrel right after us, and be forced to watch us" Dean realized, eyes going wide and his cheeks slowly blushing pink with embarrassment.

"Lilith has a certain sense of humour," Castiel replied, with a small nod of acknowledgement.

"Well, we put those dances back to rest, then. Make sure we never do them in public ever again," Dean vowed, eyes narrowing in determination.

"It doesn't matter, the seal was broken," Castiel said, looking a little defeated by his own admission.

Dean asked the angel then why she would even break the seal, and Castiel said in reply - "Think of the seals as locks on a door."

"Okay – last one opens and - ?" Dean asked, eyes narrowing at the angel before him as he struggled to understand where this conversation was going.

Castiel turned to look at him, gaze pinning Dean with it‘s intensity.

"Lucifer walks free," he told Dean, his tone menacing and ominous.

Someone, somewhere laughed like Dracula.

Dean stared at him for a moment, taking no notice of Dracula.

"Lucifer. I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at Demon Sunday School. There's no such thing," he said, shaking his head at Castiel.

"Three days ago you thought there was no such thing as me," Castiel replied, with a winning smile. "Why do you think we're here, walking among you now, for the first time in two thousand years, watching everyone do silly dances?"

"To stop Lucifer," Dean realized, large green eyes blinking in sudden realization and satisfaction that had nothing to do with anything.

"It's why we've arrived," Castiel confirmed, with a little tap dance of horror.

"Well. Bang up job so far," Dean snorted, rolling his eyes at the angel, who rolled them back. "Stellar work bearing Witness to my dancing. It was nice knowing you were watching me, probably laughing. Why didn‘t you join in if you wanted to?"

"We tried," Castiel said calmly, with a little shrug. "There are other battles, other dances, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose, some we‘ll dance. This one, we lost and didn't join in. Our numbers are not unlimited and we can‘t all dance, sadly."

He walked closer to Dean, closing the distance between them and invading Dean‘s personal space. Thankfully Castiel smelled nice, so Dean didn't mind.

"Six of my brothers died while trying to dance in the field this week. You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around and try to emulate your dance? There's a bigger picture here," the angel said, without blinking.

He leaned even closer to Dean, looking as though he were about to give the hunter a nice little kiss, and Dean began to look uncomfortable, pulling back, pulling away. He didn't think this was the time for Castiel to give him a kiss. Maybe later would be more appropriate.

"You should show me some respect, and teach me how to dance," Castiel continued. "I dragged you out of Hell, I can throw you back in."

Dean blinked, unable to believe just what was going on.

"Okay, I'll teach you to dance to Eye of the Tiger. All you had to do was ask," he told Castiel, in disbelief.

"Same time tomorrow?" the angel asked, looking hopeful, eyes boring into Dean's once again.

"Okay, same time tomorrow," the hunter agreed, blinking slowly at Castiel.

He blinked again, heard the steady flaps of Castiel's wings, before opening his eyes five minutes later to find that the angel had gone.

As he wandered back to the mattress still laying on the floor, he wondered if Castiel really would show up tomorrow for his dance lesson ....

fin.

***