Title: Falling Down
Author: shadowofcastiel
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: characters are not mine - they belong to Eric Kripke - I'm merely having fun with them.
Summary: The story title is taken from a song by Atreyu, entitled Falling Down, a few lines from which are included. Castiel questions himself, and discovers the answer, all along had been Dean Winchester ...


You 're looking over your shoulder
Staring down the path
I'm falling down, falling down, falling down ...


Castiel had watched humans for many millennia, growing close to no one, remaining neutral, impartial to everything, only coming down to smite whenever he was needed to, whenever it was deemed necessary.

But since being assigned to drag Dean Winchester from Hell, pulling him from Perdition and burning the Hand of God into Dean's tender flesh, he started to have doubts, he had fears, even questions, that he didn't have before. He'd told Dean once that he wasn't the "Hammer" as Dean had him pegged in the human's head. In fact, Castiel felt anything but a hammer, right now. He felt ... incomplete somehow - like something was missing. He would say that it almost felt like he'd forgotten something, but he was an angel of the Lord - angels never forgot a thing.

When Dean asked him a certain question one day, he realized what it was he was missing, the thing he had forgotten. His own faith, the ability to love and be loved.

It hadn't been all fighting and wars with Lucifer - once upon a time, he'd been revered for what he was - an angel, something worthy of respect, of devotion, and where had all that gone in recent times? The thought alone made him suffer.

Strangely he didn't feel suffering, didn't feel pain when in Dean's presence. In a way, the angel thought that maybe he had found a kindred spirit, that maybe Dean felt the same way about humanity as he did. In Dean, he'd found ... sanctuary ... Dean could almost be his salvation. Castiel often wondered where these feelings would lead him, whether that would mean he would fall. Did that mean so very much to him, the way that he felt right now? At this point in time, the taciturn angel really didn't think so.

"Cas? Cas! Hello? I asked you a question? Where were you - away in freaking cuckoo land or something?" Dean asked, for once getting in Castiel's personal space.

Castiel didn't step away - he needed, no, craved Dean's presence right then - he even found the human's presence a comfort. He almost reached out to him, then, touched Dean's face, just to feel some kind of affection back from the hunter. He did not know what Dean's reaction would be to such forwardness, so restrained himself with a certain degree of difficulty, staying his hand with some effort.

Dean didn't notice his struggle, or was just ignoring it at the present time.

"I was merely reflecting on life, Dean. The many complexities of life, which I sincerely hope you do not have to suffer. I won't allow it," Castiel said, softly, as he cocked his head on one side to regard the hunter with almost puppy like curiosity.

"Yeah, sweet. Now would you mind answering the question?" Dean asked, licking his lips, slowly, green eyes boring into Castiel's blue ones.

Castiel couldn't stop staring. Once again he stopped himself with some difficulty from reaching out and kissing the hunter, kissing him until they were both breathless.

"Question, Dean?" he asked, with far too much innocence considering the inner turmoil, the tension he felt right then.

"Yeah, the question. When's your birthday, assuming angels even have birthdays!" Dean said, still not removing himself from the angel's personal space.

Now, all of a sudden, Castiel realized how Dean must feel when the angel himself imposed on the hunter's personal space, and he wondered briefly on how the hunter even stood the tension. There was enough in the air to drown him, to pull him under and he wanted to do something about it, to act, yet still he restrained himself.

"My birthday? I don't think I have a birthday, Dean. I am over 2000 years old - I hardly think it is time now to celebrate something which I do not have!" Castiel said, with a slight smile.

"You must have been born, Cas! Unless you were ... what? Created? In that case - let's have a Creation day party for you!" Dean said, staring intensely at the angel.

"Why is this so important to you, Dean?" Castiel had to ask. "Why do you want to do anything for me at all? No one has ever bothered before - no one has bothered for a very long time."

Castiel's eyes fell at that, looking down to the floor, in a downcast expression that really only touched on how he truly felt. He couldn't put into words how he felt - the emotions were too vast/ Words would do them no justice.

"Everyone needs a birthday, Cas. I'll treat you to a meal, how about that? Would you like a meal?" Dean asked, softly, almost as though he was talking to a child.

The angel was anything but a child, but still did not take offense.

"Why?" Castiel asked, raising soulful eyes up to Dean's briefly, before looking down again at the floor.

"Why not?" Dean countered.

Castiel almost smiled at that - a brief uplift of the corners of his mouth that Dean could barely miss.

"I would like that, Dean! A meal would be nice!" he said, quietly.

"What do you like? What does your vessel like? Do you even know?" Dean asked, looking down at the angel's chosen vessel with an appraising eye. If there was a little too much heat in the hunter's gaze, it wasn't lost on the angel and he smiled again, a little brighter at that. Maybe all the emotions he was feeling right now wasn't as one sided as he feared.

"I don't know - I have not had much cause to eat. I don't know what he likes!" the angel murmured.

"Cas .... never mind. I'll take you to get some pizza. Can't go wrong with pizza. And if you're good, you can have pie, afterwards!" Dean said, with a hint of a smile.

Castiel started getting the notion that Dean was teasing him, and he started smiling slightly back. Dean's eyes smiled before he did, but still he did not step away. Castiel was tempted to close the distance between them himself, but was too wary too try. What if he was wrong? What if Dean was repelled, rejected him? It was only then that the angel really, truly realized how much he wanted Dean, to have him as his own, to truly know him.

His eyes shifted to the side, feeling uncomfortable, lips half parted but saying nothing. Dean gripped the angel's shoulder, before he said - "Are you ready? Sam won't be back for quite some time. you know what he's like in the library - once you get him through the doors, you can never get him out again!"

Castiel nodded wordlessly, suddenly not trusting his own voice to speak, fearing it would show up his inner struggle.

If this was what it felt to fall, then was there no better way of doing it than with Dean?


Dean watched Castiel as the angel ate his pizza, eyes half closed in pleasure as the cheese, the tomato, and every other topping imaginable flooded the angel's mouth. It seemed as though the vessel had liked pizza very much, judging by the look in Castiel's deep blue eyes. He even had pizza sauce around his mouth, unnoticed and Dean had the urge just to lean over and wipe it off for him.

He blinked at the thoughts assailing his mind right then, wondering why he was even getting them. They seemed to ha[[ening with alarming regularity of late - yet the hunter felt at peace with them all the same. Even though a part of him was screaming that this was a guy he kept thinking about - but still ... it just seemed right - like there was some sort of connection there that could never be broken.

Castiel's soulful eyes looked up and caught Dean staring at him. Castiel stared back, and for a moment ... one brief and fleeting moment .... Dean almost caught something that very nearly echoed his own thoughts.

Surely not ....

Dean sat back, licking his lips again, but never took his eyes from the angel. Castiel continued to watch Dean closely even as he continued to eat his pizza.

To break the silence, Dean said gruffly - "You have sauce around your mouth, Cas!"

Castiel's tongue darted out, trying to capture the stray sauce without much success, and Dean stifled a laugh. Really, the angel had looked ... Dean shook his head when the word adorable sprung immediately to mind. He huffed in amusement, before picking up a napkin and wiping the sauce away for the angel gently, almost reverently. Castiel never took his eyes from Dean's and Dean felt a faint stirring in his groin at the contact.

Jeez ... he was getting turned on by an angel.

"Thank you, Dean!" Castiel said quietly, before he resumed eating his pizza.

Within a few minutes, he had finished, settling back in his seat to wait.

Dean watched him before asking - "Don't you ever take that damn trench coat off, Cas? Aren't you hot in here?"

"Do you wish to see me without my coat?" the angel predictably asked.

God, yes ... Dean thought, but merely said, with a struggle - "Yes!"

Castiel gave one of his slow nods of acquiescence, before removing his coat as requested, revealing more of his dark suit than had been seen before. He didn't look like Castiel somehow, without his coat, the dark suit looked better, suited him more than the colour of the trench coat before it.

"Dean, you're staring!" the angel chided, but without any real rancour.

"I'm sorry ... " Dean just about forced out, completely entranced by the angel by now.

The stirrings in his groin grew stronger, and to take his mind off it, he called the waitress over to order some pie. He felt a little perturbed when the waitress, normally his type, elicited no response at all from him. All he could think about was a certain angel sitting but a few feet away. He scrubbed at his face, then ordered two slices of apple pie, one with custard, one with cream. He figured Castiel was a cream man.

He studiously didn't look at Castiel again until the pie arrived, but he felt rather than saw, the angel watching him. Dean groaned inwardly - a groan of need rather than anything else right then.

God he was so in trouble right now ....


Castiel watched Dean, marvelling at the way the lights above him caught the hunter's eyes just right, making them seem a much brighter shade of green than normal. He ran his tongue over his lower lip, still remembering how it felt to have Dean wipe the sauce away. He half considered letting the cream drip down, just to have Dean do it again - but would Dean take the bait?

Maybe in his current state he would ...

And so Castiel tried it "accidentally" dripping the cream down his chin, down the front of his shirt and Dean's eyes looked haunted as he leant forward to wipe the cream away.

Castiel cocked his head on one side, before asking - "What's the matter?"

Dean cleared his throat before saying - "Nothing, Cas, eat your pie!"

Castiel hid a smile as he chewed slowly on another forkful of pie, letting the cream work its magic upon his senses. He discovered that his vessel had liked cream, very much and the pleasure seeping through him from such a simple act as eating cream was driving him mad. He'd never known anything like this before, had never known anything could taste this good, and he had a sudden image of licking the cream from Dean's chest. He closed his eyes at that but too late. Too late.

Dean had seen him, had no doubt guessed at his thoughts, because Dean suddenly stood and said - "Get your coat, we're leaving!"

"Dean? Did I do something wrong?" Castiel asked, head cocked to one side again, eyes wide in his too innocent face.

"Oh, no, Cas, you've done everything right, I'd say. Now get your coat, we're leaving!" Dean said, his voice tight, as though he were struggling to keep his voice steady right then.

Cas nodded, and quickly crammed the last piece of pie in his mouth, before grabbing his coat and following Dean to the cashier to pay .....


Dean didn't even wait until he'd gotten back to the car. He grabbed Castiel by the arm as soon as they had stepped out of the pizzeria's front door, pulling the angel down the alley next to the pizzeria, before fumbling for a kiss. His attempt was lousy, but the intent was clear. Castiel's responsiveness was just as clear, and did not go lost upon Dean. Dean grinned, then leaned in again, slower this time, catching Castiel's lips just right, and kissing him softly, hands laced in the vessel's dark hair, as Castiel responded eagerly, hungrily.

Dean broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against the angel's, eyes closed as he gasped for air.

"Dude ... tell me you felt that!" he said, quietly. "And don't say what? for Christ's sakes!"

"I felt ... something Dean. Something good," Castiel replied, giving a straight answer for once.

Dean let out a breath he hadn't even been aware of holding, before he pressed a kiss to Castiel's lips again. The angel turned into him more, lips soft against Dean's own, hands gripping Dean's waist, as a wing tip brushed Dean's face lovingly.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut at the contact, shuddering in pleasure at the feel of it, wanting more, wanting the wings surrounding him, touching him, comforting him. He pushed Castiel against the wall, pinning him there with his strong body and Castiel looked up at him with such trust in his eyes, Dean almost broke.

He tried not to think any more, merely to feel, as he slipped hands under Castiel's jacket, dragging on his shirt, puling it free from the vessel's pants, in one fluid movement that surprised even him.

He reached down and rubbed Castiel's cock through his pants, making the angel moan in pleasure and squirm against the brick wall behind him.

And then Castiel's strong grip was on his shoulders again, and the brief flutter of wings announced their flight, before BAM! The pair of them were back in the motel room, which was thankfully empty of Sam shaped bodies. Dean felt right then he'd seriously hurt Sam if he'd been there. He wanted Cas, wanted to take him, wanted his wings surrounding him and making him feel safe at last, like he hadn't felt in such a long time.

He grabbed Castiel roughly and pushed him on the bed, and Castiel actually laughed - a real belly laugh - the first time that Dean remembered him doing that in the short time he'd known him.

Dean grinned back, before he said - "Oh, so you like it rough, then, do you? Okay!"

Castiel was still grinning and Dean thought that that for such a nice grin, it didn't see the light of day often enough. If Dean could make him smile more often, then he would make sure it happened.

He reached forward and unbuttoned Castiel's pants, pulling them off with help from the angel himself, before Cas fumbled at his own shirt, after pulling his tie over his dark tousled head. Dean stood back and watched him, marvelling at the way the light caught the vessel's eyes, making them light up, shine happily in the gloomy room, and Dean wondered how much of it was actually a trick of the light and how much of it was the angel inside. And did it really matter either way? The effect was still enchanting whichever way you looked at it.

When Castiel was sitting there in nothing more than his boxer shorts, he turned his expectant gaze up to Dean, eyes turning puppy like again, in the only way Cas could do them.

Dean hastily pulled his T-Shirt over his head, pushing his jeans off in one healthy movement, before he sat beside Castiel, bare legs touching, Castiel's skin surprisingly warm to the touch. Dean had always imagined Castiel to feel cold, but maybe he was getting confused with the cold, yet beautiful light of Castiel's true angelic nature. He'd seen but brief flashes of Cas' true beauty, and it was truly stunning. He wanted more, but did not want to lose his eyes for it.

He leant forward again, kissing the angel desperately, claiming him for his own, as surely as Castiel had claimed him from the start. He explored Castiel's mouth with his tongue, tasting apple pie and cream and something that was all Castiel, that Dean responded to, grew hard for, and he moaned in pleasure at it.

He pushed Castiel roughly onto the bed, making another laugh erupt from Castiel's body, before he trapped him there, straddling him and sitting on Castiel's legs firmly. He didn't think Cas would even try to escape, but still ...

He licked suddenly dry lips, before pulling Castiel's boxers free, losing them somewhere on the floor, didn't know where, didn't even care. All he saw was Castiel in all his naked glory and he was gone - lost forever to Castiel. He'd never thought he could find the male form beautiful, but Castiel truly was - perfection personified, and his for the taking, his willing partner for the night. He grew hard at that though - a fact that didn't escape Castiel, who reached up, slowly taking Dean's boxers down, making sure he brushed Dean's cock with his hand as he did so. Dean moaned, and gritted his teeth at the contact, wanting more, but knowing too much would spell an early release, and he didn't want that - not yet anyway.

He released Cas from where he sat upon him, to stand, and to pull his boxers the rest of the way down, kicking them from his feet, paying no heed to where they landed. Castiel watched him, soulful eyes turned hungry, as he watched Dean's naked form closely. The hunter felt such a rush of desire right then - certainly something he'd ever felt before - at least in that intensity, and a moan escaped his lips at the rush of it. Castiel sat up properly at that, coming forward slowly, eyes never leaving Dean's, before they were downcast, and then Castiel lips closed around Dean's throbbing cock, , taking all of him into his mouth and Dean groaned loudly at the warmth surrounding him. He threaded fingers through the vessel's hair, encouraging the angel with small moans of pleasure as Castiel worked him over with lips and tongue and teeth. It crossed the back of Dean's mind - only peripherally as Dean was enjoying himself too much - that the angel was really good at this - well, for a freaking angel - but the hunter soon forgot this thought when his orgasm took him into release, shouting Castiel's name as he came, gripping the angel‘s shoulder tight. The angel bore it without complaint, eyes half closed, lips half parted, as Dean's finger dug in.

Slowly, Castiel stood, licking his lips just as slowly as he got to his feet, eyes clouding with lust as he stared at Dean hungrily, erection pressing into Dean as the angel brushed against him. Dean closed his eyes, lips half parted as he felt Castiel's wings enfolding him, caressing his bare back with feathery softness as Castiel ran warm hands over Dean's chest.

Dean leant into the angel wrapping firm hands about his waist and leaning into the angel's touch, feeling so safe, warm and protected like he hadn't felt in such a long time, if he ever had at all.

Then he opened his eyes and said to Castiel - "Will you fall because of me?"

Castiel gave a slow blink, before saying - "No, I do not think so."

"How can you be so sure?" the hunter inevitably asked.

"Because to deny oneself something you covet is the far greater sin than to indulge in it," Castiel told him.

Dean nodded, then said - "I'll pretend I understood that, Cas!"

The angel merely smiled, and brushed a wingtip across Dean's flushed cheek, revelling in the way Dean's lips parted at the contact, repeating the gesture until Dean moaned. The angel pressed home his advantage, pushing Dean face down onto the bed, and Dean made no protest against the sudden movement, merely went with it. The angel leant down, planting a kiss soft upon the back of Dean's neck, before spitting on his own hand, running his hand over his own cock and groaning at the contact.

Dean half turned, but Castiel pushed him back down again, humming in pleasure at finally having command over the willing hunter. Dean cried out when Castiel entered him, equal parts pleasure and pain, but still Dean did not protest. It seemed as though the hunter wanted this as much as Castiel himself did. The angel thrust into Dean hard, wings spreading across the room, echoing his movements, and occasionally trailing across Dean's bare skin, causing Dean to cry out every time. Castiel continued to thrust into the hunter, eyes closed, lips parted, his true angelic self starting to leak out, lighting the room as he came closer to his climax. He covered Dean's eyes with one wing to protect the hunter's eyes from his true nature, for to burn his eyes out now would be punishment, when all that was required now was pleasure - for both of them.

Dean was thankful for the make shift blindfold, despite wanting to see Castiel's true beauty, but was soon lost in the feelings f bliss coursing through him, as the angel, his angel took him. He gave himself over to orgasm, shouting Castiel's name, and tightened around Castiel's cock. It was as though this one action pushed the angel over into his own orgasm, for he gave himself over to it completely, shouting for Dean, then saying something in an ancient language only he could understand.

The angelic light faded, drawing back into the vessel, leaving the room dark, seemingly foggy, but Castiel's wings remained, or at least the shadowy impressions of them did. He withdrew from Dean, slumping down on the bed beside him, sweaty, exhausted but feeling sated.

"Cas?" Dean said, quietly, voice slightly muffled by the blankets he had his head laid upon.

"Yes, Dean?" Castiel replied, still breathing heavily from his exertions.

"Do you know how long I've waited for you to do that to me?" came the hunter's next question.

"No, how long?" Castiel asked, feeling stupid even asking, but feeling compelled to anyway.

"Too long," was Dean's response. "Now don't withhold that from me again!"

Castiel watched Dean, wondering if perhaps Dean was joking, but seemingly he was not. He inclined his head to Dean, in affirmation.

"I would not dream of it," came the angel's grave response.

"Good," Dean said, before falling silent.

Castiel fell silent too, staring up at the cracked ceiling, and all he could think was the words - falling down. He was falling down, not in the literal fallen angel sense, but falling down in the falling in love sense.

It was only now that he realized what he'd been missing was found in Dean Winchester. He truly loved Dean, and had found his salvation in him ....