Title: He Gave You Style, He Gave You Grace
Author: clockstopper
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: This is actually pre-slash Dean/Castiel, which is kind of bizarre. Warnings: Here's where I'm frank. This fic straddles the line of crack!fic. While our little corner is considerably blasphemous, I like to think I took it a step further with this fic. If the idea of God saying curse words and dude and being a yenta for gay love sits wrong with you, this may not be the fic for you. But remember, it's not really God. I made him up and affectionately used the working title Stoner!God (he's not really a stoner) fic for this story. Yeah, something is really wrong with me.
Word Count: 4,700
Summary: Dean, Sam, Cas and their allies defeat Lucifer and God decides it's time to tell them it was a job well done.
A/N: Quick note, I totally stole the description of God from Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. They were talking about Jesus, though, so I guess that's different.

They kill Lucifer.

It’s a lot more dramatic than that simple statement makes it sound. There’s this epic battle where hunters from all over the world came and fought against Lucifer’s deadliest allies. There’s even Crowley and a few of his demon buddies and a few of the angels that were in Anna’s corner that decided even though their leader was dead, they’d help out.

Gabriel’s there too. Dean still can’t get over that.

The battle is fierce. It rages on for what feels like days and Dean’s pretty sure he’d almost been killed at least three times, but he did it.

They did it.

Lucifer is dead.

Dean’s sort of just staring at the corpse of Lucifer’s vessel. He kind of feels bad for the guy, but he had to know what he was signing up for when he said yes to being the devil’s meat suit. Although, it’s probably just as possible the guy didn’t know and that’s just kind of sad.

But him being dead— Dean thinks Cas once called him Nick— means that Lucifer is dead.

Lucifer’s dead.

“So… anyone else feel like this should’ve been… bigger?”

Gabriel rolls his eyes and Cas frowns. It’s the confused frown that means I have no idea what you’re talking about. Not to be confused with his sad frown that means I’m sad, though I’m not entirely sure if that is the appropriate emotion for what I am experiencing, could you perhaps explain it to me, Dean. Sam’s frowning too, but his frown means he kind of agrees with Dean.

There should be an explosion or something when you kill the devil.

Instead there’s just a dead body. Well, there are a lot of dead bodies and Dean is not looking forward to cleaning up that mess. Detroit at least looks like a war ground.

“I…I mean he’s dead. That’s… that’s good,” Sam says.

“Yeah, no, killing Lucifer good. I just…”

“Please tell me you were not expecting his body to turn into ash and then just float away in the wind,” Gabriel says.

Dean glares at him.

“No, I just…”

There’s probably no good way to describe the odd feeling running through Dean’s body. Lucifer’s dead and Sammy wasn’t his meat suit and the world isn’t going to turn into Stepford paradise. Everything Dean’s been fighting for has come true and Dean just feels…

“It’s disappointing,” Sam says.

Cas’ frown deepens.

“You are disappointed that Lucifer is dead?”

Sam pulls a face.

“No, I mean… it’s this huge thing we’ve been fighting against for what was apparently our whole lives and now it’s… it’s over. It’s just… over,” Sam says.

“Well, we could burst into song. You know, where do we go from here?” Gabriel says.

Dean frowns.

“Dude, what’s with the Buffy references?”

Gabriel shrugs.

“It was a great show.”


“Yeah, whatever. I’m not the one that feels all empty and purposeless now that Lucifer is dead. I say good riddance to the bastard and not a moment too soon,” Gabriel says.

Dean nods.


Dean bites at his thumb nail and stares down at Lucifer’s corpse. He knows he’s not alone here because Sam’s giving him that same wide-eyed what the fuck do we do now look. Dean has no idea what they’re going to do.

“There are still many demons that roam the Earth that will need to be disposed of, as well as any number of supernatural creatures whose numbers thrived under the apocalyptic conditions. With so few hunters now, you and Sam will be needed,” Cas says.

It’s wordy, but it’s kind of exactly what Dean wanted to hear. He’s all for getting back into the fight after a long and much needed vacation. Dean knows there’s going to be a lot of work to do.

But a nap would be nice.

“Dude, naps are totally awesome.”

Dean turns around and sees a guy standing there and looking around.

“Who are you?” Dean asks.

The guy looks at Dean, eyes intense and two seconds ago he was giving off a slacker loser vibe— the shirt with the fake tuxedo, trucker hat that proclaimed he came to party and greasy khaki pants may have had something to do with that— and now it’s all intense focus and sparking energy.

Dean doesn’t think he’s an angel because Dean made sure to meet all of them before the big battle, but this guy is working with that same scary level of visible power.

“The answers for which you seek lie within,” the guy says.

Dean frowns.


The guy cracks a smile.

“Yeah, I’m totally fucking with you. I’m God.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he hears Cas take in a sharp breath and he can’t even imagine what Gabriel must look like. He sees Sam out of the corner of his eye stepping closer and Dean frowns.


The guy rolls his eyes.

“God. The big guy upstairs. Thou Father who Art Thou in Heaven. Only not so much recently. I’ve taken a bit of a sabbatical. Naps just aren’t as good when you’ve got to hear the singing of a thousand angels,” the guy says.

“Are you like… really high?” Dean asks.

The guy shakes his head.

“No. Not right now anyway.”

Dean opens his mouth and then closes it. He opens it again, but really, what do you say to a guy claiming to be God.

“Quit tripping. I don’t get high. I’m God,” possible God says.

“Are you sure you’re God?” Sam asks.

The guy frowns.

“Do people ask you if you’re sure you’re Sam Winchester?”

Sam shakes his head.

“But… I mean God…”

“You were expecting like James Earl Jones or something, right? I tried out a vessel like that, but it didn’t work out. I like this one better. I have more fun.”

Dean’s got a million questions running through his mind like where the fuck have you been and why the fuck did you let the end of the world almost happen and you’ve got a lot of explaining to do.

“Dude, wow, chill, okay. You’re completely harshing my mellow right now,” the guy— possibly God— says.

“Harshing your mellow?” Dean says angrily.

“Yeah, you know, all this negativity. You’re like, swimming it in.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not a ray of sunshine, but I sort of just lived through the apocalypse and killed the devil. It’s been a hard year,” Dean says.

The guy smiles.

“I know, but you totally did it. I knew you could. Now maybe those rowdy kids up in Heaven will finally get free will. I mean, I’ve been trying to teach it to them for millennia. Well, okay, not millennia. Old Testament me was totally a dick, but New Testament me kind of rocked.”

“You mean the you that killed your only son?” Dean says.

“Yeah, for you guys. You’d think you’d be more grateful. Anyway, I totally knew you’d pull this off. It’s why I didn’t come to you and Castiel when you called for me. This was something you had to do on your own Dean.”

“Well, thanks for that life lesson,” Dean says sarcastically.

“Dean,” Cas says sharply.

“Come on, Cas, we risked our asses and he was just hanging around the whole time maybe getting high and definitely taking naps.”

Cas makes a pained face and Dean gets that it’s God and that’s kind of a big deal for Cas, but the guy pretty much just admitted that he’d been watching the whole time and did nothing.

“I would have stepped in if it had gotten too bad. Honestly, things could have been a lot worse,” God says.

Dean glares at him.

“Innocent people died.”

“And they will be rewarded in Heaven. I don’t expect you to understand all of it Dean. I do work in mysterious ways, after all.”

Dean rolls his eyes.

“Screw you.”

“Dean,” Cas says again.

“Dean, maybe you should quit it with the insolence thing,” Sam says.

“I think he should keep going. It’s pretty entertaining,” Gabriel says.

God smiles.

“He’s allowed to speak his mind. I didn’t give him free will just for the heck of it. If he wants to tell me I’m out of my mind, that’s his right.”

Dean frowns.

“You’re batshit insane,” he mutters.

God’s smile widens.

“You have no idea how many times I’ve been called that.”

“That’s because it’s seriously true. You’re like… you’re like a cruel puppet master who gets his kicks out of watching other people suffer. It’s sick.”

“Dean,” Cas says louder, his voice more gravel and commanding.

“Cas,” Dean says back.

Cas glares at him and Dean watches as he sinks down to his knees, kneeling in front of God, head bowed and God looks kind of startled for a second.

“I am sorry for his disobedience,” Cas says.

“It’s okay, Castiel. I quite enjoy it. It’s really amusing seeing him with his chest all puffed out. He’s very interesting, wouldn’t you agree.”

Dean watches as Cas’ eyes dart over to look at him. It’s subtle, but Dean’s had Cas staring at him for two years now and it’s like it burns on his skin every time now.

“He is very unique, Father. There is no other human in the world quite like him.”

Sam snorts and Gabriel lets out a huffed laugh.

“He’s not wrong there, Pops,” Gabriel says.

“Yeah, Dean here is a special snowflake,” Sam says dryly.

“Fuck you all,” Dean says snidely.

He sees Cas flinch a bit, but God just kind of gives a giggle snort and shakes his head.

“Special snowflake. I like that one. Though it’s probably redundant considering all snowflakes are unique and special. But more to the point, you don’t have to bow down in penance, Castiel. Especially since it’s not your sins you are repenting. I like Dean’s nature. It appeals to me.”


“Castiel, man, get off the floor,” God says.

He puts his hands on Cas’ biceps and pulls him up. Cas’ eyes are wide, like he can’t believe God is touching him, like he can’t believe God is in his presence.

“I just wish to show you my loyalty,” Cas says.

“Yeah, I get it. You don’t have to kneel though.”


“You’re totally good in my book.”

Cas is frowning, but he does as God says and gets up from the floor. God beams at him, this big wide toothy smile and Cas looks like he’s going to fall to his knees again, but God holds him up.

“In fact, you guys are really shining examples of how things should be from now on,” God says.

He looks over at Gabriel, who’s kind of got this weird constipated looking on his face and Dean totally wants to laugh at him because he’s rocking the whole kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar look. God makes a face and sighs.

“Okay, well, maybe not you Gabriel. Though, really, you look like you know how to have a good time. Which is fine. It’s just sort of unbecoming for Heaven. Which kind of sucks considering I have to go back there.”

“Will you allow me to come with you, Father?”

The slave like devotion in Cas’ eyes is kind of creepy, but Dean’s used to Cas being slightly high on the creepy scale. What he’s not used to is Cas asking to go home. Something in the back of Dean’s mind always thought it was a possibility, but he never thought to bring it up in case they did defeat Lucifer and Cas really did become public enemy number one.

Now it’s really freaking possible.

God nods, mellow smile on his face and he exudes easiness and calm.

“Of course, Castiel. You would be more than welcomed back.”

And this is it, Dean thinks. God is totally going to take Cas up to Heaven and forgive him and maybe make him head of all the angels. Cas is going to be rewarded and no one deserves it more than Cas.


Dean has this sudden flash of memory. It’s of when he was four and his mom had been dead for a few weeks and he’d finally realized that she was never coming back. He remembers crying and crying and crying and the utterly frustrated look on his dad’s face because he had two kids who were crying and he didn’t know how to make them stop. He remembers his dad holding him close and telling him it was going to be okay, but Dean not really believing it because he was four and all he knew was that his mommy was gone.

It’s the first time Dean’s ever lost anyone. Dean knows he’s lost more people he’s loved since then. He’s lost his dad and he lost Sam for a little while and he’s lost Ellen and Jo.

He knows what it’s like to feel like there’s a part of himself missing.

The thought of losing Cas is starting to feel that way.

Except the thought of losing Cas is turning into this giant hole that makes Dean feel like he can’t breathe and all that’s running through his head is no, I don’t want Cas to leave, I want him to stay, please don’t leave and stupid Cinderella— the metal band, not the one with fairy godmothers— lyrics. Dean would throw up if he had time to realize just how cliché the whole situation is, but his brain just wants to think about how it’s so unfair that Cas is leaving after this huge epiphany.

Epiphanies are a bitch.

And that’s when God turns to look at him and, if Dean thought his focus was intense before, he just didn’t even know. Because now it’s like having a hawk watching you and Dean very much feels like a helpless little mouse.

He can see Cas’ mouth moving, can see Sammy staring at him and getting ready to move, like he’s going to walk over to Dean and shake him. He can even see Gabriel, mid eye roll like he’s decided this whole thing is vastly ridiculous and he doesn’t have time for it anymore.

And then, everyone stops.

“Dude, you totally don’t want him to go,” God says.

Dean frowns and he realizes that everyone is pretty much frozen and Gabriel’s face is frozen in the most ridiculous way that Dean wishes he could take a picture.

“Be nice to your brother-in-law. He’s going to have to put up with your denial,” God says.

“What?” Dean asks.

“You’re like two seconds away from throwing yourself at Castiel’s feet and begging him to never, ever leave you,” God says.

Dean frowns.

“I am not,” he says defensively.

“Are you really trying to lie to God, Dean? God? I’m knower of everything, man. I know all. Like, right this second, Mister Bryon Pierce of California is about to have sex with his secretary who he’s been whittling down with outrageous sexual innuendo and the only reason the poor girl is going to sleep with him is because he’s threatening her job and she needs to work in order to pay the hospital bills for her sick, alcoholic father.”

Dean’s frown deepens.


“And I know the only thoughts in your head right now are that if Castiel leaves you, you will be bereft and lonely and doomed to live an existence without love or hope or puppies.”

“I’m not thinking that.”

“Dude, I’m God. God. Like I don’t know how many times I’m gonna have to tell you that.”

Dean pulls a face.

“You don’t act like God.”

“It’s 2010, okay. It’s time to start a change. Anyway, my initial assessment of the situation remains the same. There. Did that sound ‘God’ enough for you?”

Seeing God use finger quotation marks is fucked up. But then, so are a lot of things in Dean’s life.

“I guess.”

“Good. Now. Castiel.”

“He should go. He deserves to go.”

God sighs and shakes his head.

“Okay, you know that commercial for Starburst where the kid is Korean, but he’s also Scottish and that overly pale Scot-Korean jumps out and talks about big, freaking contradictions? That’s you, Dean. That’s you in a freaking nutshell.”

“I don’t…”

“You drink and you fornicate and you steal because you have to and you lie and cheat and you do so many sins in one day, it’s hard to keep track of them all, but you’re loyal. No, you’re not just loyal, you’re fiercely loyal. And passionate. You love with so much of yourself that it’s kind of painful to watch. You’re stubborn, but you’re also driven to do the right thing because it’s the right thing. I mean… you’re the biggest contradiction ever.”

“Thanks?” Dean says confusedly.

God rolls his eyes.

“Well, I don’t even know if it’s a compliment or not. But what I’m getting at here is that you can have Castiel, if you want.”

Dean frowns.

“Dude, you’re not gonna just give me Cas.”

God sighs and shakes his head again, fists clenching and unclenching and Dean knows that look. Its exasperation and frustration all rolled into one and Dean remembers his dad getting that look many, many times.

“Well duh. I would never do that to one of my sons. I’m not a pimp, Dean.”

“You just said…”

“It was kind of a metaphor. I just meant that you can be happy. You can be happy, Dean, and good things can happen for you and you can have them. And if Castiel is what you want, you can have him too.”

“That still sounds like you’re just giving him to me, which is so not right.”

“You clearly haven’t seen what I’ve seen.”

“It doesn’t matter what you’ve seen. Cas… he deserves a reward. He wants to go back.”

“How do you know?”

“He just asked you.”

“Sometimes, it’s not about what you say you want. You have to look deeper.”

“He shouldn’t…”

God holds up a hand and frowns and Dean stops talking because it’s like he’s been compelled to stop talking, which isn’t all that weird considering he’s talking to God.

“Now we’re getting into the realm of your messed up issues and I’m not a therapist. I’ll give you this. If I look into my son, if I look into Castiel and truly see that he wants to go back to Heaven, I’ll take him with me. But, and I’m pretty sure this is the scenario that’s gonna play out, if I look into him and see that he wants to stay, then your ass better man up, Dean or I will take him back and sit on a cloud and have someone make me popcorn and watch as you walk around all lonely and desolate. It’ll be the best show ever.”

Dean frowns.

“Did you just say ass?”

God sighs again loudly.

“2010, Dean. 2010.”

Dean shakes his head and opens his mouth, but God stops him.

“Look, do we have a deal?”


“Come on, Dean. At least you’ll know. I’m offering you a gift here. You’re not supposed to look those in the mouth. Especially not when they come from God.”

Dean sighs.

He doesn’t think God’s going to find out that Cas has some secret dream to stay with humanity. Cas likes humans well enough and Dean’s even sure that he cares a great deal for him and Sam and Bobby, but Cas is an angel. He’s an angel and Dean’s never wanted him to be anything close to the future human self Dean saw. Dean doesn’t want Cas to lose his powers because he knows Cas doesn’t want to lose his powers.

Maybe God will let him say goodbye to Cas before they fly off.

He watches as God unfreezes time and he hears Cas tell God that he will be a really good, obedient soldier in Heaven.

“That’s great, Castiel,” God says.

Cas beams.

He actually beams and Dean thinks he’s never been able to get Cas to smile like that and he knows Cas is going to say yes. He’s going to say yes and fly off with God and the both of them are going to sit on a cloud and eat popcorn and laugh at him.

“So, you really want to go back to Heaven?” God says.

His nonchalant tone sounds genuine and, if Dean didn’t have prior knowledge, he would have assumed it was just a question, but Dean knows this is it. He watches as Cas frowns, brow furrowing and Dean can just imagine that Cas is thinking of course I want to go back to Heaven.

“Yes, Father, of course I want to go back to Heaven.”

Dean nods and he knew this was how it was going to end, but it still really hurts.

God quirks his lips.

“Yeah, well, as much as I would love to bring you back up to Heaven, I can’t.”

Cas’ face falls.


God bites his thumb, eyes squinting and he nods.

“Yeah, sorry Castiel. I have other plans for you.”

“But I…”

“You should be down here, with the humans. You’re not you you anymore, which is good, but doesn’t bode well for when you’re up there with the uptight crowd. They won’t understand, Castiel. At least not yet. But you can stay down here and learn all you can about what it means to be human and you can tell them how awesome their Father is for creating such a glorious race and they’ll believe you.”

Cas continues to frown.

“You do not wish me to go back to Heaven?” Cas says.

Dean wants to yell at God because he’s making Cas sad and he should just take Cas back up to Heaven with him. The lost look on his face is just too much.

“It’s my mission for you, Castiel.”

Cas seems to except this and he bows his head.

“Of course Father.”

God beams and claps his hands loudly.

“Great,” he says loudly.

“I know you want to go back, but I really think this is best. And your big brother Gabriel will be right there, watching out for you and making sure you’re in bed at a decent hour,” God says.

Dean wants to laugh at the comically shocked look on Gabriel’s face when God says that. He wants to laugh at Sam too because Sam looks like he doesn’t know what the hell is going on.

“What?” Gabriel says.

God shrugs.

“Someone is going to have to watch out for him.”

“He’s got those two bozos,” Gabriel says, pointing to Dean and Sam.

God shakes his head.

“He needs a big brother. It’s not like you can exactly go back to Heaven yourself, Gabriel.”

“But I’ve got things to do,” Gabriel whines.

God snorts.

“If I don’t get to have any more fun, you certainly don’t. I do not approve of your Pagan ways. It’s time for you to start acting like an archangel.”

Gabriel snorts.

“That’s rich, coming from you”.

God frowns.

“What’s that old saying? Do as I say and not as I do? I think that applies here. You will watch over your brother and you will make sure he is alright because I love him more than I love you. If you don’t, I’ll rip out your Grace.”

Gabriel glares. Dean thinks he kind of looks like a petulant teenager who broke curfew too many times and got grounded for it.

“You will not.”

God shrugs.

“Probably not. But I’ll be very, very disappointed if anything happens to him and I’ll hold you personally responsible. You don’t want me to be disappointed in you, do you Gabriel?”

Dean can see Gabriel battling to answer that, like he wants to say he doesn’t care because that’s who he is, but now that God is here, now that God is really here and standing right in front of them, it’s a whole different story.

Dean knows that feeling.

“No. I just don’t understand why I’m being punished.”

“You’re not being punished, Gabriel. Though some days it might feel like that,” God mutters.

He looks over at Dean when he says it and Dean remembers what exactly is going on here.

God’s leaving Cas on Earth. God’s giving Dean a chance to be happy with Cas and Dean never thought he’d be in this position, but his life is just weird enough for God to be playing matchmaker for him.

“Anyway. I think that’s about all. I’ll be taking the other angels up with me and cleaning up house in Heaven. Make sure the angels that were being naughty get thrown in time out,” God says.

“Be sure to give extra time to Zachariah,” Sam says, seeming to find his voice in the chaos.

God smiles.

“Of course, Sam. He’ll be the first in line. So, I’ll make sure to clean up outside. Can’t have people actually knowing the world almost ended, now can we. Imagine the panic,” God says.

He snaps his fingers and Dean doesn’t even need to look outside to know that everything has been cleared. God said he would take care of it and Dean trusts that he has. Lucifer’s corpse is gone too and Dean catches God looking where Dean had been looking, sad sort of look on his face before he takes a deep breath and shakes himself.

“Alright then. It’s time for me to go. Tell all the other hunters they did a great job. And I’ll be checking in from time to time, just to be sure everything is going alright,” God says and he’s looking straight at Dean when he says it.

And then he’s gone.

They all stand there for a few moments, silently absorbing the weirdness of what just happened. Gabriel looks angry and Cas still looks devastated. Sam looks like he wants to ask so many questions, like he wanted to ask so many questions but he just couldn’t open his mouth to get them out. Dean still wants to know what the hell they’re going to do now.

Sam recovers first.

“So, that was God,” he says.

Gabriel nods.

“Yup, that was dad. Although, I gotta say, I hardly recognized him.”

“Yeah, that wasn’t… that wasn’t what I was expecting,” Sam says.

“He was kind of cool, you know, except for the ordering around.”

“Well he is God.”

“Yeah, but…”

They keep arguing like that, but Dean can’t really care because Cas still looks crushed and that’s not right. Dean should have told God no. He should have told God to take Cas and make sure Cas was happy up in Heaven where he belonged.

He’s selfishly happy that God wouldn’t listen to him, but now he’s got a depressed Cas to deal with and Dean’s not good with emotions or talking about emotions and doing anything more than burying emotions deep, deep, deep down inside.

So he walks over to Cas and throws his arm around Cas’ shoulders and squeezes a little and he hopes Cas gets it. Cas isn’t good with emotions either and they’ve both sort of stumbled into this meaningful relationship where neither one of them really speaks much. Cas’ eyes flutter over to him and he still looks sad, but he tries to smile a little.

“What’d you say we get some celebratory pie?” Dean says.

Cas tries to smile a little more.

“Do you think Sam and Gabriel can stop squabbling over God long enough to venture for pie?”Cas asks.

“Cas, I think pie could stop wars, if you let it.”

“You can be surprisingly simple, Dean,” Cas says.

Dean smirks.

“Of course I can.”

Cas’ smile widens more and that selfish part of Dean grows more happy.

So, pie. They deserve pie after killing Lucifer and meeting God. It’s not a long term goal and Dean still has no idea what the hell they are going to do, but pie is good. It’s a plan, at least.

Of course there’s also the task of telling Cas that Dean kind of needs him.

And Dean thought killing the devil was hard.