Title: We're Not Working Under a Standard Operating Procedure
By: clockstopper
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Dean/Castiel
Spoilers: Does this weird AU thing for 4x12. Inspired by a scene in that episode.
Warnings: There's slightly, just a hint for a second type of DUB-CON, which could be squicky for some, but it doesn't really last.
Word Count: 8,109
Summary: “No, Dean, it’s freaking hysterical, okay. It’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in awhile. An angel thinks you’re into gay BDSM. Gay BDSM. And he wants to protect your virtue.” This is the fic where Cas pops in on Dean while Dean is getting tricked into visiting Chief during the whole Criss Angel is a Douchebag episode and Cas misinterprets the situation completely.
Author's Note: I... don't know what this is. It started off as a crack!fic because the idea of Cas popping in during the whole Chief scene just kept staying in my mind. This fic took awhile (obviously) and when I finally started getting steam for it, it decided it wanted to actually be SERIOUS rather than cracky funtimes of Dean and Cas just doing it after a totally Three's Company Too situation, hence the weird DUB-CON warning. I don't think it actually hits it all that hard, but I'm sensitive and I can understand that others might be too. Anyway, I really enjoyed writing this (probably more than I should have) and I hope you enjoy reading it :)

This is kind of bad.

Dean’s not used to being played. Mainly because he’s always the one doing the playing even if it’s to save people’s lives and whatnot, but also the situation just makes it worse.

He got played by old magicians.

Guys who have spent their lives pulling rabbits out of their hats or whatever and Dean feels completely stupid, like he should’ve seen this coming somehow, but he just didn’t because apparently magicians are really good at playing people.

So he feels stupid.

And also a little bit scared.

Because Chief, the big guy who’s wearing leather daddy gear and thinks Dean’s there to get spanked with a whip that looks thicker than Dean’s thigh, doesn’t seem to be taking no for an answer.

Dean fidgets and he tries to explain to Chief for what feels like the millionth time that this is a mistake and a joke and that Dean’s not really there for any sort of weird bondage gay sex times because Dean’s not like that and Chief just keeps smirking and nodding his head like he’s heard this all before.

It’s disturbing.

And Dean tries to inch his way backward, slowly walking like Chief is some kind of wild animal and Dean doesn’t want to frighten or spook him, which is sort of the truth and this whole thing is getting so exceedingly weird that Dean should know it’s just going to get weirder from here on out.

“Dean.”

Dean frowns and looks over his shoulder at the voice and sees Cas standing there, same Holy Angel of Doom look on his face until Cas really looks and then he’s confused, head tilted in that way that just makes him look like he’s not human. His lips purse and his eyes narrow and Dean looks back over at Chief to see if he’s just as confused by the appearance of some random guy, but Chief seems to be mojo’d because he doesn’t even look the least bit taken aback by Castiel’s appearance.

“It’s extra for couples, man,” Chief says.

And then Cas’ eyes narrow more and his hands come out of the pockets of his trench coat and flex like he’s getting ready to smite Chief or something and Dean wouldn’t put it past him. Cas is supposed to be some sort of wrathful soldier of the Lord and it’s not like he knows humans that well to know that Chief’s not a threat in that way.

Dean knows Cas could probably sense the guy’s not a demon, but he’s been spooked and it’s like he’s ready to defend Dean’s honor and virtue.

Dean should’ve known this was going to get way weird.

But it sort of provides an out to the situation, at least temporarily, so Dean puts on his biggest smile and turns to Cas.

“Aw, honey. I’m sorry,” Dean says.

Instead of Cas’ eyes narrowing more, they jump all wide and expressive and his hands fall limply at his side and Dean takes a moment to bask in the fact that he’s actually surprised the hell out of Cas because it doesn’t really happen often.

Dean has secretly started to think that maybe Anna had it a little wrong. Angel’s are dicks, but not entirely heartless. Or, well, it takes a lot to spring emotion out of them and Dean’s sort of playing it like a game now. It’s kind of fun when Dean’s not trying to get away from a guy that’s easily three hundred pounds and taller than Sam and dressed up in leather, ready to whip him for being a bad boy.

He turns to Chief with his biggest ‘aw shucks’ smile and Chief frowns and Dean’s not sure if he’s frowning because he lost a client or because he wanted to do things to Dean.

It’s not something Dean wants to examine all that closely.

“Sorry, man. He doesn’t really like to share and I’m totally gonna get it now when we get home. So I better go do that. You know, go home.”

And Dean totally doesn’t know what he’s thinking other than the fact that Chief wasn’t really taking no for an answer and Dean doesn’t want the guy getting angel whammied because a bunch of old time magicians have nothing better to do than be douches and Cas has his feathers all in a bunch.

Chief nods his head like he understands and Dean grabs Cas by the arm and makes his escape. Castiel must be really shocked if he’s allowing Dean to just pull him along like a rag doll, but Dean doesn’t think about it. Doesn’t think about anything, but getting out of this place and into the Impala and washing his mouth out with Listerine and taking a long, scolding hot shower for no other reason than he can’t scrub his brain, but he feels like he should scrub something.

They stop in front of the Impala, Cas putting all his weight into being rooted in one place and, after a few seconds of struggling, Dean lets go and sighs.

“Dude, I’d really like to get as far away from here as possible,” Dean says.

Castiel’s eyes do that narrowing thing again and it’s like he’s peering into Dean’s soul, which Dean guesses is probably an accurate description of what’s going on right now.

“Because I caught you?” Cas asks.

“That’s one of many reasons.”

Cas frowns.

“Do you visit these kinds of establishments very often?”

Dean pulls a face and this is starting to enter the realm of the twilight zone here, that’s how freaky this situation is.

“What? No… I… dude, can we just go? I mean you’re obviously here for some important apocalypse related business. You never drop by unless there’s a seal breaking or someone needs to be a dick.”

Castiel’s frown deepens and his hands go back into the pockets of his trench coat, guarded and he seems bigger than he really is like that.

“Would you rather I was around more often?”

And Dean feels like they’re having separate conversations here and Dean can’t even keep up with his, let alone with Castiel’s and it’s all just very confusing.

“Yeah, I mean, for help or whatever. Or at least when you were around there’s none of that weird cryptic angel talk I know you’re so fond of.”

Cas nods.

“I see.”

They stand there for a few minutes, silent and Cas seems comfortable with it, but Dean’s skin is itching and his mind is telling him that he’s just not far enough away from that… place and Chief and if Cas doesn’t get to the point of this meeting, Dean’s going to have to start getting loud. Not that getting loud makes Castiel any more open, but it’s a start.

Mostly, Dean just likes getting loud.

“Um… the point?”

Castiel’s face twitches, slight and almost too fast for anyone to see, but Dean’s got his eyes trained on him so he catches it.

“You should be more careful when visiting a place such as this, Dean. I hear they’re very dangerous.”

Dean frowns.

“Yeah, I’ll remember that for next time,” Dean says sarcastically.

It occurs to him, after Castiel’s face twitches again and he flaps out or whatever, that maybe Cas doesn’t really understand sarcasm all that well.

But Dean’s first thought is shower. Long, hot, never-ending shower until he feels like his brain isn’t shuddering anymore and maybe some beer or Jack or a hammer to the head, so he jumps in the Impala and doesn’t think about angels and their stalker tendencies or why the hell Cas had been there in the first place.

~*~

After the magician thing gets closed, they move on to their next case. It’s a nasty ghost and Dean’s stuck interviewing witnesses while Sam does his research thing back at the motel. Dean’s fine with interviewing witnesses, but this one’s kind of weird.

The chick works in a sex shop.

Not that Dean’s against sex shops or anything. Somehow, in his extensive sexual history, he’s never actually been to one. He’s passed by a few and smirked and chuckled and made weird faces at Sam, but he gets his porn mags on the road and his porno on grainy television sets in motels and any other entertainment from willing women in various bars.

But he’s in one now and it’s not like its weird. People give him stares, long, lingering, appreciative ones and Dean would be smirking if he didn’t have to pretend to be a cop. The fact that he’s asking questions and has out a notebook, every once in awhile scribbling notes about things that might be relevant even though he doesn’t need to, seems to clue people in that he’s here for business and not pleasure.

The girl behind the counter, the one he’s interviewing, smiles and answers his questions and she’s not very helpful, but any leads at this point are good. When he’s done, he smiles and puts extra twang in his voice and tells her to have a good day as he leaves.

And runs right into Cas.

“Dude.”

“Dean.”

He watches as Cas looks around, eyes fluttering and never staying on one thing too long and Dean’s jaw ticks as he waits for Cas to start talking about seals and the apocalypse and Lucifer. It’s just a reaction he has and Cas always takes too long to get to the point with his double talk, which just makes Dean even more nervous.

“Are you gonna tell me what’s up?”

Castiel’s eyes stop looking around and he’s got that look on his face like he can’t understand Dean or basic human interaction at all.

“You shouldn’t be here, Dean,” he says.

“What because you’re gonna try and take out another town?”

Cas frowns and then shakes his head.

“This is a place of ill repute,” Cas whispers.

He freaking whispers it like he’s telling Dean some big secret and Dean frowns and shakes his head.

“Isn’t that a whorehouse, Cas? And besides, I was interviewing a witness for the case I’m working on,” Dean says, pointing to the girl at the counter.

She catches him and waves enthusiastically which just makes Cas frown harder and Dean thinks he’s missing something big here. Like something asteroid big and Cas is still frowning.

“If you insist on coming to places such as this, then I must ask that you are safer,” Cas says and there’s something oddly desperate in his voice.

“Dude, I have no idea what you’re tripping on,” Dean says.

Cas looks ten kinds of uncomfortable and he shifts his weight from foot to foot before he makes a pained sound and shakes his head.

“These places, Dean. I understand that humans have certain… proclivities, but perhaps now is not the time to indulge in them.”

“Man, I thought I told you how much the angel double talk pisses me off,” Dean says.

“You need to curb your appetite towards bondage sex acts, Dean,” Cas says, tone totally deadpan and that’s when it clicks in Dean’s head.

And Dean really wishes it hadn’t.

“What? No… just… no! Why would you even think… no,” Dean screams.

Then Cas is giving him a pitying look and Dean knows that Cas doesn’t believe him.

“I understand that it is something you… enjoy. Though I can’t comprehend why, myself. Perhaps it’s a side effect of your time spent in Hell…”

Dean glares and he flexes his fists and he would really like to punch Cas in the face, but he thinks Cas might take it the wrong way or something.

This has to be the weirdest conversation Dean’s ever had in his life.

“I’m not… I’m not into that kind of thing, okay. I’m just… I’m not.”

“I am not judging you, Dean. Under normal circumstance, I would say you can do whatever you please, but these are not normal circumstances.”

“You’re not listening to me. I don’t do that kind of thing, okay.”

Cas’ lips purse and he shakes his head slightly.

“I just wish for you to be careful, Dean. There are things out there that wish to see you harmed. I don’t want you putting yourself into unnecessary situations.”

“Dude…”

“And if you insist on participating in these activities… then I would like to know you are being safe. I have done some research on these matters and have concluded that they aren’t always so. You could be seriously injured if you are not careful. I don’t know how extensive your foray is into these things, but I’ve printed out several documents that might be able to help you,” Cas says as he hands Dean some papers.

Dean doesn’t want to look, but the headlines flash in his face and there’s a picture of a couple dressed in leather on the top page and Dean feels like he’s going to be sick.

“Of course this doesn’t settle the problem of your… partners, but I would feel at least a little better knowing that you are being safe. You should think about researching establishments before you visit them. Also, I hear it is wise to invest in a safe word.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he seriously thinks about barfing all over Cas and his stupid trench coat and suit combo. He’s getting odd flashbacks to the appreciative look that had been on Chief’s face when he thought Dean had been there for a good time, the way the words ‘safe word’ had rolled off his tongue and it’s nothing like the way Castiel says it and Dean’s not sure if that makes the situation better or worse.

“Dude,” he says again, this time a little more forceful and he’s about to go into all the various reasons why this whole conversation is a bag of wrong.

But then Cas mojos himself out and Dean’s standing there glaring at air and feeling like a crazy person and also kind of disgusted and freaked out and Cas still thinks that he’s into freaky sex shit and it’s so wrong. It’s so wrong Dean never wants to think about it again except for the fact that Cas is sort of his in with the angels and stopping the apocalypse and Dean doesn’t see him just not popping in anymore. So, the whole never thinking about it again thing is probably a no go. Dean’s going to have to deal with this and convincing an Angel of the Lord that he doesn’t want to be tied up and paddled is not something Dean ever thought he’d have to do in his life.

It’s just too weird. Even for him.

Dean settles on what’s possibly his only option.

He’ll ask Sam.

~*~

Sam is no help.

Sam is too busying rolling around on the floor and laughing his ass off and Dean wants to punch him or at the very least shake him and make him stop laughing. Because this, this situation, it’s not funny. It’s not even a little bit funny and Sam has to help him.

“Sam,” Dean says, his voice strong and maybe just a little bit desperate.

But Sam keeps on laughing and Dean crosses his arms over his chest and waits for his brother to stop losing his shit so he can help Dean figure this out.

It takes a few minutes, but Sam finally seems composed enough to talk about this like an adult. He slides into a chair, big smile still wide on his face and Dean supposes if you’re on the outside of this, it would be funny, but all Dean can think is that Cas thinks he’s into freaky BDSM shit and he’s trying to give Dean advise about it. So he can totally see why this is laugh out loud worthy, but he really wishes Sam would stop now.

“Dude, it’s… I mean it’s freaking hilarious, okay. Cas thinks you’re into gay BDSM. Like I wouldn’t believe it if you didn’t have the printouts,” Sam says, choking a bit on the word printouts and he looks like he’s about to start up again.

“Don’t.”

“Dean…”

“It’s not funny, Sam.”

“No, Dean, it’s freaking hysterical, okay. It’s the funniest thing I’ve heard in awhile. An angel thinks you’re into gay BDSM. Gay BDSM. And he wants to protect your virtue.”

“I don’t think it’s my virtue he wants to protect. I mean, just look at the things he printed out.”

And Dean doesn’t want to look at the again, but he thinks the situation should be clear.

As fucked up as it is.

“Did he seriously ask you if you had a safe word?” Sam asks, his eyes bright with laughter and Dean glares.

“Sam.”

“Dean, he said the words ‘safe word’. I’ve only met the guy three times, but even I know that had to be hilarious,” Sam says.

“Do I look like I’m laughing?”

Sam shakes his head.

“Okay, okay. I know, alright. I’m sorry. I just don’t understand why he just didn’t take your word for it.”

“I don’t either. He seems to think he’s got solid evidence. Also, he thinks he fixed me wrong or something and that I’m into pain because of my time in hell.”

Sam snorts.

“If you start laughing again, I’ll kick your ass so hard, Sam.”

“I’m not. I swear. But I guess, when put like that…”

“Don’t justify the crazy, Sam.”

“If we understand how he’s thinking, then we can think of what to say in order to get him to believe you’re not into kinky sex shit.”

Dean stops, lips quirking before he thinks about it and realizes Sam might be on to something. He nods.

“Okay, maybe you’ve got something here,” Dean mutters.

Sam rolls his eyes.

“Dude, just sit him down and tell him you’re just not into that kind of thing. Explain it to him in a way he couldn’t possibly misunderstand. Ask him why he seems so set on thinking you want to be dominated and then tell him why those reasons are just not true,” Sam says.

Dean nods.

“And then we go and we get drunk and we laugh about how utterly ridiculous this situation is,” Sam says.

“Dude, I don’t think there’s enough Jack in the world to make me forget about this.”

Sam snorts.

“Who said anything about forgetting? I’m going to remember this for the rest of my life.”

Dean glares.

His life is so unfair.

~*~

It doesn’t take long before Dean has to work up the courage to confront Cas about the whole BDSM thing.

They wrap up the case and get back to the motel for some rest before they hit the road in the morning on their next hunt. Sam fumbles with the key and he is mostly still wired from the fight and Dean gets that too because he’s just as jittery. When Sam finally gets the door open, he does so with a big sigh and Dean wants nothing more than to flop down on his bed and sleep for a solid eight hours.

Except there’s Cas standing in the empty motel room.

He doesn’t even look ashamed either. Most people would look spooked if you caught them hanging out in a motel room that wasn’t theirs, but Castiel is an Angel of the Lord and also a stalker and not really subject to the rules of human etiquette. Instead, his eyes just kind of scan over Sam until they hit Dean and then they do that intense thing where somehow they’re completely hard and focused, but also soft and, what Dean guesses, passes for nurturing for Cas.

“Cas,” Dean says.

Cas stiffens, lips quirking and Dean’s wondering if this is a an apocalypse visit or another one of his visits to tell Dean that kinky sex is bad.

Dean’s really hoping for seals breaking.

“Dean… may we speak alone?” Cas says, eyes cutting to Sam, slight and almost expressionless.

Sam straightens and Dean sighs, shoulders slumping because he’s tired and this is not the time. Of course, in Dean’s opinion, there will never be a time for conversations with angels about his sexual practices.

“We gotta do this right now? We kinda just got done with a hunt,” Dean says.

Sam pats him on the shoulder and Dean turns slightly and sees the understanding in Sam’s face and Dean’s kind of cowardly because there’s no way he wants to have this conversation alone, but having it in front of Sam might actually prove to be worse.

“Dude, it’s okay. Talk. I’ll just… find a bar or something. Call me when you’re done.”

Dean wants to open his mouth to protest, but Sam’s sending him the eye signal that means settle this and settle this now so I don’t have to deal with you freaking out about it anymore and I can get to the part where I can make as much fun of you as possible without you getting emo about it. It’s such a rare look on Sam, but Dean knows he’s right and he lets out another deep, shoulder shaking sigh.

“Fine. Thanks.”

“No problem,” Sam says, smiling starting to form on his lips, but he knows better than to start laughing in Dean’s face.

He shuffles off quickly and Dean’s left to deal with this mess.

He shuts the door and turns back to Cas, plastering a huge, fake smile on his face.

“So, what brings you ‘round?”

Cas frowns.

“Did you look over the papers I gave you?”

“No, I decided to burn them instead.”

Cas’ frown deepens.

“Dean…”

“Look, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you or how many ways I have to say it, but I’m not into that kind of thing, okay. You don’t have to worry about me being too whipped from late night activities to stop the apocalypse. I like my pleasure without the pain,” Dean says.

Cas looks like he’s going to argue, crazy emotions flittering across his face and one of them looks like agreement and for one glorious second Dean thinks this whole thing is going to be over with, but then Cas’ face hardens and he looks like he’s dealing with a particularly unruly kid— Dean’s seen a variation of it on his dad’s face before and of course this has to get even weirder than it already is— and he sighs. Cas actually sighs and Dean has one crazy moment where he thinks that’s got to be a sign of a seal breaking.

“I found this in your bags,” Cas says holding up what looks like a ball-gag.

And when Dean looks at it closer he realizes that yes, it is a ball-gag and Dean wants to cringe.

“Dude, you did not,” Dean says.

“It was in the blue one.”

Dean frowns.

“That’s Sam’s bag.”

Cas frowns.

“I assumed…”

“Okay, one, dude how many times do I have to tell you I’m not into that kind of thing? Two, no, okay, just no. And three, I keep learning way too much shit about Sam’s sex life and I would really like to be done with that now. That means no more sneaky angels. Just stop already.”

“But Dean…”

“I’m not into that kind of thing, man. I don’t know how much clearer I can make it. I don’t… okay look I’m kind of… adventurous or whatever and I have sex. A lot. Probably more than I should considering the angelic stalkers I have on my ass, but that’s not the point. The point is that most of the time… it’s kind of vanilla. I mean every once in awhile there’s that girl that wants you to pull her hair or slap your ass or whatever, but mostly it’s just sex.”

“Now is not the time to be careless with these matters. A situation like that could leave you very vulnerable to attack.”

Dean frowns.

“Is that all this is about? You think me sleeping around is gonna lead to me getting killed? I got news for you, Cas, I’ve been sleeping around while doing the job for a long time and it hasn’t meant demon attack yet.”

“Never before has there been an apocalypse looming on the horizon.”

Dean rolls his eyes.

“So, what? I’m just supposed to be… what celibate? That’s not an option, man.”

And it’s sort of bravado because Dean hasn’t really had much sex since he’s been back from hell. Not nearly as much as he’d like but there’s always a seal or drama with Sam and that hell bitch Ruby and he just doesn’t have the drive most days.

Cas doesn’t need to know that, though. And Dean doesn’t really like that Cas is giving him orders like that. It’s one thing with the seals and the apocalypse and work or whatever, but to try and keep Dean’s libido on a leash because he thinks Dean doesn’t practice safe sex is just kind of ridiculous.

“I was going to offer an… alternative method,” Cas says.

Dean frowns.

“What do you mean?”

“I figured you would not want to go without sex. I do not understand this compulsion, but I understand that it is something you like and enjoy. To deny you a simple pleasure when it is within my powers to give it to you would be… a dick move, I believe you would say.”

Dean’s eyes widen and he can’t believe what Cas is saying here.

“Cas… are you trying to be my pimp or are you… offering something else?”

Castiel gives him a sly look, out of the corner of his eyes and it’s filled with heat and weirdness.

“I could offer to make sure the women you sleep with are not demons, but that would probably make things very awkward.”

“So, what? You’re offering to go down on me?”

“If that’s what you wish. I may not have any practical experience, but I have a lot of theoretical knowledge.”

“Right, your research.”

Cas shakes his head.

“I had thought that you might be interested in some… risky behaviors. I thought it best to investigate further in case you would wish to have me dominate you in some fashion.”

And that just makes Dean realize that he is, in fact, having this conversation. He’s having this conversation with his very male angel stalker and said very male angel stalker is offering to go down on him.

His life is just freaking weird.

“I don’t… I’m not into that.”

“I could be submissive if you’d like?”

“Cas… this… this is crazy, you know. This whole thing, what you’re offering… I mean you said it yourself. You don’t understand sex. You don’t like sex. You don’t want to have it. I’m not forcing you into this.”

“I would not be… adverse to sexual relations with you, Dean. I wouldn’t offer it if I were.”

Dean raises an eyebrow.

“Really? So if, I don’t know, God commanded it, you wouldn’t do it in a heartbeat.”

“God would never command such a thing.”

“Really? Not even to keep me in line?”

Cas frowns.

“Sex would not keep you in line. If I had thought it would, I would’ve offered it a long time ago,” Cas says.

Dean snorts and he actually has to keep himself from laughing hysterically because the situation is fucked and Castiel is actually making jokes, though he’s still working the whole monotone robot inflection thing.

“So, what’s this then? You just decided that, in order to keep me safe, you were willing to whore yourself out? That’s… I mean you gotta see how messed up that is, Cas.”

Cas blinks and there’s silence for a long time, the feel of it creeping across Dean’s skin and making him feel awkward and jittery.

“How is this different than any other sexual encounter that you’ve had?” Cas asks.

Dean frowns.

“Dude, apart from the obvious, it just… it is,” Dean yells, voice frustrated and he runs a hand through his hair.

“I don’t understand…”

“That’s part of the problem. You don’t see how this is fucked, when anyone would tell you that it is. And you’re just doing it out of some sense of honor or duty or keeping me safe because you think I’m important,” Dean says.

“You are important, Dean,” Cas says and he doesn’t even hesitate, the words leaving his mouth practically before Dean gets his own out and that might have something to do with Castiel’s ability to read minds or whatever freaky mojo he can work.

“That’s not a reason to have sex with someone,” Dean says loudly.

Cas frowns and the static silence starts up again, the silence that makes Dean feel like he’s got the shakes and he’s choking on his tongue and it’s funny how things with Cas are always at the extremes. Dean always feels like he’s two steps behind with Cas and it should freak him out more than it does. He knows it did at some point, but, and it’s not that things are different, it’s just that they’ve changed somehow. Castiel can suffocate him just by looking at him, but Cas would never actually take his last breath. It’s kind of like holding a live wire and letting it go the second before it burns you through the inside out.

Dean’s held live wires before. It’s not all that pleasant an experience.

He’s about to open his mouth to tell Cas that this whole thing just needs to be dropped when Cas pushes off his trench coat, fluid and easy and it falls to the ground almost gracefully because everything about Castiel is graceful and calculated.

Freaky, but graceful all the same.

And then Cas is on his knees right in front of Dean and Dean’s vision barely registers it before Castiel’s hands are on his belt buckle and this is so not good.

“Cas…”

“Humans have sex for many reasons, Dean. Not all of them mean anything the next day,” he says.

Dean knows he’s right. He’s weirdly, in the most detached way, right about that, but this isn’t that kind of situation.

“Stop,” Dean says, hands batting at Cas’s.

Cas looks at him, intense stare and his lips part just slightly.

“No.”

“Cas.”

“This isn’t about anything more than giving you what you want.”

“I don’t want it. I… I’m not gonna use you.”

But he isn’t moving his hands away and Dean’s sort of losing the hand slap battle. Not that that’s surprising considering Cas has superhuman strength, but Dean wants him to stop. He doesn’t seem to be interested in stopping though and soon Dean’s belt’s undone and the button on his pants is open and Cas stops, fingers stilling on Dean’s zipper and Dean thinks this would be the perfect time to flee because the situation has totally gotten out of control.

Except he seems glued to the spot.

“How are you using me if I come to you willingly? If I want it?”

“Because you only want it because I want it,” Dean says, voice weirdly hoarse and he watches as Cas tilts his head.

“Doesn’t that happen when humans care for one another? Your wants, your needs… they’re shaped by the other’s wants and needs,” Cas says.

Then he starts unzipping Dean’s pants and it’s slow and calculated, just like everything with Cas is and it should be cold and detached and not a turn on.

And it’s not quite a turn on, but it’s not like it’s making Dean want to throw up, but things have gotten so far out of the realm of surreal and out of control isn’t a strong enough way to describe the mess Dean’s gotten himself into now.

“The way you feel about Sam, your intense need to keep him alive and happy, that’s human,” Cas says as he pulls Dean’s jeans down slightly, fingers ghosting across Dean’s cock, fabric of his boxers pressing closer and his breath hitches.

“Dude, talking about someone’s brother when you’ve got your hands down their pants is so not a good idea,” Dean says jokingly and it’s not what he wants to say, but it’s the first thing that pops out of his mouth and Dean doesn’t even have the right words to make this stop happening.

And he’s not sure he wants them.

Castiel’s lips tilt upward like he’s trying to smile, but doesn’t quite know how to and his hands inch upward, fingers curling in the elastic of Dean’s boxers and this is happening, his brain shouts. This shouldn’t be happening, his brain screams, but his hips cant and Dean doesn’t even know anymore.

“Perhaps not. Just making a point,” Cas says as he pulls Dean’s boxers down a bit, exposing Dean’s cock and Dean keeps looking down and he feels like he should be more than a little surprised that parts of him seem at least a little interested in this turn of events.

Of course, he dares anyone to have their dick manhandled a bit and not get a little hard.

“Yeah, um…”

Cas doesn’t let him finish though, body surging forward and one hand is on Dean’s hip, the other at the base his cock and suddenly there’s a mouth too and Dean hisses and swears. He’s looking down at Cas, Cas’ mouth around his dick and his hand stroking and it’s wrong. It’s so very, very wrong and Castiel’s lips are tilted in that same weird smile thing he’s been doing and Dean’s brain sort of short circuits because Cas is smiling around his dick.

Cas is giving him a blowjob.

And it’s fucking good.

Practical experience or not, it’s good and it’s just the right amount of pressure and wetness and mouth and Cas missteps a bit, taking too much or not sucking hard enough before he changes it up, making enough errors to know that this is his first time, but also making up for it with enthusiasm and moves that are so right that Dean shudders and gasps and feels like his knees are going to give out.

It’s too fucking weird and it’s too fucking good at the same time and Dean knows he should be doing something to stop it so he pushes on Cas’ shoulder, nudges until Cas stops, pulls his mouth of Dean’s dick, slick and eyes a little confused.

“Why…” and Dean doesn’t hear the rest of the question because Cas’ voice is even rougher than it normally would be, which makes sense because he was sucking on Dean’s cock and his eyes are confused and that’s when it hits Dean.

Cas genuinely wants to do this.

It doesn’t make it better and it doesn’t make it right, but Dean’s hard and Cas has got what’s got to be the closest to the kicked puppy look that he’ll ever have and Dean’s probably already damned for letting it go this far anyway so fuck it, his brain says.

Just fuck it.

“Get on the bed,” Dean says, his voice just as hoarse and he watches as Cas’ eyes widen and he scrambles to his feet, hurriedly trying to take off his shoes like he already knows where this is headed and apparently approves.

That should definitely not be a turn on, but Dean feels his dick harden more.

Cas fumbles with his shoes for a minute and it almost looks human, vulnerable and slightly ridiculous and somehow it’s everything Dean wants and nowhere near close to it.

And suddenly, Dean’s impatient, weary and ready and its that electricity in his veins and on his skin. Dean pulls him close, lips ghosting against lips and Cas is breathing hard, almost panting. Dean unbuckles his belt and pulls it through the loops, fast and hurried and Cas looks surprised for a second. His hands flutter about, graceful in their nervousness and they settle on Dean’s bare hips until Dean’s got Cas’ pants and underwear down just enough to expose his cock.

He’s not hard.

It stops Dean’s movements, hands stilling and his brow furrows, mouth opening to say something until Cas surges forward and then they’re kissing. It’s weird with the double stubble and the slight sloppy inexperience, but Cas’ mouth is hot, his tongue just right against Dean’s own and Dean’s hands move. He freaks and panics slightly, nervous tension building slightly because he’s touching another guy’s dick, but then Cas makes this noise and moves closer to Dean like he’s trying to burrow his way inside.

“You’re not…”

Cas makes another noise and Cas’ lips are on Dean’s chin, biting and kissing and he’s getting the hang of this pretty fast. Dean moves his hand a little faster, just the way he likes it because he doesn’t know how Cas likes it and, judging by Cas’ reaction, if he even likes it at all.

“Human physical reactions are… difficult,” he says.

“Cas…”

“We wouldn’t have gotten this far if I didn’t want to, Dean. I just…it just may take some time.”

Dean frowns and strokes Castiel’s cock faster, trying to focus on what would normally feel good. There’s still not much of a reaction, but Cas pants and his hands go to Dean’s cock, mirroring Dean’s movements. He surges forward, lips against Dean’s and he sighs.

“You want more though. You want me on the bed, laid out before you.”

The words aren’t all that sexy, but that doesn’t seem to matter and Dean pushes him away, pushes him onto the bed, Dean following after him.

He goes into it blind, fingers shaking and he hadn’t been lying to Cas when Dean told him that he’s mostly a vanilla guy. There’s never been any backdoor action, though Dean’s been with enough girls who actually might have liked that sort of thing. He understands the basics, that there’s got to be fingers and stretching and lube of some sort otherwise what the hell with all the KY jokes, right.

But practical knowledge he does not have and it puts him on an even playing field with Cas at least. Not that Cas is giving any indication that he’s never done this before, lying on his stomach, his pants pushed down around his ankles and his legs spread wide. He thinks he should probably slow down though because this is moving too fast, but his body has other ideas. His body settles between Castiel’s legs as best as he can and Cas pulls himself up on his hands and knees.

His mind might not know what to do, but he spits into his hand anyway, slicking up his fingers and it’s like he’s detached, watching himself push his fingers into Castiel’s ass, hearing Cas hiss and moving his fingers like he actually knows what he’s doing. It starts off one and two and then stretching and then three and Castiel pushing against his fingers and it’s completely different from fingering a girl— tighter and obviously less slick, but warmer.

There’s stop running through his head, but the lingering don’t comes first until his mind is a swirl of don’t and stop and Dean agrees with both separately and together. He thrusts and pushes and stretches Cas and he knows it’s probably not enough.There’s not nearly enough slick what with just his spit and some precome and he doesn’t even know where he might find something resembling lube. It should matter. He shouldn’t let his body get the better of him, but Castiel is making little noises and pushing back on Dean’s fingers and then Dean brushes against something that gets a shout, hoarse and loud and hot and ripped out of Castiel’s throat.

“Dean,” Cas says.

“I should find something better to use,” Dean mutters.

“You can’t hurt me, Dean. You… you want this. And I…” Cas stutters and his voice hiccups a bit and it’s so weird and Dean’s mind starts to wander to the ‘what the fuck’ of this situation and that just isn’t going to work.

That just isn’t going to work at all.

So Dean pulls out his fingers and Cas lets out another soft noise, only this one sounds like protest and Dean hurriedly spits into his hand and slicks himself up as best he can with what he’s got and he shouldn’t be so completely fine with not thinking at all, but it doesn’t matter.

It doesn’t matter at all.

And then Dean’s pushing in, slow and there’s resistance, but he keeps pushing until his cock’s inside, groin flush against Castiel’s ass.

Then he moves.

It’s ridiculously hot, his dick in Cas’ ass, moving and thrusting and Cas still has on one of his shoes and Dean has on both his boots. He still has on his jacket and it just makes everything hotter and faster and more real. Cas is on his hands and knees, pushing back when Dean surges forward and it’s like the best sex ever, even though it’s probably the most frantic sex ever.

His thrusts feel jerky and too hard, like there’s no rhythm and Dean’s usually smoother than this, but there’s almost nothing smooth about this situation. Its base and almost animal, primal in its intensity. So he thrusts and he knows he shouldn’t be pushing so hard and that his hands would be leaving bruises on Castiel’s hips, if Cas were human.

But Castiel seems just fine with the pace, pushing back to meet Dean’s thrusts. Dean thinks there should probably be some pain, but Cas is just breathing heavy and going with it, his dick slowly hardening and that’s not enough. Dean keeps stroking, keeps changing the angle of his thrust before Cas lets out a gurgling grunt and what sounds like it could be Dean’s name, pushing against Dean more brutally and Dean knows he’s hit that spot from before because he gets to hear that noise again.

Dean feels his cock twitch, feels Castiel harden and hears the soft, little ohs coming from his lips.

It’s fucking amazing.

He can feel himself getting ready to come, orgasm building and he feels like he can feel it all throughout his body. He doesn’t want to yet though because Cas is just beginning to get hard and more vocal and Dean tries to stop it, slows down his thrusts, but Castiel doesn’t want that. He pushes back, harder and Dean tries to hold his hips, but he’s so strong. Dean knows he’s going to come if he doesn’t stop Cas so he does the only thing he can think.

He sits back, pulling Cas into his lap, cock pushing impossibly deeper and he hears Cas let out a deep breath. Dean moves slowly, more controlled and Dean knows from the position Castiel has to feel it just that much deeper, just that much better. He’s starting to get a rhythm, slow and sensual and Cas leans against him, head thrown back so far, resting on Dean’s shoulder. His Adam’s apple bobs and Dean nips at the expanse of his throat and has the hysterical wish that they were naked.

“Dean,” Cas says, his voice completely wrecked sounding.

“You can feel this, right? It’s not as difficult,” Dean says through gritted teeth and his body is protesting to this sound change, but Dean doesn’t care.

“Dean… I… oh,” Castiel says and that’s enough for Dean because Cas is still hard in his hand and moving slightly, letting Dean control it and Dean swivels and thrusts just a little bit harder, not as hard as before, but it’s enough.

He’s not sure how long they stay like that, mindless with bliss and pleasure and Castiel’s breath becomes sharper, louder and his hands flex and his hips move and it takes Dean by surprise when Cas comes, just some harsh panting and Dean’s name whispered over and over again. He sees Castiel’s face out of the corner of his eye, sees the surprise and shock and utter contentment.

It’s a nice look on him.

And the shock of that thought masks his own orgasm and he knew it was building, but Castiel clenches around him impossibly tighter and it feels like an explosion, coming so hard and he lets out a shout and he wants to experience this feeling over and over and over again.

Preferably all the time.

When it’s over— and Dean feels like it was an eternity and not long enough at the same time, though he’s pretty sure his vision went blurry— he pulls out, hissing slightly at the feeling and flops down on the bed, pulling Cas with him.

He lies there, spent and sated and so exhausted, but the good kind of exhaustion that comes with coming so hard your vision whites out and your legs turn boneless. He’s breathing hard and he knows he should feel uncomfortable. He’s sticky and pretty much fully clothed and the arm that Cas is lying on is starting to go numb. They’re not touching anywhere else and Cas hasn’t moved since Dean pushed off and Dean’s not ready for the weird aftermath yet.

Dean clears his throat and turns on his side slightly, hand moving to touch Cas’ shoulder and Cas shudders a bit under his touch. Dean gets that sinking feeling in his stomach like this was an epically bad idea, which it probably really was, but Dean hadn’t thought Cas would think that.

He started it.

“Cas?” Dean says.

He hears a loud breath come from Cas and Dean thinks fuck, just fuck.

“Are you… we shouldn’t’ve…”

And then Cas sits up, bolts straight up and Dean fully expects him to mojo out.

He doesn’t.

Instead he kicks off his other shoe and his pants get pulled off all the way. He spares a minute to take off his suit jacket before he gets impatient— and Dean’s seen angels impatient before, but this is on a whole new level— and turns around.

“I’m fine, Dean,” he says.

And, as if to illustrate that point, he pushes Dean down until Dean’s flat on his back and then Cas is climbing on top of him, legs straddling Dean’s hips and his ass brushing against Dean’s cock. It’s obscene, Cas rubbing against him, still clothed in his white button down shirt and tie. He bends down, capturing Dean’s lips in a wet, dirty kiss. His back arches and Dean’s fingers itch to touch, so he does, starting at Cas’ hips and working their way up Cas’ sides and under his shirt. It gets Dean a few more of those deliciously awesome sounds and he’s okay with just not thinking about it anymore, at least for a little while.

His cock seems to be on board and Dean knows he’s not going to get hard again so soon, but his body wants to.

His body really wants to.

Cas pulls away and Dean’s mouth tries to follow, but Cas is sitting up, rubbing his ass against Dean’s cock more insistently and Cas must not have gotten the memo on human biology.

“That’s… um… that’s not gonna happen right away,” Dean says, hands brushing Cas’ sides.

“Oh,” Cas says, voice filled with innocence.

And he shouldn’t be able to pull that off so well considering their current positions, but he does because Cas may be a soldier or whatever, but he’s still an angel.

It also shouldn’t be so scorching hot, but Dean thinks that’s probably just his warped mind.

Dean thinks he should probably throw holy water or yell Christo or something, but he can’t stop his mind from being jelly and his hips from bucking up for more friction.

“Demon’s cannot possess the same body as an angel, Dean,” Cas says, his hands going under Dean’s shirt, brushing against that spot on Dean’s side that makes his brain short circuit a bit.

“And I’m not a siren or a succubus,” he says.

“You know, the whole mind reading angel mojo thing is kinda intrusive.”

Cas’ lips quirk and his fingers brush over Dean’s nipple, just enough nail for Dean to hiss and his hips thrust again.

“You’ll learn to appreciate it,” Cas says.

“Yeah, yeah, probably. Just not right this second.”

Cas’ lips do the almost smiling thing again and he nods.

“Soon, though,” Cas says.

“But…”

“I have plenty of time, Dean.”

And Dean’s brain is doing the shut down thing again and he’s totally fine with it so he does the only thing his brain is telling him to do.

He grabs Cas’ tie and pulls him down for a kiss.


FIN