Title: a little bit of Ianto
By: cupiecake
Pairing: gen
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Ianto's psychiatrist knows that he's not telling her everything.

***

Ianto's psychiatrist knows that he's not telling her everything. He was quite explicit about it, that there were things he couldn't tell her, that there were things that she can't ever ask about. She doesn't know how his girlfriend died, just that she was sick for a very long time. There's holes in her story, but she'll be patient until Ianto has the words for it. He's good about telling her the important things, really: how he's feeling, how often he takes the Ativan. About having to wash his desk 20 times last week after Dr. Harper spilled coffee on it. About slicing his arms in geometric patterns to break the numbness.

She's seen him in varying states of healing, but this is really bad. His left eye is black; his cheek is purple and blue. He moves stiffly, and she wonders what happened, but it's brief, because -

"They almost killed me," Ianto says softly, looking down at his hands.

"Your team?" and Ianto's smiling but it's sad, his head shaking 'no'. His voice is humorless when he replies.

"No. Not yet, anyway." He looks like he's trying to decide something, then, "I..." His voice breaks and he looks up at her, his eyes intense and a little wild; lost. "I didn't want to die. God help me, it was so close, and I didn't want to die."

She can see clearly how he feels like he's betrayed Lisa. He sinks his head in his hands, digs his fingers into his hair. She wonders, not for the first time, if his coworkers know anything about Ianto; if they can tell at all how lost he is. That's not her job, though: this is where she tells Ianto that it's healthy, that he's getting better. "It's alright, Ianto," she starts. "That's good, it's healthy. Completely normal." Then softer. "I'm sure Lisa's glad to hear that."

Ianto just sobs brokenly, but she knows - that's healthy, too.

***