Title: All the Years
By: angstytimelord
Pairing: Tenth Doctor/Ianto Jones
Fandom: Doctor Who/Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1, letter100
Prompt: 97, Years
Disclaimer: This is entirely a product of my own imagination, and I make no profit from it. I do not own the lovely Tenth Doctor or Ianto Jones, unfortunately, just borrowing them for a while. Please do not sue.

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Dearest Ianto,

Now that it's Christmastime again, I feel that it's time for me to say some things to you in a letter that I haven't said in a while. Don't worry, my love, it's nothing that you have to worry about. Everything I have to say is, I hope, a good thing, just words that I don't say often enough.

First of all, I know that I don't say "I love you" every day, even though I feel it in my hearts. Every time I look at you, "love" is the only word that comes to mind. I can't begin to say how much I love you, Ianto. Even if I said the words a million times, that wouldn't express my feelings.

There's no way to adequately describe my love for you. In all the years that I've been alive, in this body or any other, I've never felt this way about any other person. Yes, I've loved before; I couldn't have gone through my life without loving. But never on this level.

"I love you" seems like such a small thing to say, even though I know that they're the three biggest words I could ever say. And I promise to say them more, my love. I promise to say them every day, in all the years that we'll be together, far into the future.

So many long years stretch ahead of us, Ianto. So much time to say those words, and to show you how I feel about you. But I've learned the importance of not relying on mere actions to show you what my feelings are -- you need to hear the words, and I need to say them.

We've been together for a couple of years now, and for me, the time has flown by. It doesn't seem like we've been with each other for so long; when I look back on the past days and realise how long you've been here with me, I always feel a jolt of surprise.

Maybe that's only because every moment with you flies by, Ianto. I don't believe that I could ever have enough time with you, not even now that we could conceivably spend eternity together. Nothing would ever be enough for me; nothing would ever give me all the time with you that I want.

Sometimes I wonder if you feel the same, and if you feel that our time with each other has flown by. Do you anticipate the future as much as I do? Do you, too, look forward to all the days and nights, the weeks and months and years and decades and even centuries ahead of us?

I don't even need to ask myself that question. Of course you do. I don't doubt that the two of us will have our differences, and that we'll even argue and fight on occasion. But we'll never leave each other. We have too strong a bond for that. Too strong a love.

There are so many other things that I wanted to say, but suddenly, they've all gone out of my mind. All I can think about is how much I love you, and how desperately I want to be able to express that love -- but how hard it is for me to find the right words.

I don't think love can be expressed merely in words; actions go a long way towards expressing those kinds of feelings. But I've never been very good at expressing love within my actions either; I always seem to be trying to do a thousand things at once, and my meaning gets lost.

Loving you has become the centre of my existence. I really don't think that I could exist without you, Ianto. Oh, I could keep living; I could keep moving about as though I were still the same person, but without you, I'd never be the same. I'd have no reason to go on.

I used to worry that within what would seem like only a very few years to me, that I wouldn't have you in my life any more. I dreaded that day; I had nightmares about waking up to find you gone, and to know that I would never wake to your smile and your whispered "good morning" ever again.

Those fears have been completely eradicated, and I can't say that I'm sorry in any way to see them go. I don't ever want to think that I could lose you permanently; even though I'm fairly sure that you'll "die" more than a few times, just as Jack has, I know that you'll always come back.

At least, I hope that's the case. Because I wouldn't want to spend moment of my life, much less days or weeks or years, without you by my side. Losing you would destroy me as I am now. I might keep going, but I would only be a shadow of the person I was.

I don't doubt that you'll become even more precious to me over the passing years. I never thought that I would have a companion and lover who could give me the forever that I've always needed and wanted -- and now that I do, I appreciate you more than ever.

No one has ever wanted to give me that forever, either. Even though many have said that they did, I never felt that they meant what they said -- after all, even though life with me can be rather exciting, it's a long way from what most people want out of their lives.

You're not like anyone else I've ever known, Ianto. I won't say that you're the perfect man, because no one is perfect, least of all either of us -- and I wouldn't want a perfect man. All of that perfection would be deadly dull. But you're perfect for me, and I love you exactly the way you are.

I suppose that's really all I needed to say with this letter -- that I love you more than I did when we first began, and that I'll love you more with each passing day, each week, each month, each year, each decade. I'll always love you, Ianto, no matter what might happen in our future.

However many years and decades we'll have together, I don't intend to count them. I just intend to enjoy each day as it comes, and love you more with each one that passes. And I intend to let you know just how much I love you, both in words and actions, each and every day.

And as all the years go by, I'll only love you more, and what we share will only grow stronger. I'm looking forward to all of those years, Ianto, and I'm sure that you are as well. No matter what lies ahead, we'll face it together -- and every year will mean all the more to me, because I've spent it with you.

Always your

Doctor

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